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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to drop racist student

260 replies

HeadacheEarthquake · 21/02/2025 00:36

Aibu to run a mile
Yes YABU teach her to behave
YaNBU - run away and find new clients

I am currently teaching a pensioner to the tune of £320 a month to play piano and violin

She has often referred to German composers as "Krauts" and French composers as "Frogs". She does not know I am part French.

I assumed this might be generational and have gently discouraged it but this weeknsje used the terms "gayboys" when referring to some local salon owners after a breezy conversation about nail polish then went on to remark thay the ABRSM books always seem to "have to have a coloured on the front"

I said "does that matter" and she was visibly shaken and messed up her piece terribly.

I want to end the lessons with her but would like to know whether anyone would consider paying something and appealing to her better nature and having a conversation about appropriate manner in lessons rather than just writing them off.

Yours,

A multinational teacher in turmoil.

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 21/02/2025 00:52

Yeah, I wouldn't concern myself with her opinions tbh, if she can't move with the times then that's on her. Would defo just drop her

As a pp said, life is just too short and it's not worth the energy 😭

VivienneDelacroix · 21/02/2025 00:51

Yes, drop her and tell her why.
I'm sorry you've had to listen to her say these things.

leopardprintanduggs · 21/02/2025 00:49

Has she expressed actual negative feelings towards those groups of people, other than using non-PC terminology? It sounds like she is using old fashioned language that is rooted in racism, rather than speaking offensively about other races and cultures. So, is she actually racist or using language 'of her time'? Perhaps no one has expressly called her out for using those terms and she doesn't recognise how offensive they can actually be. I'd take a first step of writing her an email expressing that while she might not mean to offend, you don't feel comfortable with certain language that in this day and age js racist. See what her reaction her, maybe it will bring her up to speed and if not you can cut your losses.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 21/02/2025 00:45

Okaygoahead · 21/02/2025 00:43

You haven’t actually enabled voting, but I would suggest you drop her as a client. You can tell her why, as gently or as bluntly as you like, but she probably won’t change. Sadly, people rarely have epiphanies or change their attitudes; they usually just double down.

Oh, and it’s not ‘generational’, there are racist and homophobic arseholes across all generations, and the opposite is true as well.

Oh damn I am on the app so don't know how to make the vote available but I think the feedback will be reassuring

OP posts:
Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 21/02/2025 00:44

Vegboxwonder · 21/02/2025 00:41

I'd drop her, and give her some feedback. That way, she might start to realise that her behaviour has consequences. Of course, it's easy for me to say this - it's not me losing £320 a month. If it were me I'd be thinking realistically about how long I could afford to go without it, and how long it was likely to take to replace the lost income. If I couldn't afford to ditch her straight away, I'd put an ad out and then ditch her as soon as I got a new student (this is assuming you don't have a waiting list - if you do, I'd be ringing round it in the morning!)

It is quite easy for me to build up another 2 hours worth a week I think and I also am a busy celebrant so I would be sad to let her go as she is also a very sympathetic person, in many other ways - therefore I am sort of shocked that despite out good rapport she now feels comfortable to make these comments

Her visible embarrassment at the remark today made me wonder of it's worth talking but I suppose yes life is too precious to risk being around this attitude

OP posts:
Okaygoahead · 21/02/2025 00:43

You haven’t actually enabled voting, but I would suggest you drop her as a client. You can tell her why, as gently or as bluntly as you like, but she probably won’t change. Sadly, people rarely have epiphanies or change their attitudes; they usually just double down.

Oh, and it’s not ‘generational’, there are racist and homophobic arseholes across all generations, and the opposite is true as well.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 21/02/2025 00:41

I apologise for my typing errors but I assume the gist is clear

Paying- saying

OP posts:
Vegboxwonder · 21/02/2025 00:41

I'd drop her, and give her some feedback. That way, she might start to realise that her behaviour has consequences. Of course, it's easy for me to say this - it's not me losing £320 a month. If it were me I'd be thinking realistically about how long I could afford to go without it, and how long it was likely to take to replace the lost income. If I couldn't afford to ditch her straight away, I'd put an ad out and then ditch her as soon as I got a new student (this is assuming you don't have a waiting list - if you do, I'd be ringing round it in the morning!)

sprigatito · 21/02/2025 00:38

I would drop her like a stone. Life is too short to put up with arseholes. It's certainly not your job to re-educate her.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 21/02/2025 00:36

Weekend she *

OP posts: