When a relative bites your child

The number of people supporting what this relative did (and even confessing they did the same thing when their child was little) is very concerning.

A 2 year olds brain does not work like that. All they are learning is this adult is not safe, it’s okay for people to hurt me, my mummy and daddy will not advocate for me if I am hurt.

This is assault and is cruel what your relative did. If you tell your GP I believe they will have to make a safeguarding report and Social Services may get involved. I strongly think you should as this needs to be recorded.

What has your husband done about it? Especially as his side of the family.

Do not leave your child alone with this person again. Or anyone in the family that supported their behaviour. Send a strongly worded email to them and all involved that it was a serious breach of trust, they should have come to you, and any further violence towards your child will
be reported to the police. You HAVE to start advocating for your child, even if your husband won’t.

Also, re biting sibling, try to figure out why it is happening: are they trying to get siblings or your attention, get a siblings toy, is child teething or anything else. Then help them meet that need in a more functional way - using words or sign to ask for the toy or practicing turn taking, asking for hugs etc to get siblings attention, chewies or crunchy foods to meet any sensory needs etc.

Punishment is less effective than getting to the bottom of why the behaviour is occurring in the first place.

It cuts both ways. If OPs child is going around biting people. OP can be reported to social services. They will get involved and could pull the child due to parenting concerns.

Given the number of other posters on this thread who have also said they would report this to the police, I don't think it is an overreaction, no.

Biting someone is assault, and an adult biting a child is child abuse. Both of these are crimes. The police exist to investigate crimes. Why would you not report a crime against your child to the police?

@daleylama

Over reaction much !!

If a stranger at soft play bit your child because they had bitten theirs, would you honestly not report it? Why is it acceptable to bite a child just because you're related to them?

Oh I don’t disagree in that sense, I had a biting situation with my daughter when she was a tot, I tried every which way to get her to stop but nothing worked, and many people said to me “you need to give her a taste of her own medicine” but I didn’t want to entertain that idea until I was out of options. And low and behold nothing else worked so I bit her, she never did it again thankfully. But the point I was making is that it wasn’t that relatives decision to make, I wouldn’t have dreamt of making that choice if it was one of my friends children, that would be their decision.

Ate you serious ? Report to social services is a ridiculous suggestion . A talk with the relative on how you deal with your child and how it’s not upto others to discipline in any way , unless agreed with you , is enough . While it is wrong, your child is fine and to be honest probably won’t bite again . Either talk to them or move on and don’t see them again

Maybe the relative in question saw the little shit bite his brother badly and had to deal with the aftermath. Poor parenting brings all this about.

It's hard to comment as I don't know your relationships...but has it stopped your child from biting his brother?

' was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, '

Translation - I won't stick up for my child as I don't want to appear rude.

There's no obviously about it, you've sent a clear message to your child that you will keep quiet if they are hurt by anyone!

Yeh they started it

My mother bit me when I was small as I used to bite my brother. I still remember it now how much it hurt. Didn't donit again. But times have moved on. Your relative should not be assaulting your child.

For me .. 1st I would of punched their lights out and said how does that feel.

2nd I would of called cops on them.

Your child has been assaulted by An adult. That's serious and you done nothing.

I agree with the parents biting the child to teach them, or encouraging the child they bit to bite them back, but not with some random person - relative or not - just taking it into their own hands and biting a child!
I'm old school, too, a lot of the time.

Nope it's a valid point.
If the child's a serial biter then OP should have been aware and addressed it already. If her child goes around biting others, OP could be reported to social services who could then get involved under the guise of safeguarding concerns and investigate OP to assess the child's well being and OPs parenting practices.

A bite can be nasty if it breaks the skin, leaves marks. Pulling a pigtail isn't really damaging unless you yank so hard hair comes out. I don't thiǹk it's the same.

Your under reaction is called negligence. .

BURNING and BITING tiny children is child abuse l, pure and simple, It is certainly not parenting or guidance.

If social services or any authority learn of children being bitten and/or burnt they will be removed. The police will be called, because it is assault. These days children are protected from assault by the law.

I am so sorry you were abused as a child, and I suspect that was the least of it - but you were conditioned to say they loved you, and did their best, so even now you haven’t questioned if there was another way. It’s very sad, what a cruel and awful way to raise children.

Not at all.

I'd have reported them to the police too.

Over reaction much !!

Yep it's very old school. My 87 year old granny will gleefully recount how she bit her 3 year old niece at the time because she bit her. "She never bit anyone again after that."

Not okay at all. Not for them to discipline
I'd have a long chat with the relative about their behaviour. Set your bounds with the relative.

Sorry this happened.

I had to click on this feed - just because I couldn’t believe the title actually meant what it sounded like! There is NEVER any circumstances when an adult should show this level of aggression to a child. I would avoid this person at all costs and make sure your child knows it is never ok to bite anyone.

A parent intentionally burning their child with a candle or hob is cruel and disgusting, and nothing will make me change my mind on that. It’s sad that you are minimising the abuse you all suffered.

No you’re not being unreasonable. I appreciate what this relative was trying to achieve but it absolutely wasn’t their place to make that decision to discipline your child in that way. Personally I would return to them, say you’ve had time to calm down and have it out with them as you owe this much to your child, and to yourself as you’re clearly annoyed with yourself that you did nothing.

parenting is bloody hard, and not just dealing with the kids.

good luck
x

You're right to be angry that a relative interferred in your parenting, disciplined your child and assaulted them in the process.

I'd be pushing back firmly and advising other fam members of what happened.

"Teeth are not for biting" is a great book for the biter in your life.

You didn’t ring the police ?! Wtf