When a relative bites your child

I'm almost 62 and I don't consider biting a child to teach them lesson appropriate in the least.

This is so bloody ridiculous. The relative assaulted the child. OP should not allow that person near her child and husband should feel the same. NC with that person wouldn't be out of line.

I agree. When young, one of my aunts was visiting us with her daughter who bit my sister (this cousin was known for this type of behaviour). My aunt and my mum saw her do it from a distance, but my aunt did nothing, so my mum marched down the garden and bit my cousin on the arm and told her that's how it felt to be bit (despite her howling and little sympathy from her own mother, she learned her lesson).
Nevertheless @Roberta2020, I have voted YANBU - not about the relative biting your DC back per se, but because having admitted they did it, they then back-tracked and lied about it. They should be prepared to stand by what they did and not now try to make your child out to be a liar.

If you’re comfortable with people doing. Stuff to your kids that a few miles away is considered illegal and would send them to jail then that’s up to you.

My post literally said I don't agree with people physically disciplining children that aren't theirs.. yet you've replied specifically to say that I must be okay with it??

Okay then.

Would you do this for kicking, punching, pushing behaviour?
Or just biting?

Bite the relative to show them it hurts and they shouldn't do it again. Then tell your child it is only okay to bite people when teaching them that biting us wrong... 🤔

Seriously though, your kid shouldn't bite others. Neither should your relative...

They both need a time out!

There is a huge amount of difference between ignoring your child’s bad behaviour and letting it continue and biting or hitting them.

Neither is correct. Most parents manage to strike a balance. Mine never went through a biting phase but did experiment with slapping when he was about 2. Not actual really slapping, mind - more swiping at you. I told him no very firmly, we do not behave that way. He stopped and never did it again. He is also well adjusted, successful in every way possible and very close to me.

I know. Its a shame people are stupid enough to think that's how children learn.

I did the same not hard but they also never did it again. I honestly dont think they know how much it hurts. But I would be livid it someone else did that to my child though

I think while biting your child for biting may well be effective in stopping them doing it again (because they are scared to) it’s not a good approach because it’s still teaching them being violent is an appropriate response to being hurt. Our youngest bit our eldest on a couple of occasions. First time we separated them, one of us checked eldest was ok/calmed her down while other said firmly “No we never bite” to little sis. Second time I split them up said same and youngest wasn’t allowed back in soft play for duration of session. She has never done it again. I felt like not being allowed to play if you can’t be trusted not to hurt the other kids was a good natural consequence. There is an argument letting another child bite them back might also be a good natural consequence. Certainly ify kids do something mean to each other I sometimes let that be the end of it at the time and just remind them later when they’ve calmed down how much they were upset by each other so that’s why we don’t do it. I don’t think an adult doing it can be construed as at all proportionate. I don’t think the age of the adult involved matters. That said it’s not the end of the world. I think reporting to the police or never seeing the relative again are quite extreme. I think not leaving child alone with them again seems pretty sensible.

They wouldn't be seeing either me or my child again.

Out of interest, do your DC have children yet? I didn't realise how bad mine were until I was a parent myself. I would certainly never leave my DC with them. Many of us have managed to raise kind, respectful DC without abusing them and guess what, because of that ours are less likely to become child abusers themselves.

This is appalling! Your parents stapled your finger?!

Both my parents and in-laws are in their 70s and have never and would never do any of these things, it might have been a bit more common back then but it certainly wasn’t universal. They never smacked us or hit us either.

I’m horrified that some posters on this thread think this is ok.

Weak argument when you use one example to try and prove your point. There would have been plenty of children behaving perfectly in Sainsburys and you didn’t notice them.

I hope you took a picture for proof should you need it

your kids are absolutely in therapy. They just haven’t told you, because they’re still scared of you.

You speak utter rubbish, some kids are ferrel because their parents are either too busy, too tired or can’t be bothered to teach them right from wrong.
If our kids hurt each other they got back what they gave out from me. Guess what, we have an excellent loving well balanced loving relationship with our adult DD and DS, and they are successful in every possible way.
I saw a child in Sainsbury’s a while back, about 4 yrs old, dragging stuff off the shelves and throwing it on the floor, the mother did nothing. If that’s today’s parenting then something has gone seriously wrong!

I would have absolutely nothing to do with this particular individual. Ever.
If they ever come looking for you to do something for them, or anyone in your family (so your DH or any of your kids), I'd do my best to make it as difficult as possible for them to help out too.

How dare they!

I think a swift punch to the face the next time you see them would sort that out. I'd say "As DChild wasn't able to do this, I think it's only fair and right that I do it on their behalf." , followed by a very chilling "Don't you ever touch my child again or it will be the last thing you ever do!"

A lorry ran me over so I ran over the lorry.

It's a valid and effective way of teaching about biting, but it's up to parent to choose this method or not. And the bite should be given by the parent too. Your relative overstepped.

No adult should ever physically discipline a child.

Full stop.

It doesn't work as multiple studies have shown, irrespective of the fact that it's abuse.

If an adult bit another adult it would rightly be deemed to be assault. How can anyone possibly argue it shouldn't be the same for a child being bitten by an adult?

In the part of the country I live in it is abuse and it is illegal and so of course I would call the police. If you’re comfortable with people doing. Stuff to your kids that a few miles away is considered illegal and would send them to jail then that’s up to you.

Plenty of people teach child not to
bite without biting their children. I have never bite my children, they got out of the biting stage.

Of course. If you teach your children that violence is an appropriate response to violence then that is the lesson they internalize.

'My parents smacked me and it never did me any harm' is an oft-heard protestation, usually used in justification for meteing out a slap or two to their own children in anger/retaliation for poor behaviour. This is teaching them, as they were taught by their own parents, to perpetuate a cycle in which being lashed out at justifies the response of lashing out in anger in turn. And so it continues.

By this reckoning, it did do them harm.

I disciplined my DC for biting, which seemingly came from nowhere and was a piece of behaviour they never repeated. This involved no slapping, counter-biting, shouting or otherwise abusive behaviour on my part. It's completely unnecessary and poor parenting, showing nothing other than a lack of control and a temporary release of their own anger whilst teaching their kid this is an appropriate response. Nor is it generational. My grandparents, born in the 1920s, would never have dreamed of doing this.

If you can't control yourself then you're not fit to instil discipline in others.

Was there no mark or anything? Saying your child is 'adamant they were bitten' and you were there in the immediate aftermath leads me to think there was no evidence of it? Was the child shocked rather than hurt? Surely you would have seen some sort of mark if they were bitten?

IMO no adult should EVER physically discipline another child that isn't theirs, and I would be furious about it, but I don't actually disagree with the method used as an effective consequence.

I do think people labelling this as abuse is quite insulting, and those talking about calling the police?? Come on now.