SiL punishing dd

Speak to her and tell her both or neither.

DD was not naughty. She had a momentary lapse in behaviour which is over and done with dealt with - by you her mother.

If she isn't happy with how you dealt with it then tell her that's on you not DD. So both kids go to the planned event ir neither. She doesn't get to punish DD again.

Why is this woman still in your house? I would have packed her bags for her and told her to leave, and told DP that she is never staying while I and DC are there.

I wouldn’t be happy with this at all and I wouldn’t be happy with her taking the kids at this point given her over the top reaction to one tantrum, she clearly can’t cope.

Id explain that you’re not comfortable with her taking DD at this point as she clearly can’t manage a child her age appropriately and it wouldn’t be fair to let one child go without the other. I would then book it yourself to take the children another time do that DS isn’t too disappointed.

I suspect she feels she couldn't cope with a three year old strop, and doesn't want to take your DD and this is her way of getting out of taking her.

I'd have told her to fuck off by now. Have you even said anything to her at all?

Sorry, why is your SIL 'punishing' YOUR DD for something that is pretty standard toddler behaviour, which you had already sorted and dealt with by breakfast time?

Talk about overstepping boundaries...

I wouldn't let someone who was so mean to my DD take her out anywhere.

Tomorrow SiL was planning to take youngest two out for a pre booked and paid event but is now is saying she is only going to be taking ds beause dd had been naughty.

^

Dd:

'Thank God for that!'

I'd tell her to leave quite frankly.

dd and told her she wasnt going to get hers yet because she had been naughty.
Dd wasn’t at all bothered

^
Fair play to your DD 😂

Your sil sounds trying at best

I dont think its nice of her to withdraw her offer for just one child. She seems to have a very autocratic view of discipline. and its not up to her to discipline them or punish them.
What if your DS does something she doesn't like when they are out?

Without wanting to be rude to her, I wouldn't let her take them out unsupervised, she doesn't know what she's doing but she's not afraid to do it.

Even if she does change her mind, I wouldn’t trust her with alone with my children after treating one of them like that
Is it possible to take them both on the trip yourself instead of sil taking them? Or for another adult to go with her and both children

Stand up for your daughter and stop being such a pushover.

I think if you don't think your SiL will manage both children appropriately then it's OK that only DS goes. However, make it very clear to SiL that DD is not being punished, she is not 'naughty' and you are responsible for any discipline that needs to happen.

Your sil sounds absolutely clueless. I wouldn’t be wanting her to be in charge of my kids in case she decides to ‘discipline’ them. What happens if they get scared of this and one or both runs off? I would tell her she’s doesn’t understand how to care for children and she’s not taking either and take them on an adventure of your own. Say aunty meanie is having a bad day.

Don't let her take either dc.
She has no right to punish your dd, prolonging the punishment is just awful, your dd won't remember what she did "wrong" the day before.
I certainly wouldn't trust her with dd.
Stick up for your dd, what are you scared of?
Ds is disappointed, YOU take them both for a day out.
Tell your sil to keep her beak out.

It sounds like she doesn't have children... having a tantrum is not being naughty!!! Nobody should be telling a three year old they're naughty because they aren't able to regulate their emotions!!! You should absolutely being telling your SiL she is being naughty and the children won't be going with her if she continues with this tantrum

Your daughter is 3 years old, she will have completely forgotten the incident the day before, when she had a normal toddler tantrum. Trying to punish her again, is utterly pointless and a waste of energy. She has no understanding, that she's being 'punished' for an incident that happened yesterday!! I can only guess your SIL doesn't have children?! Yes, you need to tell your SIL that your daughter is 3, and therefore doesn't have an adult thinking mind, and will not understand why she's not able to go with her brother. The incident is done and dusted, it's time to move on. If she won't back down, then both children don't attend. Your SIL sounds massively unreasonable and has unrealistic expectations for a toddler.

You need to speak up for your DD. She can't learn that your discomfort takes precedence over her needs and rights. Not that a day out is a "right", but at three she couldn't possibly have done anything that warrants being excluded in such a callous way.

It has to be both of them or neither of them. And only if you can trust your SIL not to be mean to her in your absence. Because it really does sound as if she has some sort of grudge against her.

Then you can’t punish him for Sil being a twat. You do need to sit her down and give her a big chat about how little children behave, get tired, over excited, react to adults being twats, and how if she wants to be a part of their lives she has to stop being a twat. It’s a Paddington Hard Stare and say, she is just a little kid, she is MY little kid and you don’t get to interfere in parenting decisions. If you do, there’s a Travelodge near by.
Is she DHs sister? Then he does the talk, or both of you.

Have a talk with sil. The gift thing is a bit mean but I do wonder if she feel she can't cope with the 3 yr old at an event

Children get valentines presents these days?🤔

That's not really the point.

I wouldn’t want my child to go with her after what you’ve said. If she tried to discipline her again I would have to say something.

It's fine for your ds to miss out if it's an outing suitable for both children. If it isn't, or you don't think your dd would enjoy it or you don't think your SiL can handle her then by all means change things. But to leave your 3 year old out as a punishment - no fucking way! And this painting her as the naughty one needs to stop right now too.