Asking DS’s neighbours to keep an eye on him

so you are worried about your child so now you have crossed a line and tried to put that worry onto someone else and yes the people you told could dismiss this request and just get on with their lives but as people these days cant seem to get out of bed without finding something to worry about so if something happens to your son will they now have to worry that it is their fault

some people cannot just switch off when someones tells them something so if your child is old enough to live on their own they are old enough not to have neighbours worrying about them

YABU you’ve completely overstepped the mark you had no right to tell complete strangers your sons private medical information how would you feel if your son told your stranger new neighbours about your medical information. I would be beyond furious if my mum did that me. It’s not your disability it’s not your place to tell people about it.

Fuck that. You keep an eye on him and you shouldn't be sharing his medical information. I don't know anyone who would think that would be ok.

I wouldn’t be impressed to have an adult stranger’s mother impose instructions on me. I’ve enough to be in with and personally have my own child who is disabled to worry about. I know it would be nice if we all lived in a neighbourly world like Trumpton but things like this are very one sided. YWBVU. Nothing you can or should do now though, what’s done is done

I'm guessing op has gone to bed. I hope she'll come back and let us know a bit more info relating to the area and the kind of neighbours they seem (not that you'll know for sure). This is so worrying for her son, and awful people knowing this information without his consent. This will probably isolate him even more too.

OP as a mother I can tell you were coming from a good loving place but yes it's not really your sons new neighbours to look out for your son sorry

So put of order. You've let them know he's vulnerable. He's a grown man who can look after himself.

Sorry OP, I think you are going to have a bit of a pile on here.

If you bumped into the neighbours as you were carrying boxes into the house, I think it is fine to introduce yourself as his mum and say that you are anxious about him moving out and that this is his first home out of the family home. If you went out of your way to knock on their door, that is an overstep.

And whether you bumped into them while moving boxes or specifically knocked on their door, you totally overstepped by telling the neighbours his diagnoses.

You don't know these people and it isn't your information to share.

As others have said, they may use this information to take advantage of him if they are not nice people. If they are good folk, it is not acceptable to burden them with responsibility.

I think to directly ask them to 'keep an eye on him' when neither you nor your son know them is a bit full on.
I'd say maybe encourage your son to introduce himself to the neighbours, maybe with a note. Once he's spoken to them or they respond then If he wants to be pretty outgoing he could invite the immediate ones for tea one day and you could be there. They may not come, but it would be better for him to engage with them organically after that initial introduction. Some people don't want to make friends.
There are some people that have too much on or their own problems to be really keeping an eye on neighbours. Hopefully some will be friendly but you don't want to impose.

What an awful thing to do. You need to tell him what you've done so he can decide if he needs to look for a new place to live.

As an adult with ASD I would be furious. I am perfectly capable of managing my own life.

you have no right to disclose his neurodivergence to anyone without his permission.

Well you've probably ensured that two neighbours, who might potentially have become friends, will now avoid your DS. If they're decent people they will have been scared off by his massively inappropriate and boundary-less mother. If they're not decent people you have just made him very unsafe.

The damage is done now but please remember when you tell strangers that your son is vulnerable you have no idea if they are kind or will use that information to your son’s detriment

He’s either independent enough to live alone or he isn’t. You’re sabotaging his opportunities for a normal adult life if you follow around behind him secretly telling others to “look out” for him.

I thought of cuckooing as well. I don't want to pile on, but there are some seriously horrible people out there who couldn't care less how vulnerable someone is. On the other hand, the neighbours could be lovely, but with a lot already on their plate and adding to it would be most unfair and inappropriate.

You don't give out other people's numbers to strangers behind their backs though.

Or to anyone really without permission.

Yes, this^^!

I think you've been incredibly naive. Not everyone is a nice person with good intentions

I could understand why you gave the number if you said "oh just incase you think there's an emergency and he's on his own" bla bla bla but they shouldn't have known medical history, they could be anyone.

Oh god you are one of 'those' mums. How is he ever going to gain any independence with you behaving like this?

I understand perfectly well that divulging your adult child’s vulnerability to a total stranger purely on the basis that they live next door isn’t a good idea, for very obvious reasons.

Really bad idea not only have you told everyone his business and you've put pressure on his neighbours. But worst of all you have told complete strangers that he's a vulnerable person which has now put him at risk of being taken advantage of.

Oof... Sorry OP but you have massively overstepped the mark here. You've breached your son's privacy, potentially put him at risk, infantalised him and trusted complete strangers with deeply personal information while making a highly inappropriate and unreasonable request of them.

It must be very difficult and painful hearing all this I'm sure, as you genuinely thought you were doing the best thing for your son, but I hope you can move on by listening and learning

Why on earth did you think any of this is OK
If you're worried about him then you keep an eye on him. What did the neighbours say

You've only really thought about yourself here, YABVU and there's no way to fix it either.