When a relative bites your child

So the conclusion from this thread is that there are people who genuinely think it is okay to attack a small child.

Intergenerational abuse seems to be perpetuated.

People don’t realise that there are other ways to discipline a child than assaulting them.

I work in mental health. I promise you that there are adults in much later life who remember vividly being attacked by their parents when young. They are no longer close to their families although they will never ever raise it with their parents. Children remember fear. And when the kids grow up to be parents themselves, some perpetuate the abuse as we have seen here, whilst others never forgive it.

This. But I wouldn't make this call with someone else's child though! Thankfully never had to make this call with mine as he wasn't a biter.

crazy stuff...

I am sorry that you are unaware that there is a whole middle ground between hitting and biting a small child and the other extreme of permissive parenting.

Absolutely horrified by the adult who stapled a child’s finger !!!

no need what so ever to bite a child just so they know what it feels like
children who bite don’t do it at school

I think it is far more lazy to bite back, rather than thinking of other ways of teaching the child not to bite. I would not be too proud of the fact that you bit and hit your children when they were growing up. Mine grew up with impeccable manners and I never had to hit or bite them.

It is ‘feral’ by the way. And I think it describes your behaviour as a parent really.

Was your child told off for biting his brother? It wasn’t a caring thing for him to do was it?

Ugh, what a patronising response. And that ‘sweetheart’ response makes me cringe so much.

Neither of my children ever bit. They actually didn’t hit anyone either and they are now at university. However, I am not arrogant enough to think this was due to some miraculous parenting on our part. My children had very calm dispositions and never had tantrums. It was simply luck.

I know that many children bite in the toddler years and parents have to do their best to give them consequences and monitor them until the behaviour stops. There is no need to bite them back. It is absolutely a developmental stage from any young children.

It was just luck that your kids didn’t bite, just like mine.

How old is this relative? If relative is also 4 its a bit different to a teen or adult doing it.

Just talk to your son tomorrow. Tell him biting is wrong and he should never do it. Also tell him that an adult hurting him is also wrong. Teach him that 2 wrongs don’t make a right and that he can talk to you any time an adult does something to him he doesn’t like.

You’re allowed to make mistakes, next time it’ll be easier to find your voice in the moment and stick up for your son.

OMG. As a society, we are also dealing with the dysfunction and trauma caused by generational abuse.

If the only way you can teach your children right or wrong is to beat it into them then you have no business having them. Sort your own issues out.

My sisters son used to hasstle the cat without ever being stopped. Eventually the cat taught him the lesson his parents couldn't.

Incidentally he wasn't raised with any accountability and he's currently in prison for assaulting a police officer.

Unfortunately the world doesn't gentle parent and if you don't teach your kid how to behave society will. Be it in a big way through the schooling system the police or a llittle way through a less enlightened less patient individual such as your relative.

I was a child over 50 years ago. And assaulting your children was definitely not the norm then. I have been a strict and boundaried parent and my children definitely respect adults and behave well in public, but I draw the line at biting them.

Wait a minute so you weren’t hit but then question why people who were hit as kids “question the methods that raised them?” If you don’t have any personal experience of what those of us who were raised like this are talking about it’s not really your place to say that we’re “nanny pamby” because we don’t want to inflict physical pain on our children.

There are plenty of bullies in the world that my children will encounter, I’ll be damned if I’ll be the first one.

Were there bite marks? If the child was inconsolable I would be expecting to see bite marks.

if there were bite marks i would have had to have said words. I do see you were trying to be polite, but I think you need to reconsider, you are now an adult and need to start making your own laws and not what you were taught as a child, they’re not always correct.

I have a 3 year old but I was born in the 80s. I wasn't hit but I didn't have the gentle parenting approach with my upbringing. Seeing how offended people get at the slightest things is ridiculous and that's down to the way children are raised. Being namby pamby with kids isn't the way

Some of the stories here are just awful. Is there no other way to teach a child other than returning the physical aggression?

I simply cannot imagine stapling anyone’s finger, not least my own small child. Just dreadful.

I was a biter and my mum bite me so I'd stop. I've no recollection of it and I loved her dearly. She was a fabulous mum who until her final breath put us before her own needs. I would NEVER consider her to be an abuser, ever. It was very much a generational thing. My own son was a biter, I didn't and wouldn't bite him back even though I knew of this technique. Times have thankfully moved on but some of these techniques linger. I'd just talk to your relative and tell them your views on this and if they have concerns about biting or hitting they're to talk to you or your DH rather than take it upon themselves to sort out.

I'm inclined to agree with you. Biting is a horrendous habit. Eventually another kid will teach her the lesson and not hold back.

Kids need to learn that not everyone they meet will put up with their S**t like mum will.

Did it work? Has he stopped biting?

We question the methods that raised us because it made us all feel like absolute shit. If the whole generation after you chooses not to parent like you does that not show you that your kids thought your parenting was a bit shit.

I don’t understand how anyone inflicts pain on their child. Even in the name of “discipline”. Like how could you do that?!

Cultural differences is an excuse for you not standing up for your child OP. It’s not acceptable to bite a child ever. I presume you live in the UK where it’s assault of a minor?

My husband is from a family that ‘spank.’ And my children have never and will never be hit because he made it very clear to his family we don’t agree with it. My MIl spanks the other grandchildren but has never ever done it to mine and knows she cannot.

Your husband is spineless for not saying anything but you also aren’t defending your poor child. If your child strangles another will they do that too to teach them a lesson? Will they hit them if they hit another child?

I was pointing out that lots of parents hurt their children through “legal routes”, which are more in depth and painful than a “bite” to a child that needs to learn a lesson.

none are okay, but sometimes a short sharp shock it’s what’s needed. I’m not looking for agreement or approval. Lots of other parents use the technique with success. It teaches them not to bite again…… not this crap of “when we don’t like something we bite”….. that’s utter tosh! 🤣🤷‍♀️

OMG. There is a whole generation that were raised being smacked, and taught what it feels like and now that's not allowed to happen we have a generation that get offended by anything and question the methods that raised them. The next generation are not being taught right from wrong with gentle parenting.