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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not share my inheritance with sibling?

371 replies

MoneyFromMyGodmother · 20/02/2025 14:42

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

OP posts:
OVienna · 24/02/2025 09:26

tempname1234 · 22/02/2025 10:15

No need to share the inheritance. If godmother wanted to extend to your sibling their money, they would have done so. So no, no sharing

take this also as a lesson about sharing. Don’t share information you don’t need to. Why does your sibling know about this inheritance? Why do they know the amount? Because someone told them. Did you share this information? If so, why? What did you think would happen by sharing about a financial windfall? Stop over sharing.

The mother paid to obtain the will! The OP didn't share the info. MN should really edit the OP to reflect this.

Christwosheds · 23/02/2025 15:51

Derbee · 20/02/2025 15:37

Would you be expecting expected to share a workplace bonus? Or a scratch card win? Ridiculous! Tell them that it’s been put aside for your DC and you're not discussing it again.

This . My Sil is better off than us. This is down mostly to luck, by chance she bought a property in an up and coming part of an expensive city, and has made a huge amount of money on it. Should she share this money with her brother , my DH ? Nobody would expect her to do this.
The OP’s situation is less down to luck and more down to her having a close relationship over time with her Godmother. This is partly due to the GM but also the OP making an effort to keep the relationship going even though they lived 200 miles from each other.
I would give my db a chunk of a lottery win, because we are close, but I wouldn’t share money given to me as a gift in a will, because that would be disrespectful to the giver.

Oncewornballgown · 22/02/2025 10:33

@tempname1234 The OP didn’t share the information. Her mother paid to see a copy of the Will online.

tempname1234 · 22/02/2025 10:15

No need to share the inheritance. If godmother wanted to extend to your sibling their money, they would have done so. So no, no sharing

take this also as a lesson about sharing. Don’t share information you don’t need to. Why does your sibling know about this inheritance? Why do they know the amount? Because someone told them. Did you share this information? If so, why? What did you think would happen by sharing about a financial windfall? Stop over sharing.

nope2025 · 22/02/2025 09:46

Do not share your money. The deceased wanted YOU to have it. The end.

telestrations · 22/02/2025 09:43

They know about the money as my mum decided to find the will online when looking at another relatives Will

Omg!!!! Your mother is a piece of work.

I am so sorry. Not only are you her unfavoured child but are expected to make up for her lack of an inheritance to the one that is

I wish you all the best in the world that you find yourself surrounded by people whom love and treat you much better and take your DC on that special holiday

TheMauveBeaker · 22/02/2025 09:36

Absolutely refuse to share. The money was left to you and your DC, nobody else!

Jayne35 · 22/02/2025 09:28

Pay half on your debts and half towards a holiday, nothing for sibling and let your parents know that you won't be sharing it.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 22/02/2025 04:27

Keep the money and tell them all to get ducked - how entitled are they like damn

Sounds like you had a horrible past with ex-dh, so go on holiday, make some happy memories.

Rockschooldropout · 22/02/2025 00:23

Tell your awful parents to bog right off .., your GM left if to YOU, if the tables were turned and your sibling had an inheritance would they be pressured to share with you ? I bet not ..
Also you cannot legally share out your DC’s inheritance … use the money to go on a long holiday away from them and turn your phone off .

ClairDeLaLune · 22/02/2025 00:19

both DC and I having medical issues as a result of ExH. My parents don't know about the medical stuff though as they'd sneer and say I'm making it up to get sympathy

That’s awful OP. Your parents sound absolutely awful, and I’m so sorry you and DC had to go through that in your marriage.

Please don’t give away any of your inheritance. Your GM wanted YOU to have it, not anyone else. Giving some away would be failing to abide by her wishes.

Thefsm · 22/02/2025 00:16

You say “sorry, I know it probably doesn’t seem fair to you but I maintained a close relationship over my whole lifetime with her and she wanted me to use this money to clear my debts which I have already done. So there’s nothing I can do about it now. Please don’t bring it up again you make me uncomfortable”

Laurmolonlabe · 22/02/2025 00:03

No you are not being unreasonable.
Why did your parents pay to have a copy of the will?
You don't just find a will online you have to pay for a copy- I know because I have done it.
In this case it's an extraordinary thing to have done, what motivated it?
Saying you are looking at another one doesn't explain anything.
My response to your parents would be " those were my Godparents wishes I intend to honour them, life is unfair, it's not my responsibility to level the playing field for my sibling"- it is not your fault your parents chose poorly for your siblings Godparents.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 22/02/2025 00:01

No. If they're annoyed you got something and not your sibling, then they can choose to use their money to redress that. If they haven't the means, then they shouldn't pressure you into making up for that.

ruthgordon123 · 21/02/2025 23:26

MoneyFromMyGodmother · 20/02/2025 14:42

A few years ago, my godmother died and left me some money. Not a huge amount, less than she left her own children but a bit there was also a smaller amount left to my DC (I only have 1) whom GM met multiple times – one of GMs DC is Godparent to my DC. For context until her death I saw GM 2-3 times (both here and where GM lived about 200 miles from me) a year, we video called monthly, and when DC was born GM came to visit us and stayed in a hotel nearby, cooking for us and made DC a toy that they still treasure now.

I have a sibling, who has different godparents to me. To my knowledge sibling has had no contact with their godparents ever. I know at least one of their godparents has also died but they were left nothing.

To me this isn’t my problem, I didn’t expect inheritance from my GM, it was a nice surprise when their DC contacted me and said “Mum left some money for you and (DCs name), can I have the bank details to pay it into?”

My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair and I should split my money between me and sibling and share DCs money with DNs. It would give me half and DC a quarter of what was left to them.

I want to keep it all, but if I do share it, it’ll be mine I share and not DCs (I’ve moved theirs into a 30 day notice access ISA in their name anyway so can’t easily get at it) so I’ll be left with less than 5th of what was left to me.

Like I said it’s not a huge amount, enough for a once in a lifetime holiday, or to clear my debts but not enough to be life changing. Dc received less than me and I will be topping it up before they turn 18 to make it a bit more (once debts are cleared) but it’s still not a huge amount.

If it makes a difference I'm a lone parent (ExH not allowed contact), sibling is married to the other parent of their DC.

AIBU to not share mine and DCs money?

All the rich godparents run out after the first go. You're pretty much left with him that works down the club. Never mind x

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/02/2025 23:10

"My mum, especially, but both parents think it’s unfair"

Your mum, especially, but both parents are just plain wrong. Your mum, especially, but both parents don't have any say in the matter. Your mum, especially, but both parents need to butt out of this. Your mum, especially, but both parents want to control money that isn't theirs, and I think they should fuck off.

The money is yours, left to you by YOUR Godmother. A token of her affection for HER Godchild. It was not given to your parents, it was her gift to YOU. Your parents' behaviour is just insane!

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 21/02/2025 23:07

If you have debts that need to be paid off, just say the .money has gone on that. You have none left and you don't want to take a loan out to put yourself back in debt to give money to your sibling and their children.

NebulousWhistler · 21/02/2025 23:07

If it were me I'd be clearing the debt and then saving for the holiday.
All of that weight gone from your shoulders be worth more than a holiday in the short term. Your family sound like assholes.

Mumlaplomb · 21/02/2025 23:00

No, don’t share it, you can’t share money left for kids under 18 legally anyway you must hold as trustee. Don’t tell them in future if you ever get money again. Super cheeky of them to ask.

BraverThanTheyThink · 21/02/2025 22:51

Sorry, financial

BraverThanTheyThink · 21/02/2025 22:51

Not read all the posts, Op, but if I wanted you to benefit from my will, and you shared my gift to you, then to me, that's going against my wishes.
I am aware that one you have given a gift to some, then it's theirs to do what they will with.
As you say you don't wish to share, then that's what should be respected.

Do you think that your parent would penalise you if they left you an amount in their will to you?
Scenario- they give an amount to your sibling, but give you an amount that's had deducted, the amount THEY think you should have given to your sister?

Bloody hell, you would hope fan would be happy for you, especially as being a lone parent, a once in a lifetime holiday, would maybe otherwise unattainable.

Also, they are denying you the opportunity to pay off your debts, which would be enormously freeing to you.

Up to you what you do, but if you give any amount away, it should be if you want to.

Shame, this lovely godmothers gift to you, potentially could cause more trouble than not.

Maybe in future, don't share any finainfo with them?

MimiGC · 21/02/2025 22:37

Just them you have already used your share to pay off your debts and that you have a legal and moral duty to safeguard your children's share until they are 18. End of.

ItsTooEarlyForThis · 21/02/2025 22:32

Just curious to know how the initial conversation went when DM found out about the money?
Absolutely don’t share, but obviously your reasoning will depend on what you said in response - if you didn’t say “I’ve already spent it” then it’s probably not believable to say it now.
You shouldn’t have to lie anyway, the idea that you should share your own inheritance is batshit, to suggest you share your DCs too is criminal!

Reframetheguilt · 21/02/2025 20:54

This really reminds me of my situation with my family and siblings as someone said here it’s their sense of entitlement that is eyebrow raising and as everyone here says it’s bonkers to put you in this position as a single parent.

I learned recently to reframe the guilt as sometimes we have been conditioned by family to feel guilty for setting our boundaries.

Tell them that you’re not trying to hurt them but needed to prioritise your financial situation first. If they push, say you can see you aren’t going to agree on the choice but you did what you needed to do.

You need to recondition them to your new bounderies and patterns. Show up differently, is what I learned/read. I had taught my family it was ok to treat me that way.

I have paid for my family since I was 16, gave my student loans, credit cards and overdrafts to them, took out a 10k loans for them when I was in my early 20s. I now pay my parents’ mortgage for them too but I own the house (they recently told me that when my parents die the equity should be split between siblings. On the advice of MNetters (thank you) I clearly said no to them (felt odd and guilty), it resulted in screaming, shouting and bullying but I set some boundaries and continue to do so.

Olika · 21/02/2025 20:25

Don't share. Your mum is greedy because it's about her slightly favoured child missing out. I bet she wouldn't be asking if it was other way around.