50th birthday party and no friends! 😭

I think this is completely normal. TBH I’m in my 50s and no matter how much I loved you I’d rather chew off my own head than go to a party, and even if I did go I’d be counting down the minutes until I could go home. When I was younger I’d definitely have been one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave, but I just don’t feel that way any more. I’d rather go away for the weekend to a nice hotel, or go on a holiday, or see a band/go to the theatre and a lovely meal. Organising a party just feels like more work to me!

Sounds like with camping and small catch ups you've got a plan that works for you! I'm heading for 60 so there have been a few of those celebrated among my small friendship circle. Not one has been a big party. Mostly meals of six or eight.

This is the problem with ‘milestone’ birthdays, the expectation to have a big celebration and if you don’t you’re ‘sad’ or a ‘loser’.

Many people can’t fill a hall for a birthday celebration, or even get close to filling a hall.

Why don’t you book a weekend away instead?

Don't organise something that will flop and cause you more pain.

Organise something amazing, fund a holiday, fund a day out somewhere, do a bucket list trip. Don't spend your hard earned effort and cash on things for show, spend it on you.

OP, don't bother with a party, spend your birthday with the people who care about you. Lots of people do not have loads of really good friends that turn up for them when asked or needed. Amonst my FB friends, I have noticed the ones who have big parties normally have big families and everyone there is related somehow. When you have a big family, its easy to get swept up in the crowd and you never feel as if you are alone. I come from a big fmaily (no siblings but lots of cousins) but we have all drifted apart/moved country over the years so now my family is tiny. I find it very hard to make friends and tbh, I have given up as I find rejection very difficult. It's like being back at school again and it is too hard for me. You have people in your life who love you and put you first, have a low key birthday with them.

I wouldn't bother with a party, as I think it would put a bit too much stress and fretting on you.

In your shoes I think I'd plan to go somewhere nice with immediate family and get married at the same time. Double celebration! Would you consider something like that? All you need is a celebrant and two witnesses. Those most important to you will be there, and you get to have a whirl for your birthday too!

It could be arranged for around your birthday if you get your skates on.

(BTW I didn't have a party for my roundy birthdays either, went away and had a ball).

Do no overthink it, just invite who ever you want whether it is just your friend and partner or the whole bunch.

You sound like a decent kind person, not everyone has loads of friends and those who do are often not that friendly with them

OP don’t worry, I think this is normal!
My mum is 61 and has a few different friends she’ll go for coffee with, or chat to at Pilates, or have phone chats with every now and then. But none of them are linked/know each other, so a party with them wouldn’t be that fun as it would be loads of strangers making small talk.
For her 60th we had a lovely family meal and she went on a cruise with my dad, and for her 50th we just did a nice family meal. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you have a lovely time!

I had a 10-pin bowling/karaoke party for immediate family about 12 of us in the end, then we went to a restaurant for dinner. Fabulous, intimate and fun.

Ahhh op this makes me feel so sad. I’ve had the conversation recently as I have my 50th this year and would love a party but I don’t have the social life and friendship groups I once had. To be honest I think most of my friendships have been superficial for the most part. We had great times, enjoyed each others company cared for each other but they were..the best way I can describe it circumstantial friends. I travelled a lot, moved around jobs a lot and had great fun meeting and hanging out with new people, but they are all old friends now with the few I would have called best friends living at the other side of the world.

im NC with all bar 1 DB, not bothered if he came as we have very little in common any more. Love my cousins but they are the type of people to make a big deal about coming but would be no shows and think that’s fine. One cousin I’m exceptionally close to but they work shifts and don’t change shifts for events and a have a couple of mum friends who would be my main guests but even then one is a shocking flake so couldn’t count on her and her DH.

We could go away but I want a good old fashioned party, I want to get dressed up and dance all night like I use to.

I'd agree with this! You're so lucky to have a wonderful close family and I think sometimes around 50 they become the people you tend to end up being close to and hanging out with. Which is lovely. You're not a loser at all! I'd have a nice do with close family and have a really lovely time.

I feel like 50 is one of those major moments when people panic and compare themselves and think there should be some major party, and all that, but I don't think it's needed, or a reflection on who you are or anything else.

You're planning on getting married in a few years? You're 50. What are you waiting for? Get out there and start living your life.

I say that as someone slightly older who has recently lost a friend due to illness and have a few others with health scares.

Having close friends requires effort. These acquaintances will never become more if you don't start inviting them to things and doing things with them. Friendships don't just magically appear, fully formed.

Most people these days have fewer friends compared to previous generations. I think this is mainly due to having smaller families, moving around more and changing jobs more frequently. So we tend to have lots of temporary acquaintances rather than long-term deep friendships.

I think this will be me in 20 years OP.
I've never celebrated any big birthday because I've not had a single friend I could invite. I've always tried to be there for people, I try my hardest to form friendships at work but nothing ever 'sticks'
I don't ever want to get married because even the smallest of rooms would look so empty.

I don't see the issue with having a family party.

And why not also invite the two you think of as work friends, and the others you go to gigs and the pub with? They sound like the ones you have probably spent most time with.

I usually have a very small birthday celebration. I don't hardly have any friends and most have moved away. I don't have siblings either, and I'm not close enough to my cousins to celebrate birthdays with them.

I am open to making new friends but it is difficult with everyone glued to their phones. And many people in their 40s plus seem like they feel they've already got enough friends.

I'm sure your party will be lovely, whether it's a mix of family and friends or just family.

Very big parties are never that great as the host gets spread about too thinly and some people can get left out of conversation if they're not outgoing enough.

From what I've read on MN people don't seem to attend parties or even expensive weddings anymore. For my 60th I did meals out, a small garden party and an early doors at a local pub. Different friends came to different ones, I had a great time, I'd have hated a big party. Enjoy whatever you decide to do and remember it's quality not quantity when it comes to friends.