To think it’s normal to live paycheck to paycheck?

I think it is normal for some of those on low incomes to be living paycheck to paycheck, it is also normal for some in the same group to have some savings. it depends on outgoings some have savings because they are more frugal than others, this is an individual choice, some will come to arrangements with friends family to not buy presents or instead met for coffee and cake, to others exchanging gifts is more important, but sometimes poorer people do feel guilty if they don't buy gifts or go on the expensive night out. Peer pressure does sometimes make adults feel awkward if they don't join in, sometimes the banter from not joining in say the work bacon butty run can be hard
Some people can say it was nice of you to ask me to join you for drinks but it's not in my budget this month others just couldn't say this even if true they would rather go into debt than admit it is actually unaffordable for them , I'm not blaming them for this totally as societal pressure can be very hard but the more people were prepapred to say it's not in my budget to do that but maybe we could do this instead the easier itwould be

Your problem is the separate finances. How is it fair that he can save but you can’t because you are working PT to facilitate care of his child?

Stop paying for weddings, birthdays etc. Tell him you have no money spare. Or have a discussion about splitting finances differently.

You’re asking the wrong question. You should be asking whether it’s ok that a mother is existing paycheck-to-paycheck whilst her children’s father, with whom she lives, has coin in the bank.

You can probably guess the answer.

I never understand this separate finances thing. Is your OH living paycheck to paycheck as well? Money should be pooled so you having enough every month to top up your pension or ISA. I presume you are part time to cover childcare etc.

Everything @EuclidianGeometryFan said. Separate finances within marriage are rarely a good idea, especially if one spouse is working part-time and taking primary responsibility the children. The financial impact is life-long - lower salary, lack of career progression, inadequate pensions, etc.

Secondly, don't spend money on presents you cannot afford. Most people will understand.

Yes, it’s normal for most people in this country (assume UK?) to live pay cheque to pay cheque.
No, it’s not normal (I hope) for your husband to control most of the family’s money.

Why oh why oh why on earth have you settled for this financial arrangement?
😱
Why do you have separate money when you are married with children?
That is NOT normal.

Why aren't the savings in joint names? Why are you not putting all household income from him and you into a joint current account?

Does he have a pension too? Does he pay into your pension so that you have equal pension savings?

Or is he one of those financially abusive men who think that it was your choice to have children, they are basically your expensive 'hobby', so you should take the financial hit of being a parent and not him?

If he won't change his ways, then you need to get back to full-time work ASAP, and make sure the childcare is treated as a joint expense, i.e. he pays half, and takes annual leave to do half of unexpected child sick-days etc.

Are you actually living month to month or is it just DH tight on the purse strings? Because knowing you have someone there to help with money if need be is not actually living paycheck to paycheck.

That’s a drip feed.

ok, it’s normal for many people to live hand to mouth yes. It is not normal when married when one does that and the other doesn’t. However birthdays, weddings, xmas’s, are simply things you chose to spend all your money on over saving.

Can you afford to work part time only?

I think it's normal in these circumstances. It's also about spending habits. Christmas doesn't have to be expensive and I have turned weddings etc down due to cost. If it's a stretch, don't do it.

It's obvious, just don't spend money on weddings and birthdays. A better solution than complaining on Mumsnet.

. I have a DH who has savings but we have seperate money

Sigh, of course he does.

Anyway, there is no normal really. Some people can't afford bills & adequate living costs, some have pennies left at the end of the month, and some are able to save £££s every payday. Me and DH manage to save around £1k between us each month, we are both mindful spenders though. This wasn't always the case, had to forego weddings etc when younger as we couldn't afford a gift, travel, outfits etc. It depends what your priorities are a bit.

You need to combine your money, as it doesn't seem fair he earns more and saves more when you can't. We share ours and when it's over a certain amount, we transfer half each into our ISAs.

You can’t rationalize away financial abuse by trying to make your situation look normal.

your husband shouldn’t be able to save while you are struggling. That men’s something is very wrong with your financial setup.

I've lived for most of my working life paycheck to paycheck until about 5 years ago. Wasn't being extravagant. Worked FT and more, single parent paying everything on their own . So it's normal for alot of people

To not qualify for any form of child-related benefit OP would be on 80k for part-time hours. That’s very unusual.

She’s now mentioned a husband who is working, which changes the scenario entirely.

It's "normal" OP, although 99% of people on here live in a seven bedroom detached period "property", with a sauna, jacuzzi and room for a pony. And those people will say

"oh, that must be gastly"

"My DH knew a man who lived like that, awful business".

Reality is that the economy is designed to have people living month to month. If we all had loads of money then nobody would do minimum wage jobs. No shop workers, waiting staff, production workers, nobody to make the things those of us with loads of money would want to buy. How could you get that new car if there were no workers to make it.

Don't feel too bad OP, you're with 90% of us.

That sounds like it could be financial abuse? Why don’t you have access to the family money?

It changes the situation entirely though, what do you need the savings for if he will cover any big expenses? Is he paying fairly for the children and household costs, considering you’re (I’m assuming) doing part-time work to balance it with childcare? What does your money go on?

I wonder what world you are living in that you think this unusual. Your comment is obviously intended to be passive aggressively and if it's not intentional then you need to look at how you communicate with people, because that's not it.

Op also didn't say she was worried ov the money. But that if she put it away she ended up needing it the next month.

To answer your question op I think it's very normal. I'm not in that situation now but was for a while when building my career, studying and having health issues. I work with a lot of community orgs and groups, many people can't afford basics on their incomes. Many people in this country live like this, especially as the cost of living is so high. I don't think it's right that this is the case, but it's common yes.

Why aren't those savings joint savings? You are married with a child!

Alternatively, if you want to continue with separate finances, if your DH can afford to save, and you aren't a frivolous spender, then you should also be able to afford to save. Does he adequately cover all family (including the kids) expenses proportional to his income?

I would say this set up is unusual. I would also say it’s not unusual to live pay check to paycheck if you work part time with small DC and you’re a single parent, but it is unusual if you have a DH who is working.

Yes I think it's normal for most people. Maybe not those on MN as the demographic is more well off than the country more generally speaking.

The advice is to have a few months living costs in savings and most people could save more than they do if they really tried, but for anyone on a low income any savings are likely to be swallowed by unexpected events and COL increases unfortunately. Even where savings can be made, for many the control required to achieve h at means that day-to-day life is utterly miserable. When my DC were little, for example, I budgeted everything but to make ends meet I would have to refuse even a £1 coffee at the local cafe with friends.

Aren’t you?

It’d be unusual for a part-time worker with young children, worrying over £100, not to be. Have a look on entitled.to and make sure you’re claiming all you’re entitled to anyway.