50th birthday party and no friends! 😭

Honestly I’d just change tack. Go for a weekend away somewhere for your birthday. Elope for your wedding and go somewhere wonderful. It can be special with just the two of you.

I don't think that this is an unusual situation at all and you're not a loser.

It always amazes me when people have weddings and say it's a small wedding but yet they invite like 150-200 people.

You can still mark your birthday without having a party.

You could book a trip, arrange a meal with your family.

I think the question is, are you content with your situation?

I think there is a few things from your post. Are you happy with your life, in terms of those around you? If not, it’s times to find new things to do in terms of groups, activities etc to change that

Secondly, why does it have to be a party? I’m celebrating my 40th next year and I have a big trip to plan for it. That’s far more me than a party. I don’t like being the centre of attention and have a smaller circle of those around me which I’m happy with

Lastly, if you want to get married. Do something intimate rather than put it off as you are worried you don’t have enough people for a big do

This makes me think of the kind of big parties for adults I see on TV shows and films - think of a huge house and garden, crowds of people all in their best dresses and dinner suits, waiters, huge buffet, band playing, etc.
I imagine that the hosts are not actually "friends" with 90% of the people there. It will be acquaintances, extended family, business contacts, political contacts, socialites, people you want to be seen to have connections with.

Alternatively, think of teen drinking parties where you invite practically the whole year at school or college, so no shortage of people. But again, only a tiny number will be true "friends" of the host.

Basically, no body has large numbers of real friends to have a big party with.

Weddings are different, in that there are two people inviting other people they know from all areas of their lives (assuming they can afford a big reception), so the potential guest list doubles.
Also, guests expect to find a wide mix of people of all ages, most of whom don't know each other, so there doesn't need to be a lot of real friends of your age.

I had no friends to invite for my wedding, whereas DH had loads. We put on the wedding invitations something like "we hope all our guests will mix, so there will be no bride's side and groom's side in the church - please sit anywhere". Then at the reception people don't know each other, so it was not immediately obvious that the bride had no friends.

For my recent 50th, I did absolutely nothing which annoyed all my friends and my family as I think they had hoped I would throw one with free food and drink! Sorry no thank you! Don't feel obliged to celebrate in the 'normal' way, do what brings you joy on your 50th, however that looks. My 50th made me realise I really need to do stuff I like to do rather than compromising all the time to fit in with others. I am not saying friends are over-rated but sometimes yes they are, lol!

Happy future birthday! You sound lovely by the way.

No need for a party. It sounds as though it would just present a lot of anxiety. I see it’s already been suggested but I’d definitely just plan something amazing with your closest family. A little trip away or even just a special meal. Whatever would make you happy.

I’ve never really had a proper birthday party since becoming an adult. I have lovely friends but they mostly live quite far away so I wouldn’t want to out that pressure on people, so I just do something nice with my DH and DC.

Do you want a big Party? Not everyone does.

Personally I think going for a few smaller events is a better option. Eg out for lunch, out to see a show, out for a spa visit .

On a serious note.....why not book a short break with your OH?

How about a virtual party on MN? I will bring the trifle.😊

It doesn't have to be a party. Do an amazing trip somewhere. Lovely meal at restaurant you always wanted to. A full weekend of spa treatments.

I just organised a party for someone else. Even though it was a success with lots of people there, at least 10% of those who had RSVPd and accepted didn't turn up - it's just more of an accepted thing these days it seems. It's not really an indication of how much you mean to people. So I'd save yourself the aggro.

Just to offer a different perspective though, I think this has a lot to do with being a mum. I've noticed that a lot of mums who have friends with children of a similar age tend to keep those friendships going. Whereas when your friends have children who are much older/younger or don't have children at all, the opportunities to meet up become much more challenging - it's hard to meet up without children and hard to find an activity that all the children want to do. Combine that with the fact that many women are so busy juggling children, homes, family (including their partner's family oftentimes), it's easy to let friendships slide. Like all relationships, friendships have to be nourished to stay alive and if you're too busy and perhaps not the most social of people anyway, before you know it you can find yourself quite lonely.

What's true though is that it's better to have one or two good friends/family relationships which are like friends, than it is to have lots of acquaintances type 'friends'.

What's also true is that there are a lot of people who would like lore friends so if you're too busy finding yourself in this situation and have the confidence to suggest meeting up you'll be surprised how often it's met positively.

OP if you are able to and want to have you considered going to any clubs where you can meet others? I am in my 30’s but have made friends going to a club once a week in the evening.

Please don’t let not having a load of friends stop you from getting married or enjoying your birthday. A small intimate wedding is still beautiful and a day out with DP or a city break would be so much nicer than sitting in a room with many people you aren’t close too

I absolutely wouldn't do anything like a party in your situation as people just don't turn up and it would be a very expensive empty room!

I'd do lots of little things spread over the year with each group. So maybe a meal out with colleagues (set menu paid up front by each individual as it ensures they attend..), a spa day with my female relatives, show and meal with my partner etc

This.
I was 50 last year. Went out for a lovely meal on the day then had a week away in a beautiful sea front hotel I'd had my eye on for years. Money was spent on me not flakey rent-a-crowders and the memories still make me smile and feel warm inside. Currently planning my 51st. Friends are not a measure of anything.

For my 50th, DH took me on a weekend away. If I had tried to organise a party, no doubt half the invitees would have flaked last minute. That's what people do these days.I don't have family in this country either, so you are still doing better than me!

parties are a gift to others, if you don't have lots of people you want to gift expense and energy on, spend it on yourself and do something lovely for you and your favourite people!

I can't think of anything worse than having a big birthday party. My cousin recently turned 50 and had a massive party, which I went to and enjoyed but wouldnt have if it was mine. I made my STBDH promise he would never throw me a surprise party!. When I turn fifty in two years, myself and my STBDH are doing Route 66 together! I don't think I am a loser because I wouldnt be able to fill a room with people. I have one very close friend and about 10 friends who I get together when at different times and different reasons. We are all different. I guess have a think about whether you have isolated yourself, because that's different, and can be rectified, but otherwise if it is just that you prefer the company of a few people rather than many, then whatever! Takes all sorts.

Surely your 50th is a family occasion? I never had any friends to mine but did have family, same with OH, keep it simple i reckon..

Being rubbish was half the fun! And it was great for the three pre-teens.

Another one who can identify with you. In my 20’s I had lots of friends, but I had time to invest in those friendships. As i got older, commuting, working, young children, married life, all of those things took up so much time, I couldn’t possibly have time for friendships as well.
Friends who also got married and had kids were busy as well.
it is only now, coming out the other side at nearly sixty that I have a bit of time to invest in friendships again.
less energy though..

Id struggle to get together enough people for a party... would be fine if I added all dh family and friends..he has loads!

How about a nice dinner in a restaurant instead....with all the people you listed it would feel like quite a lot for a meal out