Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I report my cousin's benefit fraud?

613 replies

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 09:35

Hi everyone - I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma and looking to get everyone's opinions.

My M34 cousin doesn't work, he claims PIP. I'm not that familiar with how it works but he says he's on the highest level available, and there's even talk of him getting given a car. He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

If they investigated him they would easily find that some of his lies don't add up. I believe he genuinely does have depression and anxiety, but he has no physical issues. He said he put things like his partner needs to dress him in the morning (he split from his partner a couple of years ago), needs to wear velcro shoes as he can't tie laces etc. A home visit would show up some of his lies, and a call to the school (he's a weekend Dad but sometimes picks up/drops off his sons) or the Police (he's been arrested for drug offences a couple of times) would be further proof.

The main thing stopping me from reporting him is his depression. He has attempted suicide on at least one occasion, and I fear that a potential prison sentence for fraud could send him into a spiral. Even if no-one found out it was me, I really don't want that on my conscience.

If he didn't boast all the time I would just ignore it, it's not like it affects me directly, but it just winds me up every time he goes on about. Grrrr!! I do try to minimise contact with him but sometimes it's easier said than done. If he gets this car I think he'll become even more unbearable 😡

Help! What would you do?

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 23/02/2025 10:17

PandoraSox · 23/02/2025 10:05

That is a work of fiction and follows the script of every benefit bashing thread I have seen on MN.

Quite. Disability Bingo, anybody?

PandoraSox · 23/02/2025 10:17

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 10:11

Again! You clearly haven’t read the OP post have you.
He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

And you clearly haven't read my post of 10:05 😅

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 10:11

PandoraSox · 23/02/2025 10:07

PIP isn't thrown at anyone. You don't know what you are talking about.🙄

Again! You clearly haven’t read the OP post have you.
He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

PandoraSox · 23/02/2025 10:07

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:00

In this case it clearly has.

PIP isn't thrown at anyone. You don't know what you are talking about.🙄

PandoraSox · 23/02/2025 10:05

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:34

I take it you haven’t read the post then?
He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does

That is a work of fiction and follows the script of every benefit bashing thread I have seen on MN.

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 10:00

LadyKenya · 23/02/2025 09:39

I'm bored with your posts now. I have no desire to continue on this merry go round. Good Day.

ah. One of those are we. I’m quite bored of your pointless posts too.

LadyKenya · 23/02/2025 09:39

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:34

I take it you haven’t read the post then?
He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does

I'm bored with your posts now. I have no desire to continue on this merry go round. Good Day.

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:34

LadyKenya · 23/02/2025 09:11

Why odd? Unless the OP lives with her 'cousin', or is very heavily involved in his day,to day life, and care, then I highly doubt that she has the full picture either. That is clear from her post, that she does not, and is not.

I take it you haven’t read the post then?
He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does

LadyKenya · 23/02/2025 09:11

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:07

I think it’s clear from the OP post don’t u?? Odd thing to say.

Why odd? Unless the OP lives with her 'cousin', or is very heavily involved in his day,to day life, and care, then I highly doubt that she has the full picture either. That is clear from her post, that she does not, and is not.

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:07

LadyKenya · 23/02/2025 09:05

And how do you know this? Do you live with the Cousin?

I think it’s clear from the OP post don’t u?? Odd thing to say.

LadyKenya · 23/02/2025 09:05

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:00

In this case it clearly has.

And how do you know this? Do you live with the Cousin?

bakebeans · 23/02/2025 09:00

Coffeeishot · 20/02/2025 09:44

Pip isn't a benefit that is just thrown at people and your "cousin" has been awarded it for his medical conditions, by the time you typed out your lengthy post you could have emailed DWP to report your perceived benefit fraudbut you decided to talk about your "cousin" on the Internet because you are "worried" about their mental health. 🙄

In this case it clearly has.

LadyKenya · 22/02/2025 21:41

Amiable · 22/02/2025 21:32

I was rejected on appeal as my life threatening illness (Addisons) and nerve condition (HNPP) are not seen as being severe enough to make me eligible 🤷‍♀️

It does not matter what the condition is, it is about how it affects you. That is what they look at. They gave you the reason why they rejected your claim, at the tribunal, I take it?

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 21:38

Wildflowers99 · 22/02/2025 21:25

I think there are huge numbers of claimants who could be given all the help in the world and they would still claim to be unfit for work.

That does not mean they are not entitled to claim..

Amiable · 22/02/2025 21:32

x2boys · 21/02/2025 20:24

That makes no sense if you believe you are eligible for PIP than appeal
Somebody else eligibility makes no difference to your .,s

I was rejected on appeal as my life threatening illness (Addisons) and nerve condition (HNPP) are not seen as being severe enough to make me eligible 🤷‍♀️

Wildflowers99 · 22/02/2025 21:25

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 21:24

I am thankful that I was given enough help to not be in hospital/police cells a lot. That is not a good life to live, and it was chaotic and awful. However, my care in the NHS was about keeping me out of hospital, and not getting me into work. That is another thing altogether. The government go on about getting the sick/disabled back into work, but it seems to be by threat of sanctions, and forcing people into unsuitable work, rather than a tailored approach to each person to find their strengths etc. Yes, that would cost a lot anyway... and the ironic thing is that the people coming off benefits to go work in NMW jobs would still be on benefits anyway, and in some case more. I see people get topped up with UC more than I get at all.

I think there are huge numbers of claimants who could be given all the help in the world and they would still claim to be unfit for work.

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 21:24

Wildflowers99 · 22/02/2025 21:17

There’s nothing else that can be done for them. There are so many mentally unwell people now that a tailored, personalised approach would be completely unrealistic and unworkable.

You’ve likely had hundreds of thousands of pounds of treatment (if not more) plus benefits which support you while you are out of work, over many years. None of this has got you to the point where you feel able to work. I think it’s very unfair to criticise a system which has clearly given you a lot of help?

I am thankful that I was given enough help to not be in hospital/police cells a lot. That is not a good life to live, and it was chaotic and awful. However, my care in the NHS was about keeping me out of hospital, and not getting me into work. That is another thing altogether. The government go on about getting the sick/disabled back into work, but it seems to be by threat of sanctions, and forcing people into unsuitable work, rather than a tailored approach to each person to find their strengths etc. Yes, that would cost a lot anyway... and the ironic thing is that the people coming off benefits to go work in NMW jobs would still be on benefits anyway, and in some case more. I see people get topped up with UC more than I get at all.

Wildflowers99 · 22/02/2025 21:17

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 20:31

Well, plenty of people with MH issues are not being offered anything other than a short course of CBT nowadays, and even the waiting list for that is beyond ridiculous.

But none of this is the fault of people claiming benefits.

There’s nothing else that can be done for them. There are so many mentally unwell people now that a tailored, personalised approach would be completely unrealistic and unworkable.

You’ve likely had hundreds of thousands of pounds of treatment (if not more) plus benefits which support you while you are out of work, over many years. None of this has got you to the point where you feel able to work. I think it’s very unfair to criticise a system which has clearly given you a lot of help?

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 20:31

Wildflowers99 · 22/02/2025 20:16

That sounds incredibly difficult and I sympathise, but I think you’re an example of how mental health issues really aren’t as straightforward as ‘if they could just have X therapy they would be fine and able to work’.

Ultimately we can’t throw hundreds of millions, or even billions, of pounds at therapy which has a high chance of not working. It really isn’t the same as a fixable physical health issue.

Well, plenty of people with MH issues are not being offered anything other than a short course of CBT nowadays, and even the waiting list for that is beyond ridiculous.

But none of this is the fault of people claiming benefits.

Wildflowers99 · 22/02/2025 20:16

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 20:11

I have been in and out of the MH system since I was a late teen. Had lots of therapy, sections etc, tried tons of meds. I was under SIM, which caused a lot of trauma in itself.
I have worked, but struggle to cope every time, even in the most simple and menial of jobs. My job now is trying to stay alive and have a semi-normal life.
I have been referred back to CMHT several times by my GP and crisis team. I am told they can't offer anything else.

That sounds incredibly difficult and I sympathise, but I think you’re an example of how mental health issues really aren’t as straightforward as ‘if they could just have X therapy they would be fine and able to work’.

Ultimately we can’t throw hundreds of millions, or even billions, of pounds at therapy which has a high chance of not working. It really isn’t the same as a fixable physical health issue.

LBFseBrom · 22/02/2025 20:15

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 20:11

I have been in and out of the MH system since I was a late teen. Had lots of therapy, sections etc, tried tons of meds. I was under SIM, which caused a lot of trauma in itself.
I have worked, but struggle to cope every time, even in the most simple and menial of jobs. My job now is trying to stay alive and have a semi-normal life.
I have been referred back to CMHT several times by my GP and crisis team. I am told they can't offer anything else.

You have my sympathy, Xeno. The mental health services are the poor relation of the NHS and the doctors are very much controlled by the drug companies. If you don't take what is prescribed, even if you've tried many different meds for long periods and they don't suit, you are discharged. Not surprisingly, many doctors are leaving the NHS for that reason. It's scandalous.

LBFseBrom · 22/02/2025 20:13

PracticalLady · 22/02/2025 20:05

Report him, he is committing fraud and shouldn't get away with it.

You don't know that just because he showed some bravado.

XenoBitch · 22/02/2025 20:11

Wildflowers99 · 22/02/2025 20:01

Yes.

We plough £££ into mental health as it is, and none of it makes much of a difference. How much have you had in the way of therapy/meds/appointments? Has it significantly helped you to the extent you can now work?

I have been in and out of the MH system since I was a late teen. Had lots of therapy, sections etc, tried tons of meds. I was under SIM, which caused a lot of trauma in itself.
I have worked, but struggle to cope every time, even in the most simple and menial of jobs. My job now is trying to stay alive and have a semi-normal life.
I have been referred back to CMHT several times by my GP and crisis team. I am told they can't offer anything else.

PracticalLady · 22/02/2025 20:05

Report him, he is committing fraud and shouldn't get away with it.

Julen7 · 22/02/2025 20:03

Miley1967 · 22/02/2025 19:55

I agree and I do help a lot of people with PIP forms. and I do understand the criteria. Sadly I think we will see them become a lot harder to get awarded, the criteria will become stricter.

I agree. Things have swung too far in one direction with PIP awards for MH, and now, inevitably, it’s going to swing the other way.