Page 15 | When a relative bites your child

Roberta2020 · 2025-02-20T15:27:16+00:00

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it. Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'. I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative. The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten. I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

BigHeadBertha · 20/02/2025 17:39

I am often reminded that half the population has below average intelligence.

HollyBerryz · 20/02/2025 17:37

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

Same happened to me. I firmly said no, that hurts, took them off the boob and placed them down and it never happened again. Who knew!

IfItWasUpToMeIWould · 20/02/2025 17:36

swingandtrampoline · 20/02/2025 16:03

A child psychologist once recommended to my dear friend that when her toddler was attacking her older sister, that the older sister should pull her hair hard but not too hard in return and it would stop. Friend found it ridiculous and thought wtf is wrong with the psychologist teaching assault against assault and whilst on holiday after her older daughter was attacked by the younger one numerous times that day, my friend told her older daughter to pull her younger sisters hair if she ever bit, hit, pulled her hair and so on. So the toddler attacked the older sister again that day and this time the older sister grabbed her hair and pulled it hard enough to shock the toddler. My friend swears by it that to this day, the two girls are now younger and older teens now and the little one has never ever touched her older sister ever again. Don't shoot the messenger...

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I agree, my son was regularly bullied at school by a group of boys and teachers did nothing inspite of my repeated complaints. This was 1990’s when I guess attitudes were different.
In the end I told DS next time anyone punched or kicked him to punch him back good and hard in the face. My DS punched him so hard he broke his own hand, however those boys never bullied my DS ever again, in fact no one did and the remainder of his school days were pleasant.
When a teacher asked my DS why his hand and arm were in plaster he said ‘I punched Robert Davis in the face sir’ the teacher said ‘Well done boy, he had that coming’.

Rhaidimiddim · 20/02/2025 17:35

What do you do when your child bites their brother?

IVbumble · 20/02/2025 17:34

A horse bit me once.

I made damn sure to bite it back so it could learn what it felt like & to never do that again. 🙄

ACatNamedRobin · 20/02/2025 17:34

HelenCurlyBrown · 20/02/2025 17:05

My god. What bloody wicked parents. Stapling? That’s unspeakably awful to mete that out in retaliation. What kind of sick parent does that?

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@HelenCurlyBrown

I don't understand why it's unspeakably awful to do to someone what they just did themselves to someone else??
Surely it's the most natural consequence of their action?

Noone has answered the question, there's just outrage at it being asked.

OodlesPoodle · 20/02/2025 17:33

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 16:19

Okay so before everyone derails the post, this was not abuse, it may be considered abuse now by the flaky way in which we parent, as in we have no control over our children, the teachers have no control of the children and the police have no control over children.

When this happened it was over 30 odd years ago, this is not an excuse and I will not be apologising for teaching my daughter a valuable lesson.

As the saying goes opinions are like arse holes and everyone has one.

You don't have to like or agree with what I did, but at the time it was the correct thing to do for me.

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Here's an opinion - You were just a lazy, impatient, ill tempered parent who governed by fear. There were plenty of parents like you 30 years ago and plenty of 30 year olds in therapy (unknown to their parents) for various anxiety issues brought on from living in fear of corporal punishment. I guess the real measure of your success as a parent will be how much time your daughter spends with you when you're in need of care.

MyDeftDuck · 20/02/2025 17:33

BlitheSpirits · 20/02/2025 16:31

It is not up to a parent to decide it is ok to bite their child.it is illegal !

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Where did I suggest that the OP was OK to bite her child?? I merely pointed out that it WAS NOT OK for anyone else to punish her child!

Strictlymad · 20/02/2025 17:32

This is quite shocking - yes there will always be people that say I did this to my child to teach them a lesson… for the record I don’t agree with it even in this instance but the difference is it’s their own child who they choose discipline for. THIS WASNT A PARENT!! There is no way this is ever ever ok and if it’s dh relative he needs serious words

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 20/02/2025 17:31

MidnightMeltdown · 20/02/2025 17:29

@MumCanIHaveASnackPlease

Yes I think that Scotland has different laws, but in England it's legal to smack your own child, or somebody else's, as long as it's 'reasonable' punishment (whatever that means).

When I was growing up it was normal to smack kids so I imagine that a lot of older people still have that opinion and don't see anything wrong in it.

I’m Scottish so this is insane to me. Absolute madness.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/02/2025 17:31

You don't even need to trust your child because the relative admitted they did it. I wouldn't let them see my child again.

Comfortablycosy · 20/02/2025 17:30

My three year old sister bit my grandmother who bit her back. There was no mark, no blood, just a shock. My sister never bit anyone again.

Is the child who was bitten four?

MidnightMeltdown · 20/02/2025 17:29

@MumCanIHaveASnackPlease

Yes I think that Scotland has different laws, but in England it's legal to smack your own child, or somebody else's, as long as it's 'reasonable' punishment (whatever that means).

When I was growing up it was normal to smack kids so I imagine that a lot of older people still have that opinion and don't see anything wrong in it.

MumoftwoGranofone · 20/02/2025 17:28

An adult should never ever bite a child (or hit them or smack them etc)

Ghosttofu99 · 20/02/2025 17:28

needapokerface · 20/02/2025 15:40

My daughter bit me on the fleshy part of my boob when she was about 2, a full set of teeth marks were visible for hours and I bit her on her arm not as hard as she bit me but enough to know it hurts.

It was the 1st and last time she ever bit anyone.

Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it.

Nothing could induce me to bite my own child. I don’t think any form of violence towards children is acceptable and it’s commonly accepted now that hurting a child is more likely to result in that child thinking hurting others is acceptable.

RisingSunn · 20/02/2025 17:26

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 20/02/2025 17:22

I too am interested to know...
A) what OPs method of stopping her child from biting is and...
B) Since this incident, has child bitten again?

It may be missing the point but I do think if it curbs the behaviour and child doesn't do it again...hey ho.

Also, I do believe if this is a relative that loves your child and you have trusted up till this point, having a conversation to say please don't do that again, should be enough.

I also think having 1 awkward conversation with a family member is a lot better than having a bunch of nursery or school mums angry with you because your child thinks it OK to bite....

All of the people screaming abuse on here would be livid if their Child was bitten by another and the other parent was apologetic but had nothing in place to stop the behaviour.

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Exactly.

2025willbemytime · 20/02/2025 17:26

Roberta2020 · 20/02/2025 17:20

Thank you for all your messages.
The story behind a person is always more complex than a few lines can explain - it's especially difficult to talk back when you have been raised no to talk back and to bow to older people. Different cultures, different habits that become ingrained. Having said that, nobody ever bit me or hit me to teach me something.
I do kick myself for not being able to shout at that relative at that time. It would have been the appropriate response. I immediately took my child away and acknowledged his pain and told him that what they did to him was wrong, then left with him. I had not foreseen something like that would happen.
My child is incredibly caring towards his little brother, with just some rough moments when he is tired or overstimulated. He is only 4.
Anyway, thank you for all of your messages. They helped me make up my mind. I will be addressing this with my husband.

When you have a child you start looking forward not back. Forward on to how you want them to grow up. Not back to when you were a child when it is to the detriment of your child. Child before parents, grandparents, always in cases of abuse and violence at least. Caveat as I know what posters are like.

Dolambslikemintsauce · 20/02/2025 17:25

Op if you or your dh had discussed this and agreed it was a parenting method you both agreed on then fair enough.. But an adult not a parent of a dc taking it upon themselves to do it is bad.. Really bad....
You would have to wonder what other parenting 'skills 'they were happy to administer when you weren't around.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 20/02/2025 17:24

MidnightMeltdown · 20/02/2025 17:22

Did it leave a mark?

As I understand it, smacking and other forms of corporal punishment are legal as long as it isn't severe enough to leave a mark.

While you might not agree with it, people have different ideas about how to discipline children.

They’re not legal in Scotland. Very very much illegal.

Sevenamcoffee · 20/02/2025 17:23

AmyDudley · 20/02/2025 16:14

I am 65, I would never ever in a million years have attacked my children in this way, neither would my parents born in the 1920's.

Please don't perpetuate the myth that all older people are violent and mad.
Some people are just nasty inadequate parents, age is irrelevant.

Edited

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Absolutely agree, I can’t bear this assumption that nobody thought abusive practices were wrong back in the day, they did. My parents would be in their eighties now and didn’t even smack us.

MidnightMeltdown · 20/02/2025 17:22

Did it leave a mark?

As I understand it, smacking and other forms of corporal punishment are legal as long as it isn't severe enough to leave a mark.

While you might not agree with it, people have different ideas about how to discipline children.

mrpenny · 20/02/2025 17:22

IkeaJesusChrist · 20/02/2025 17:10

If one of my relatives did this they'd be in a wheelchair.

Ah..so OK to assault them then…

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 20/02/2025 17:22

FedupMum2024 · 20/02/2025 15:37

What have you done to curb your child's biting habits?

I too am interested to know...
A) what OPs method of stopping her child from biting is and...
B) Since this incident, has child bitten again?

It may be missing the point but I do think if it curbs the behaviour and child doesn't do it again...hey ho.

Also, I do believe if this is a relative that loves your child and you have trusted up till this point, having a conversation to say please don't do that again, should be enough.

I also think having 1 awkward conversation with a family member is a lot better than having a bunch of nursery or school mums angry with you because your child thinks it OK to bite....

All of the people screaming abuse on here would be livid if their Child was bitten by another and the other parent was apologetic but had nothing in place to stop the behaviour.

Original poster

Roberta2020 · 20/02/2025 17:20

Thank you for all your messages.
The story behind a person is always more complex than a few lines can explain - it's especially difficult to talk back when you have been raised no to talk back and to bow to older people. Different cultures, different habits that become ingrained. Having said that, nobody ever bit me or hit me to teach me something.
I do kick myself for not being able to shout at that relative at that time. It would have been the appropriate response. I immediately took my child away and acknowledged his pain and told him that what they did to him was wrong, then left with him. I had not foreseen something like that would happen.
My child is incredibly caring towards his little brother, with just some rough moments when he is tired or overstimulated. He is only 4.
Anyway, thank you for all of your messages. They helped me make up my mind. I will be addressing this with my husband.

OP posts:

TempestTost · 20/02/2025 17:19

My dad bit me once. I bit him, hard, on the fleshy part of his ass while he was having a pee. I have a very vivid memory of the whole thing.

It's maybe not a great thing to do, but tbh I am not convinced it's really the end of the world either. I certainly took the lesson that biting really hurts and I shouldn't do it to other people.