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Original poster

When a relative bites your child

534 replies

Roberta2020 · 20/02/2025 15:27

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

OP posts:
Graniteisaverygoodsurface · 20/02/2025 17:19

Hwi · 20/02/2025 16:56

Why are you asking, you obviously know the answer! But on here you will be told 'exploring with his/her mouth' with an add-on that it is 'perfectly normal'. Aye.

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It’s common, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable or desirable behaviour. And there are plenty of methods for disciplining a biting child without biting them back. Hence why my child did it a couple of times and no longer does. I’m by no means a “gentle parenter”, quite strict in fact, but still think biting a child is terrible parenting.

It’s almost like you need to caricature modern parents to shift the attention from such terrible parenting back in the ‘80s.

diddl · 20/02/2025 17:18

Who does your husband believe?

Of course you don't leave them with that relative again.

Who knows what else they might do?

This is why respect shouldn't automatically be given just because of age imo.

IfItWasUpToMeIWould · 20/02/2025 17:18

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

Yes I did this with my DD, not hard, but like you enough so she understood it hurt. She never did it again as she realised there would be consequences, and that biting people really hurts.
However it was inappropriate for the family relative to do this and if anyone had done this to my child they would’ve felt my wrath!

AnonymousBleep · 20/02/2025 17:17

I don't know what to put because you were being unreasonable not having a massive go at the lunatic who bit your child. I'd have been incandescent.

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/02/2025 17:17

Doingmybest12 · 20/02/2025 15:55

It's not ok and is abusive but it is an old fashioned parenting technique that some would do/have done without malice and it doesn't necessarily mean they present an ongoing risk of harm to children. You need to decide as the parent about how you feel about this. If you think it was malice then you should act accordingly to protect your child. If you think it was misguided parenting technique then you need to talk about this with the person or just not leave your child there if you can't trust them not to do it again. At the end of the day though I'd not tolerate a random relative doing this as I wouldn't expect them to correct this kind of behaviour in this way and I wouldn't allow them to care for my child.

Sensible post.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 20/02/2025 17:16

ACatNamedRobin · 20/02/2025 16:07

@Dozycuntlaters
Why is it abuse if it's just doing something to someone that they did to you??

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This is beyond fucked up. So in your world a toddler headbutts a man during a tantrum so it's ok for the man to headbutt the child back? As I said, beyond fucked up.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 20/02/2025 17:15

So did the relative admit it in front of you and then deny it in front of your husband?

You say the relative was saying "it's for his own good" but also saying you believe your child, but if the relative has admitted it in front of you, it isn't really a question of who to believe is it?

What did you say at the time, and what was said when he denied it in front of your husband?

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 20/02/2025 17:14

You said nothing?!

FFS stand up for your child.
That is physical assault by an adult on a child.
I'd be get out of my house, you're not welcome here, ever, & I don't want to see you, in any circumstances.

Springadorable · 20/02/2025 17:13

Doggymummar · 20/02/2025 15:58

My parents always did this if we punched, bit hair pulled etc. one time I stapled my brother's finger and I got stapled too. It it's someone 60 or older I don't think they realise times have changed.

How would you have dealt with it?

Edited

Wtaf? Your parents stapled you?! That's horrific. And even worse that you think it's somehow justifiable.

ThejoyofNC · 20/02/2025 17:12

If someone did this to my child I'd be in prison. I'd have to relieve her of her teeth so she doesn't have the means to bite children anymore.

IkeaJesusChrist · 20/02/2025 17:10

If one of my relatives did this they'd be in a wheelchair.

verycloakanddaggers · 20/02/2025 17:09

Hwi · 20/02/2025 16:58

Brilliant proposition, only 99.9% of children don't bite, sorry, 'don't explore with their gobs'.

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I think you have a mistaken view of child development, that percentage is entirely incorrect.

For example from the Welsh government: Most children go through a phase where they will bite another child or adult. They do not understand that they will hurt someone if they bite. Children usually move on from biting.

Channellingsophistication · 20/02/2025 17:07

This can’t be real surely … that you stood by and did nothing while your child was screaming after having been bitten by an adult?

HelenCurlyBrown · 20/02/2025 17:05

Doggymummar · 20/02/2025 15:58

My parents always did this if we punched, bit hair pulled etc. one time I stapled my brother's finger and I got stapled too. It it's someone 60 or older I don't think they realise times have changed.

How would you have dealt with it?

Edited

My god. What bloody wicked parents. Stapling? That’s unspeakably awful to mete that out in retaliation. What kind of sick parent does that?

TagSplashMaverick · 20/02/2025 17:02

Jesus this is such an archaic approach. Vile. I wouldn’t allow them with my child again.

But….why didn’t you speak up?

HelenCurlyBrown · 20/02/2025 17:00

You’d be a pretty poor parent if you did anything but ensure your child is not ever left unsupervised with this abusive relative. How dare they?

And as for ‘respecting your elders’? What archaic nonsense is this? You’re an adult.

Guinessandafire · 20/02/2025 17:00

What a bat shit thread.

So, do we burn children..just second degree, mind..to stop them touching hot things?

The old chestnut of ' It was a different time' is absolutely no excuse. " Oh I was serial killer in the '80s, everyone was it, it was a different time " .

I've noticed a few posters itching to say parenting is too woke and snow flakey these days. The ' non liberal' Gran comment was a bit telling.

As for the OP not saying anything due to respecting elders..Jesus wept, I hope your dc doesn't grow up remembering how you didn't defend them.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 20/02/2025 16:59

LaineyCee · 20/02/2025 16:59

I’m not advocating it as a training method. I haven’t read any research on the topic, and have no idea what the evidence basis would be. Yet I do know that it is what every bitch does to her own puppies….

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Because dogs can’t talk and humans can. Hope this helps.

LaineyCee · 20/02/2025 16:59

LucyMonth · 20/02/2025 16:54

Many people do that indeed. And many people are f**king insane.

I’ve worked in animal rescue for decades and puppies know their human owners aren’t just giant fleshy dogs. They are massively intelligent and understand our body language so much better than we understand theirs. It isn’t hard to teach a puppy not to play nip without biting them like a psychopath.

Edited
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I’m not advocating it as a training method. I haven’t read any research on the topic, and have no idea what the evidence basis would be. Yet I do know that it is what every bitch does to her own puppies….

SpringleDingle · 20/02/2025 16:58

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

My daughter bit me on the thigh once at about the same age. Hard enough to leave marks and a big bruise. I jumped and shouted (it was a bit of a shock) and then calmly told her off and she never bit me or anyone else again.

You really don't have to bite your kids to teach them lessons!

Hwi · 20/02/2025 16:58

LucyMonth · 20/02/2025 16:52

Maybe we should all just bite our children once they turn around 2 years old, even if they haven’t bitten anyone. Might as well show them what it’s like so they don’t start doing it. Why wait until they start biting to teach the lesson! Maybe give them a slap and good hair pull as well, get ahead of that.

People claiming they bit their children but “not to hurt them” so they would “know what it’s like”…how did they “know what it’s like” if you didn’t do it to hurt them? That doesn’t make a whole lotta sense.

Brilliant proposition, only 99.9% of children don't bite, sorry, 'don't explore with their gobs'.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 20/02/2025 16:57

Hwi · 20/02/2025 16:56

Why are you asking, you obviously know the answer! But on here you will be told 'exploring with his/her mouth' with an add-on that it is 'perfectly normal'. Aye.

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You seem to be a big advocate for physically punishing children and all I’m going to say is it clearly never taught you any manners or respect.

Bbq1 · 20/02/2025 16:57

Disgusting. I wouldn't be seeing them again. It sounds like a "punishment" circa 1900.

Kitte321 · 20/02/2025 16:56

verycloakanddaggers · 20/02/2025 16:51

Thanks for this, I agree.

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100% agree with this. I have no idea who parents like that? You teach children that aggression is wrong and model different behaviours. As the parent you are the adult in the relationship and should surely be better equipped than to retaliate.

Hwi · 20/02/2025 16:56

dutysuite · 20/02/2025 16:09

Why is your child biting people?

Why are you asking, you obviously know the answer! But on here you will be told 'exploring with his/her mouth' with an add-on that it is 'perfectly normal'. Aye.