SiL punishing dd

I would either have a talk with her or knock the trip on the head entirely. Even if she takes her, as soon as something doesn't go to plan she won't know how to deal with it and another, similar situation will arise. This is also a long, drawn out punishment for just being upset, which obviously isn't ok.

I think the OP was answering something in a post that I made.

@reallynotthat why is sil visiting when dh is away????

She takes both or none. But in my house if did one more thing like these two then she'd be asked to leave.

Agree with this for sure, I wouldn’t allow her unsupervised around my child again.

She wouldn't be taking any of my children out without me.
YABU for not reacting immediately to gifts for 3 children & not 1.
I would have collected the gifts in & told her that it was either gifts for all or gifts for none. & if she said none, I'd have put the gifts in the bin.

No one gets to parents my children but me & my partner, their dad. She has massively overstepped, and I would be livid.
Your children need to know you have their back & will always treat them fairly & unless you stand up to her, you are enabling her to behave in this disgusting manner.

I'd probably be asking her to leave.
Your daughter is 3. THREE
She will not understand what SILs behaviour is all about & will just feel left out and discriminated against

SIL is totally out of order

Gosh, she sounds like a absolute horror. I'd be concerned in case she was mean to your DS when alone with him on the day out. Definitely speak up next time she makes a remark about 'naughty' DD.

And if she has to stay again, perhaps ensure your DH is home to share the effort!

I think "because she's been naughty" is code for "because I have no idea how to cope with her".

Let her take your son for the trip out. She clearly is clueless about such a young child and your 3 year old is better off with you.

Not her decision to make

Well it is if she is the one having to take the child out.

Feck she's mean. Three year olds can't help being three.

Your SIL is not an appropriate person to take your kids out unsupervised. I would dial it back a bit, cancel the trip and do something else tomorrow.

I'm going to assume SIL hasn't met many three year olds

She's taking it too far and sounds like a bitch

For me, it'd be 'all or none' and don't leave her unsupervised around your DC

God help her if she has her own DC

Well she’s bullying and scapegoating your tiny child. I’d have torn her head off by now - metaphorically obviously - but I would have and she wouldn’t be near my children unsupervised again.

I wouldn't have tolerated her leaving dd out for the gifts never mind her punishing her again. It's not her place. Stop being a wet blanket and stand up for your child. Hopefully your son will be happy to miss out as he wouldn't want his sister treated so cruelly.

Why is SIL staying when her brother isn’t even there?

And why does she feel entitled to discipline your child?

Are you scared of upsetting her?

I think you should let her just take DS. She may not have realised how 3 yr olds behave when she said she would take them both and probably isn’t now confident to take DD. Don’t spoil it for DS

Let her take DS out and you take DD to do something fun for her. Tell SIL you don't appreciate her intervention in disciplining your children and don't have her to stay again!

I’m sorry, what? I think, as the parent, you or DH need to explain some basic child development facts to SIL then explain she needs to either have empathy and understanding or not be involved. Why hasn’t anyone told her what she is doing wrong yet?

I would have pulled her up on the gift and tell her she's not playing favourites the same incident with dd was managed and is over. With regards to day out she may be worried about not being able to manage dd, does dd know she's going? If she does I would say no it's either both or neither. If she doesn't I would agree to ds going but nothing is said to dd about it being a punishment.

Can you go too?

I wouldn't trust her if anything goes wrong

She’s sounds insane. I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my children.

Stand up for you child, but what are you going to do when you SIL in not around to interfere and your dd continues to be as well behaved as you say she is, in say, 10 years' time?

I'd give SIL the benefit of doubt this one time. If she is young and childless, she might simply misunderstand what the correct boundaries are here. Tell her that while you appreciate her trying to help, how and when to discipline your children is your call and their father's call only.

Invite her to instead come to you if she has a problem with one of your kids, for you to handle it as you see fit. Or to please step in if there's some kind of immediate danger. But otherwise, punishing someone else's child is overstepping.

She is massively overstepping and I would be having a word with her about it

Yes, speak up. It's not her place