When a relative bites your child

I’m not sure why I was the only target of it, as he never bit anybody else. It was an awful phase when he was between 1-2 years old, it went on for a couple of months (felt like forever) but he’d just randomly strike and there’d be no warning it was coming as nothing seemed to be a trigger for it. He started by just biting in general and I’d move away then eventually he moved on to doing it when he’d ask for a cuddle- but it wasn’t every time he came for a cuddle. So I never knew when it was coming as sometimes he’d toddle over and put his arms out for a cuddle and he’d not bite at all. It made me feel almost weary of him for a long time, which then made me feel awful for feeling like that about my own son. But I felt like I couldn’t even enjoy a cuddle with my him because I was half anticipating being bitten. I don’t know if it was the consistency of moving away from him when he’d bitten and explaining why I’d moved that made it change, or if he just grew out of it, but one day it just stopped and he’s never done it since. Thank fuck. He’s now the most kind and gentle little boy.

If it’s the fact that the parents will be reported and the child taken away, it is not ridiculous at all. Friends of mine took their 2year old to the doctor because he had suddenly starting limping and they had no idea how he could have hurt himself without anyone knowing. He was never left on his own and hadn’t cried or given any sign of distress. Next thing they know, Social Services got involved because the doctor had reported them. This was apparently because they had no idea how the injury occurred. So it is not ridiculous.

What do you find to be ridiculous?

I absolutely love this. But at the same time, how was your son able to continually bite you, to the point that he was even being sleekit about it? This is not on either and I absolutely wouldn't stand for it from my 3 year old, no matter what age he was. It would have been firmly dealt with and he wouldn't ever dare do it again.

Some people on here need to grow up!

I don’t think a tap on the nose with a rolled up newspaper would do the trick either 😂

My DS was going through a phase of biting me a lot. He was so stealth with it too and would come in for a cuddle and then strike. He once bit me while MIL was round and she snatch his arm, held it to her mouth and said “shall I bite you to teach you a lesson?”. I gently moved his arm away from her and said “you’d be picking your teeth up off the floor if you did”. DH’s jaw almost hit the floor. I wouldn’t ever say anything like that to anyone, let alone his mother. But I meant it and I didn’t want to leave any room for doubt that I wouldn’t accept an adult biting my toddler- even if he had just bitten a chunk out of me himself. She has a long history of doing as she pleases, and admittedly I haven’t always been assertive enough in challenging her. But when it comes to keeping my DS safe there’s absolutely no leeway.

Your husband’s family can only treat your children badly if you allow it to happen. Set your boundaries, make them clear and if those boundaries aren’t respected then be certain you follow up on the consequences of that.

Your Mother-in-law spanks some of her grandchildren?? Is she really allowed to get away with such barbaric behaviour?
Maybe I am wrong but I fail to understand how anyone can bite, or otherwise hurt a child, small or not. I have four grandchildren and could never have hit them if my life depended on it! That’s not because I’m perfect, or because they are, (they were normal mischievous children) but because the thought of a large person hitting a small person fills me with disgust. My daughters would never put up with such behaviour from me towards their children and they have never abused their children in this way. In my experience with friends’ children, apart from the wrongs and rights of it, smacking a child never solved the issue. The punishment for my children was normally a scolding, with an explanation of why what they did was wrong, and/or the removal of a treat or anticipated outing if their behaviour was naughty enough to warrant it. This normally did the trick.
I remember once being pushed to the edge by my daughter’s behaviour when she was about four and I actually shouted at her! Then I saw the look of horror on her little face and was mortified. I explained why I had shouted, and comforted and cuddled her. I promised it would never happen again (it didn’t). To this day, 55 years later, I still feel shame for that episode. I mentioned it to her the other day, but she didn’t remember it (or said she didn’t!). Thankfully, I have a brilliant relationship with both my daughters and my grandchildren. My first great grandchild is due later in the year and I can’t wait!

Doggymummar · 20/02/2025 15:58

My parents always did this if we punched, bit hair pulled etc. one time I stapled my brother's finger and I got stapled too

WTF? I’m 60. That’s bloody outrageous .

😮There is respecting your elders then
being a parent to your child that you are supposed to protect!
So now it’s okay for adults to assault your child?
Where is your backbone.

A child getting bit back after first biting another child is natural consequences.

An adult biting a child to teach them not to bite is twisted logic.

@PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline
I don't understand why you're saying that it's twisted logic ?
Surely it's very basic logic, teaching someone that if they don't want something unpleasant happening to them, they shouldn't do that unpleasant thing to someone else first.
It's absolutely natural consequences.

I don't agree with the old school physical abuse approach. I was a biter as a child. I have issues, learning difficulties, didn't make friends easily and was bullied. My retaliation was biting although it wasn't too often just a phase. My parents weren't overly strict ( it was the late 70s) but gave me a stern talking to about my behaviour and being grounded, sent to my room etc. But they did realise I had issues and was being bullied too which they told teachers. So there may well be some underlying issue as to why your child is bitting which needs to be addressed. And as for being bitten back as punishment when it's not your own child is n in no way acceptable as they're not the child's parent and have no right to decide on the correct punishment other than telling them it's wrong and that there going to tell you what they did. It's up to you to not them to punish your child.

I cannot get over the dangerous and twisted teaching logic on this thread, it goes against every teaching principles, commonsense, nurturing, early years work there is and more.

I know 😅 what planet do some people live on

@imarchtoadifferentdrummer

I agree with the parents biting the child to teach them, or encouraging the child they bit to bite them back, but not with some random person - relative or not - just taking it into their own hands and biting a child!

So it's logical to you for the child's safe person (parent) to bite them but not for a stranger or non parent relative to?

It's even worse and far more confusing for their safe person to harm them intentionally than for a stranger or non parent relative to do so!

Unacceptable for an adult to bite a child. Ever. I can't believe so many people on this thread are condoning it.

Let alone people recounting being burned or having their skin stapled by parents without realising this was abuse.

Encouraging the child to bite back? Where does it end?

Threads like this really make me worry what goes on behind closed doors in people's houses.

Children biting is a problem and needs to be addressed. It is not acceptable. I’m saying this as a mum whose daughters were bit reportedly by my nephews. My own sister’s children. I’m still angry about it almost 20 years later (this post stirred that up. It isn’t something I ruminate on.)

I can certainly tell you I was tempted in my frustration to give the kid a little nip but would NEVER EVER do it.

you’re not actually teaching them it is wrong if you bite them.

but the kid needs to be punished.

the relative is clearly in the wrong and that they jumped to physical punishment quickly is real concern. This can be addressed with discussion, boundaries and education. Things have changed since they were kids. Lord knows my parents used to beat me. It was acceptable (to a certain extent) when I was a kid. But it wasn’t “right”. I didn’t best my kids. I would NEVER attempt to physically reprimand my grandchild.

That the relative LIED about it afterwards is even worse. The LYING means you never ever leave them alone with the kid. The lying could move on to so many things. You could never trust what they say.

"It cuts both ways. If OPs child is going around biting people. OP can be reported to social services. They will get involved and could pull the child due to parenting concerns."

Don't be so ridiculous.

What difference would that make a toddler has been assaulted. It is very serious. If the relative has children, they are at risk of investigation as this is the worst possible example of parenting.

That's rubbish and you know it. Not all small children bite, but it is within the bounds of normal behaviour and there are lots of other ways to stop a small child from biting that doesn't include an adult biting a small child.

The threshold for removing a child from their parents' care is high and includes physical, emotional and sexual abuse and neglect which would not be the case here.

Seeing as OP has said that she didn't challenge the relative at the time because she was taught to respect her elders, it's obvious that the relative is older than OP, so not a 4 year old.

It doesn't. SS know that a 4 YO biting in the realms of normal development. If the parent mentioned they were struggling, they could refer back to the HV or early help to support the parent. The would not be concerned about the behaviour though. A parent biting a child is not normal and would be concerning to them, rightly so.

You think it is normal because it was your normal. Because it happened to you, you think child abuse is OK. But it isn't and most people don’t go through what you did.