When a relative bites your child

This is a zombie thread about biting - coincidence???

I'm unsure why you had to bring the fact that the family was Polish into it?!

OMG what's happening here? Some people are saying it's ok? WTF I wouldn't do that too my own child let alone someone else's! Tell the relative too keep their hands off your child ! Gosh your child looks at you for protection , why you even asking advice on this?

@daleylama

You clearly haven't tried it. No pain necessary. Try raising 4 children and see how you go

If it doesn't hurt then how does it deter them from doing it again?

Exactly. It felt odd doing so!

Plenty of people raise multiple children without biting them

A sentence that you shouldn’t even need to say!

If it doesn't hurt then what does it teach? It won't teach biting hurts.

Plenty of people raise multiple children without biting them.

Also the image of a grown adult biting a child is a mix of ridiculous and very sad

I really do not understand this bizarre attitude of biting children when they bite others. Surely you can think of many other ways to stop this behaviour without resorting to biting?!!

It’s a bit like when people say they would only smack their child if they ran out in to the road. It’s really just not necessary! A stern voice in both instances, yes. Even shouting etc.

It’s like some parents will find any excuse to discipline in this way.

You clearly haven't tried it. No pain necessary. Try raising 4 children and see how you go

You're not biting your dh in the first place though

Calling it a 'play bite' is just a cutesy way of down playing what they are doing to the child, it's the same when people claim they 'tap' their child where really, it is still a smack.

It isn't a 'play bite' to bite a child hard enough to show that it is wrong. If you aren't hurting them then you aren't showing them why it is wrong which is the whole point.

@daleylama

You assume many things here, including defining child abuse

Severity and intent are all. A play bite to show the child that this is wrong is one thing ( and my parents did it to us). Breaking skin, bruising -something else entirely.

If someone bites a child to teach them not to do it to others, they have to do it hard enough that it hurts the child otherwise it would be pointless.

Biting a child hard enough it hurts is abusive.

If your husband bit you hard enough that it hurts, would you not think that was abusive?

What low standards you must have to not see it as an abusive act.

in my former job in safeguarding I know of two instances of a toddler being taken into care because a parent bit them back ‘to teach them a lesson’ this ended up in lengthy parenting assessments and court proceedings. This is considered child abuse.

I was bitten so much by my 15month old DD I looked like I was being beaten. I never bit her back but god I considered it when at my absolute wits end trying to get her to stop. I ended up covering my arm in English mustard, that was a nice little shock for her and she never did it again.

Severity and intent are all. A play bite to show the child that this is wrong is one thing ( and my parents did it to us). Breaking skin, bruising -something else entirely.

How else would you describe biting a child? I'm very confident that the police wouldn't tell me that it isn't a police matter.

I can see your point up to a point! My parents often had my children and were told that they were to do whatever was necessary to discipline them if necessary. I did know though, that any punishment would be a last resort and they would never, ever, hurt them. I didn’t need to tell them that it wasn’t allowed. They had never hit me so I had no reason to believe they would suddenly become monsters. Any discipline required would take the form of treats being withheld or some such, never violence.

You assume many things here, including defining child abuse

I'd be very concerned if the police didn't take child abuse seriously.

This ! NOT 'call the police'

Because I seriously doubt you'd get a response at all for one, and hat happens next if they do? Ruptured relations between the people involved, something that could be fdealt with and forgotten about causes problems that ripple on and on. Get a grip..I'm amazed how many people think involving the police is appropriate as a first course of action here and in many other instances. Adults should be adulting. Discuss.

i can just imagine the response you'd get !

It is your job to protect your child but also to train it. How close is this relative?
Some of the advice on here is OTT if it is a parent in law (report to police), I can just imagine the trouble that would cause you.
A mother bear will protect its young but give the cub a clout if it out of order.

As mentioned up thread, there is a GULF of difference between being a flaky parent and actually biting your child!

It is perfectly possible to be firm with your kid, teach them not to bite or hurt others without actually biting them yourself!