SiL punishing dd

I haven't met any 3 year olds and I wouldn't treat anyone like that.

Kids before in laws. Always.

This

Why not????

She sounds horrible. What is with all the rotten adults on here today? I’d not want her taking any of my children anywhere tbh.

Hold her to account, the same way she likes to hold 3 year olds accountable.

At age 3, punishments should be handed out within 5-10 minutes and last 5-10 minutes, unless something exceptionally serious has happened. She sounds like a loon, and a vindictive one at that.

I'd be telling her that she takes both children or neither, and that you will be coming too because clearly you cannot trust her not to continue punishing your DD for just being a normal three year old! Yes, I absolutely would tell her all of that.

If you can't go on the planned trip then either rearrange it for a time when you can go or cancel it. If you rearrange then you can always tell DS that mummy couldn't come on the original date, so the trip is now happening on a different day.

Whatever you do, you really do need to tell SIL that it is your business how/if you discipline the children, and that you absolutely don't appreciate her stepping in and needlessly prolonging a punishment for a non-incident that you had already dealt with adequately. Tell her that that isn't necessary or at all helpful so you expect her to back off right now.

Why aren’t you standing up for your daughter?! She’s 3! A tantrum doesn’t need multiple punishments from people that aren’t even to do with the situation that span across two days. Jesus, way to build up some strong sibling rivalry from the get go.

She's massively overstepped the mark. It's not her job to discipline your kids.

If she won't take your DD out, could you take your kids out together to do something nice without SIL?

Have you talked to your DH about this? What does he say/think?

I would e having a word and saying discipline is up to you and DH it’s nothing to do with her. She is being incredibly unfair in giving presents out in front of a child who is then told she can’t have one. Would she like that when she was a child?

I would also advise she she either takes both as Kane’s, or nether

and I would not be having her to stay again unless her brother is home

Absolutely cross posted! 🤣🤣

Your overuse of question marks implies she shouldn't be, or that it's weird to want to visit her SIL and nieces and nephews 😳

It really doesn't warrant four question marks.

Sisters in laws can be friends and don't need the men there when they meet.

That is absolutely horrible of your sister-in-law. I can't imagine treating a 3 year old like that. They don't really think too deeply about consequences at that age and, even if they did, it would not be your SIL's place to teach that particular lesson. She needs to butt out. Does she have a general tendency to favour your son? I wonder if she would behave the same way if he was the one who had 'misbehaved.' I would tell her she can take both children or neither. It sounds as if she's the one who could do with learning a few life lessons.

Have a conversation with her and find out what's going on. You may well be right that she doesn't feel comfortable handling your 3 year old. Which is good to know and I wouldn't want the 3 year old going in that situation. So suck it up this time and plan to do something fun with 3yr old while Sis is out with DS. But don't let her plan to take 3 yr old again if she's not confident, so there's no disappointment. Wait until she's older. Your sis may also gain confidence if you explain about toddlers getting hangry, the metabolic and emotional whirl storms their bodies are going through and tell her how to minimize the chance of it and give her tips on how to handle it.

If, on the other hand, she really thinks 3yr old doesn't deserve to go, stop her from taking any of your kids out unsupervised- that's an attitude that will have, at the least, negative ripples for all your kids.

i'd pull out altogether, she's over stepped & honestly doesn't sound like she's capable of being in charge of young kids.

Even if she's nice to DS, I'd be worried she's pitting DS against DD. Giving DS preferential treatment and teaching him that his sister is naughty and not as good as he is, could set up a very toxic dynamic. I wouldn't allow family to do that.

Protracted punishments for three year olds are arsehole territory, she clearly doesn't know anything about toddlers.
Explain it to her, but nicely.

At this point she's basically bullying your dd. She takes them all as planned or none of them. And she needs telling that everyone's moved on from dds standard breakfast fuss, and if she cannot get past it herself then there's the door.

What a horrible woman. It genuinely sounds like she either doesn't like children in general, doesn't like your DD or is one of those awful people who favour one sex over another?
My own mother hugely favours men in all contexts over females. Seems to despise every other female on the planet besides herself.

Nope to taking either of my kids if she behaves like that!

You're being unreasonable to let your sister in law behave like this towards your daughter, especially in your own house. You should have put your foot down about the valentine present, and you need to put your foot down about tomorrow.

FFS grow a spine. You know your SIL is being unfair and your DD is dependent on you to confront this.