Aibu to drop racist student

I think it’s generational. She’s liberal in her attitudes, in that she hasn’t been nasty about the “gayboys” etc. It’s just that she’s using old-fashioned terms that she doesn’t realise are now considered to be offensive.

Other people of her age have realised it and stopped using those words, but not everyone has.

If she was a young adult in the 70s, there was plenty of language of that type around then.

Benedict Cumberbatch referred to “coloured people” a few years ago and was roundly criticised for it. He seemed genuinely mortified when it was pointed out to him that this wasn’t acceptable language now.

My grandad once said that all homosexuals are paedophiles and that they should be taken to a deserted Island and shot. I'd probably drop a student who said that.

He soon changed his mind when his grandson came out as gay though 🤣.

Nah 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t drop her for using the “wrong” words when there is no malice or intent behind them. I don’t use those kind of words myself but I don’t really care if others do. Be a different story if they were making derogatory comments.

My parents are in their 80s and wouldn’t use that terminology. It’s not a generational thing.
I think I would probably just ignore it to be honest.

As a gay man I've had more 'offensive' words said to me than gay boy 🤣.

She's an old age pensioner and you are a teacher. You've said she's liberal. Don't you think there is an opportunity here?

Id see this as a generational thing and continue to earn a decent wage, you're there to teach her not parent her. Id like to see how many of the posters saying you should drop her actually would irl.

Not sure why you’re even talking about this stuff when you’re doing a piano lesson tbh.
Shes using terminology not considered acceptable but doesn’t seem racist and similarly you sound ageist OP. Perhaps a lesson for you both there.
Not your job to dictate to her when you are there to teach piano but Up to you of course but as I say, why not just stick to teaching the music.

I would agree with your stance on some people are simply ‘short relationships with clients’ …..

So no then, I wouldn't stop teaching her violin. I'd explain to her that her language is not acceptable, and explain why. I also don't think gay boys is particularly offensive either, and I say that as a gay man.

Its your time you get to decide who to spend it with. Though overall its a net negative from the way you have described it.

I would find this tedious to be honest, but other people are better at managing spearating the person from the task than I am so I wouldn't judge if you decided to keep her on.

Unless you are desperate for the money, I'd drop her like a fly.

As a businessperson surely you can choose who you do business with?

Yep

Drop her!

I don't þhink I'd mention her age (why be ageist on top of her behaviour.) But she doesn't sound an entirely lost cause, so I would talk to her about her language use. If she doesn't improve after that, then I'd drop her, telling her why.

I look at it in a different light.

You're paid to do a job, so do it. You might not like the person, or their opinions, but it's a business transaction.

Its a hard no from me.

It's 2025 - if she is 70 now she was born in 1955, and was a 20-something adult in the 1970s. That's pretty recent.

My childhood piano teacher was 70 back in 1985 so would have been a 20-something adult in the 1930s. The delightful old Dame was an excellent teacher but she would refer to weaker pieces as the "n**r in the woodpile", and she also had gollywog dolls.

My classmate friend from the only black family in the village had lessons with her and never experienced an issue or slurs.

That was simply generational language. Quite different. Your student is expressing deeply held bigotry unprompted. Nope

I’d get the sack, quite rightly, if I spoke about people like that in work. You are perfectly entitled to give her the sack. Make sure you tell her why.

I'm sure lots of people will be telling you to quit, but I'm sure those same people put up with/deal with unpleasant people in their day-to-day jobs and aren't quitting their jobs over every single thing they don't agree with. If we all quit every time we didn't agree with something someone did or said, there would be a very long line at the dole queue.

Sadly, the majority of people are not in a position to turn down £320 if that £320 is paying towards their bills or feeding their kids. If it isn't paying for your bills/kids and you don't need the money, or if you have 20 willing replacement students waiting in the wings then that is completely different.

That said, you don't have to accept it silently every time she says something either. Say something if it bothers you.

"Can you stop saying Frogs/Krauts/Gayboys please, I find it offensive" or "Showing your age there, Marjorie, we don't say things like that anymore and haven't for a good few decades" or "why do you keep saying Frogs instead of French?"