When a relative bites your child

Surely, you don’t believe that is the only way to teach a child?
Your role is to teach your child right from wrong because a toddler is too young to understand. You do that verbally, reinforced with consequence (time out, naughty step etc). You never physically hurt your own child 😢

"Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it."

You are wrong in assuming that a young child will see the connection. Some will only see that their care giver is hurting them and won't relate it to something they did themselves.

Thank you for all your messages.
The story behind a person is always more complex than a few lines can explain - it's especially difficult to talk back when you have been raised no to talk back and to bow to older people. Different cultures, different habits that become ingrained. Having said that, nobody ever bit me or hit me to teach me something.
I do kick myself for not being able to shout at that relative at that time. It would have been the appropriate response. I immediately took my child away and acknowledged his pain and told him that what they did to him was wrong, then left with him. I had not foreseen something like that would happen.
My child is incredibly caring towards his little brother, with just some rough moments when he is tired or overstimulated. He is only 4.
Anyway, thank you for all of your messages. They helped me make up my mind. I will be addressing this with my husband.

So you threatened to punch another adult’s teeth out? Well done. Such a moral hero to your child there. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 🙄

My DS was going through a phase of biting me a lot. He was so stealth with it too and would come in for a cuddle and then strike. He once bit me while MIL was round and she snatch his arm, held it to her mouth and said “shall I bite you to teach you a lesson?”. I gently moved his arm away from her and said “you’d be picking your teeth up off the floor if you did”. DH’s jaw almost hit the floor. I wouldn’t ever say anything like that to anyone, let alone his mother. But I meant it and I didn’t want to leave any room for doubt that I wouldn’t accept an adult biting my toddler- even if he had just bitten a chunk out of me himself. She has a long history of doing as she pleases, and admittedly I haven’t always been assertive enough in challenging her. But when it comes to keeping my DS safe there’s absolutely no leeway.

Your husband’s family can only treat your children badly if you allow it to happen. Set your boundaries, make them clear and if those boundaries aren’t respected then be certain you follow up on the consequences of that.

I've never understood the reasoning that abusive behaviour not not qualify as abusive behaviour because someone else has done worse.

If that's an effort at minimising this behaviour then it has the opposite effect to the one intended.

'Barbaric' is not too strong a word for adults biting children. It's grotesque, not to mention criminal, behaviour. That it happened 20, 50 or 70 years ago makes it no less grotesque. An abuser is an abuser: this has no concession to generation.

Do you know what, last night after reading this thread, I actually looked at my 3 YOs tiny little arms and that made the thread all the more distressing. How could anyone want to harm such a tiny person? Some posters on this thread seem very proud, and almost seem to take pleasure from the fact that they harmed their children. It is so fucked up.

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

I wasn't hit no but I didn't have gentle parenting. I was dragged around, pushed, had coffee thrown over me, but agree with showing a child what it feels like when they do something like bite. Kids are exploring the world and will do these things but if we don't let them know what they do hurts, as words don't always work, then they carry on

I wasn't hit no but I didn't have gentle parenting. I was dragged around, pushed, had coffee thrown over me, but agree with showing a child what it feels like when they do something like bite. Kids are exploring the world and will do these things but if we don't let them know what they do hurts, as words don't always work, then they carry on

I wasn't hit no but I didn't have gentle parenting. I was dragged around, pushed, had coffee thrown over me, but agree with showing a child what it feels like when they do something like bite. Kids are exploring the world and will do these things but if we don't let them know what they do hurts, as words don't always work, then they carry on

My parents always did this if we punched, bit hair pulled etc. one time I stapled my brother's finger and I got stapled too. It it's someone 60 or older I don't think they realise times have changed.

How would you have dealt with it?

I wasn't hit no but I didn't have gentle parenting. I was dragged around, pushed, had coffee thrown over me, but agree with showing a child what it feels like when they do something like bite. Kids are exploring the world and will do these things but if we don't let them know what they do hurts, as words don't always work, then they carry on

Wait a minute so you weren’t hit but then question why people who were hit as kids “question the methods that raised them?” If you don’t have any personal experience of what those of us who were raised like this are talking about it’s not really your place to say that we’re “nanny pamby” because we don’t want to inflict physical pain on our children.

There are plenty of bullies in the world that my children will encounter, I’ll be damned if I’ll be the first one.

Old school and probably done to teach than punish. Better than biting the wrong person, who'll properly bite back or whack real hard.

We were all "burnt" on the fireplace, hob and candles at an early age to know not to get close. (Shock horror!!!).

No memory of it personally, but know from seeing the younger ones go through it. No abuse otherwise, just a painful lesson.

Yuck.

Don’t think it was down to luck sweetheart

I absolutely love this. But at the same time, how was your son able to continually bite you, to the point that he was even being sleekit about it? This is not on either and I absolutely wouldn't stand for it from my 3 year old, no matter what age he was. It would have been firmly dealt with and he wouldn't ever dare do it again.