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Original poster

Asking DS’s neighbours to keep an eye on him

106 replies

PlumMaker · 20/02/2025 21:26

DS is 25 and recently has moved in to his own flat which he rents. DS has ASD and ADHD and this is the first time he has lived away from home. DS works full time and drives. When I went over to see DS soon after he moved to his new flat without DS knowing I spoke to 2 of his neighbours. I told them that DS has ASD and ADHD and would that I would be really grateful if they could keep an eye on him but understood and respected their decision if they did not wish to do that. I also gave them my mobile number and my DH’s number in case they need to contact us.

Told my friend recently about what I did and she told me thought I massively overstepped a boundary and I had no right telling DS’s neighbours that he has ASD and ADHD. I’ve not told DS about speaking to his neighbours.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

To avoid drip feeding I do worry about DS living on his own, he is very isolated and has no friends at all in his life.

OP posts:
Meecrowahvey · 20/02/2025 21:43

You could easily have put him at risk by letting them know how vulnerable he is.

Hibernatingtilspring · 20/02/2025 21:41

That's really not ok OP. How would you feel if he told your neighbours your medical history? And you know nothing about his neighbours, you've just announced that he's potentially vulnerable?

Also what do you actually think it was going to achieve - how would they look out for him in reality, they don't know him or his routine, what exactly do you expect them to check or 'look out for' ? Especially when he'll be out at work most of the time!

potatopaws · 20/02/2025 21:33

I think it was a bit foolish I’m afraid. Do you know these neighbours? They may not be nice or reliable people, and you’ve told them confidential medical information about your son. He is an adult and deserves privacy about this. Plus they now know your son may be vulnerable. You don’t know who else they may tell, how this information may be used or may impact his relationship with them.

I don’t say this to worry you or make you feel bad. I’m guessing you got a good feeling about these people and most likely they will be good neighbours and keep an eye out as you requested.
But, you shouldn’t do this again. Your son is not a child for strangers to look out for. Your are far too trusting, and being a ‘helicopter’ parent I’m afraid.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 20/02/2025 21:32

Yep, I'm afraid I agree with the others OP, giving your DS's private information to others, no matter how well meant, was a step too far.

CremeEggThief · 20/02/2025 21:31

Your heart was in the right place, OP, but you did go a bit too far.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/02/2025 21:29

I am sure you meant well op, but that was a massive overstep and your friend is right. Totally wrong to tell his neighbours this information, and what happens if he finds out you told them without his permission?

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