When a relative bites your child

There’s respecting your elders and then condoning abuse of your own child. Someone bit your child and you knew and did nothing. Wow

I would have pointed out another fact. Just because a child does something wrong it doesn't mean the adult should do it too. They should know better. They have just taught the child that it's OK to bite if your a grown up. They should know better.

You can make a point without really....doing the same? Like when my children bit in my arm (or such) - they never bit other children - I would put my teeth in their arm without really biting and explaining that the more I bit the more it hurt? I let them say when it hurt and please stop mommy - never hurt them, just gently warned them by demonstrating teeth cán hurt. I would never ever hurt a child!

You should have absolutely said something. If you don’t defend your child who will? The moment has now passed but the opportunity to set clear boundaries has not. ‘We do not physically punish our children and you have crossed a serious line and this will not happen again.’ I would only permit supervised visits and would insist they apologise to my child. Guessing your child is made to apologise to their sibling when they bite? This makes me feel sick and I’d be raging and would have completely lost my shit at the person. I’m guessing it’s your MIl because I can think of few other relatives that would so disgustingly cross a major boundary like this. Where is your husband in all this?!

I'm very confident that the police would disagree with that.

But then if a relative smacked my child, they wouldn't be seeing them again either.

Making it clear to my child that I will protect them from adults who thinks it's acceptable to physically abuse them isn't excessive.

To be honest, I'm not sure what other people think but I've assumed it is one of his parents that did this, probably his mum, the fact that they are older and the child is left alone in their care, plus OP mentioned cultural differences, and they seemed to admit doing something in the moment to OP but then denied it in front of DH, makes me think it is OPs MIL, could be wrong of course.

Not sure how DH would have received it and if he plans on doing anything about it, if it is his mum none of this will be a surprise to him surely?

Did your child have teeth marks, bruises? If not, I'd say the "bite" wasn't actually a bite, but just to show the child it's naughty and people can bite back. Kids get thrown out of nursery etc because they bite. Dogs bite not children, the child needs to be taught that, one way or another. Personally I'd have shouted at the child so loud their ears would be ringing and they'd have cried, guaranteed. I wouldn't have bit them but, years ago it would have been a bite for a bite. now can't even give a good slap on the bottom to stop bad behaviour. Can't correct kids now so expect bad behaviour.

The difference is that when a small child bites, they don't understand what they are doing and how much it hurts but when an adult bites a child as punishment and 'to teach them a lesson' they know exactly what they are doing.

Other posters have said that they bit their child hard enough to hurt, otherwise the child wouldn't have understood that biting was painful. This is a dreadful thing for an adult, particularly a parent, to do to their own child. I really can't understand the mindset of a parent that wants to hurt their own child.

@Roberta2020 definitely not being unreasonable. My mother and others all took a similar approach to biting. Tbf, there's nothing worse than a child or other biting another child.
Changed days and I certainly wouldn't bite a child.

That's assault perhaps tell them if anyone heard about that and the police turn up who would you ask to lie about it to cover up. Obviously an assault on a child would be regarded by the police as a serious criminal act. Relative telling lies not owning up to the parents is another red flag.

Either way, this would be for OP to deal with, not an adult relative

This. Although I’d have ripped their teeth out

That's assault! You need to call the police. It's a safeguarding issue. Protect your child, not the relative.

I'd be calling socail services. Natural consequences and all that.

I always think of the phrase, “two wrongs don’t make a right.” Biting your sibling is wrong, but small children do tend to bite. An adult biting a child to teach them it hurts is very wrong.

My mum did it to me and I still trusted her because it wasn’t part of a regime of abuse; it was a one off with an explanation following.

I suspect loads of people have thought it'd be a good way to reach a child but to actually do it!!! OMG how awful what a cruel thing to do, your poor child. I hope child is OK. I'd never want to see that person again.

My mum did this when I bit my baby sister (I was 6). She bit my hand to show me how much it hurt. I haven’t used the same method on my children, but it did work.

I had a biter. The health visitor told me to scream and put him straight down when he bit me. That worked too.

Both methods could be seen as overly dramatic, I suppose.

If your husband was at least half a man,he would sort this out himself.

Mine did too, but I managed to teach her without resorting to biting her. A firm no, followed by unlatching her and putting her down on the floor, was more than enough to teach her that biting led to an undesirable outcome for her.

When our second DS was a baby/toddler he went through a biting stage, would try and bite his elder brother. My MIL said-bite him back then he’ll stop, I couldn't believe it, I told her quite clearly that I don't bite children.
I mentioned this to our health visitor, she instantly changed from a smiley supportive person to a serious face health care professional, saying they take any adult bite marks seriously, it would raise an instant safeguarding concern, as it should.
Funnily enough, years later, the MIL moans that she never sees her grown up grand children….

I think it is excessive.

there’s a difference between BITING and biting.

same as smacking and beating.

I don't think it's excessive at all. I'd be involving the police too.

Biting a child is disgusting.

My son was about 20 months old when he bit my upper arm…. Hard enough to break the skin and bruise.
I “bit” him back, like you, not hard and said “you do not bite”.

He never bit me or anyone again.

In this instance though, it wasn’t mom or dad they did the disciplining. It was an older relative, which I don’t think is acceptable.
I definitely would have said something, and made it clear that they needed to apologise and under no circumstances do anything like that again.

banning them from seeing the child is a bit excessive.

my other question about this scenario, is why would someone else have to step in to quell the biting suffered by the brother, if the parents were dealing with it in the right way? Was it constant? Was there injuries?

but anyway….. yes. Biting is a hard no for me and I felt with it the same way as you did. 🫶

Fully agree with you. What a nasty thing to do to your own child