Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I report my cousin's benefit fraud?

613 replies

GreatAmberSnake · 20/02/2025 09:35

Hi everyone - I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma and looking to get everyone's opinions.

My M34 cousin doesn't work, he claims PIP. I'm not that familiar with how it works but he says he's on the highest level available, and there's even talk of him getting given a car. He openly boasts at every opportunity about the extreme exaggerations and outright lies he put on his PIP application, and calls me and other members of the family idiots for working when we could just get our money from PIP like he does.

If they investigated him they would easily find that some of his lies don't add up. I believe he genuinely does have depression and anxiety, but he has no physical issues. He said he put things like his partner needs to dress him in the morning (he split from his partner a couple of years ago), needs to wear velcro shoes as he can't tie laces etc. A home visit would show up some of his lies, and a call to the school (he's a weekend Dad but sometimes picks up/drops off his sons) or the Police (he's been arrested for drug offences a couple of times) would be further proof.

The main thing stopping me from reporting him is his depression. He has attempted suicide on at least one occasion, and I fear that a potential prison sentence for fraud could send him into a spiral. Even if no-one found out it was me, I really don't want that on my conscience.

If he didn't boast all the time I would just ignore it, it's not like it affects me directly, but it just winds me up every time he goes on about. Grrrr!! I do try to minimise contact with him but sometimes it's easier said than done. If he gets this car I think he'll become even more unbearable 😡

Help! What would you do?

OP posts:
Ryeman · 20/02/2025 13:42

Wildflowers99 · 20/02/2025 13:37

Not being goady but if it’s notoriously difficult to claim, why are 50% of claims approved and we have 3.5 million people claiming it? We spend more on disability benefits than our entire military budget, so it must be a lot?

You make a good point, and I don’t know. Maybe people who aren’t fairly sure of qualifying are put off. I heard that very few are approved on first application, but if you choose to appeal most are then approved. Which sounds to me like the system is pretty broken. But you’re right - it’s a massive (over)spend.

Wildflowers99 · 20/02/2025 13:37

Ryeman · 20/02/2025 09:45

I'm surprised because PIP is notoriously difficult to claim, even for those with genuine disabilities. This would really rile me too op. Maybe if he got a job and had some purpose to his life then he'd be less depressed? Can you talk to him instead or reporting, and maybe pretend you've heard fraud investigations are on the rise and he should consider his dishonesty?

Not being goady but if it’s notoriously difficult to claim, why are 50% of claims approved and we have 3.5 million people claiming it? We spend more on disability benefits than our entire military budget, so it must be a lot?

CautiousLurker01 · 20/02/2025 13:33

CeeJay81 · 20/02/2025 09:45

This. Pip needs medical evidence from a doc/specialist etc. Has he lied to them too? Im not sure how, if he is saying he has physical issues. If they haven't uncovered him yet, they will when he gets reassessed surely. Pup is often reassess after a few years unless you have a very serious condition.

Not sure this true though. My (adult) DD gets PIP. The diagnosis letters were submitted as proof of the conditions, but PIP is awarded for the impact it has upon her life, which was purely evidenced by the form filling and then double checked via a telephone call.

We did have one home visit to have me vetted to be her representative (forget what they called it) where she was observed during her giving permission, but they didn’t need any evidence whatsoever of the claims I was making (eg that she cannot be trusted to cook food/live alone because she regularly leave the stove on which is a danger to other family members; that she can only use public transport on established routes, with a friend/family member waiting at the other end; that a parent has to be on standby to go and collect from college or any trip out with friends in case of meltdown- including my driving at 4am to London on NYs day) etc.

They took everything I said as ‘truth’ (it was and I was clear that I was applying so that she had her own money to scaffold her into Higher Ed, to cover taxis to college as needed, pay for private therapy or medications only prescribed privately until shared care can be agreed).

PandoraSox · 20/02/2025 13:32

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 13:28

The OP spouts the usual, about free cars, bragging, making up health issues. Textbook really.

Edited

Yep. It is like disability benefits bashing bingo.

Sadly, MNHQ don't give a toss. Hatred drives traffic to threads, so all good.

Badbadbunny · 20/02/2025 13:32

I'd report. If he's "innocent" then nothing bad will happen. If he is fraudulently claiming, then he deserves all the punishments he gets.

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 13:28

RampantIvy · 20/02/2025 13:07

I don't think like that. Why are you convinced this is made up?

The OP spouts the usual, about free cars, bragging, making up health issues. Textbook really.

Branleuse · 20/02/2025 13:14

the man has a history of suicide attempts and depression.
He would have had to provide a lot of medical proof and evidence in order to get PIP. Most people get turned down. He would have likely had interviews too

The chances are that he is downplaying the severity of his issues to family to make it seem like hes jack the lad and isnt actually seriously mentally unwell a lot of the time.

It is not easy to get PIP. Its a horrible process. You dont just apply for it and get it.

Dont get involved.

DoodleSquad · 20/02/2025 13:10

@mydogisthebest
As I've mentioned in my previous posts, a lot of people who report do not know the full story and a lot of the time the reported person isn't even on the benefits the reporter has claimed!
However, if benefits are in payment then yes, fraud reports are investigated albeit in a lower level than full on surveillance which everybody seems to want to or expects to happen!

RampantIvy · 20/02/2025 13:07

PandoraSox · 20/02/2025 12:59

Na. The people who take the trouble to make up post this sort of guff dislike disabled people receiving help generally and are resentful of them. The Motability scheme in particular gets their backs up. They'd prefer a return to invalid carriages or something like that.

I don't think like that. Why are you convinced this is made up?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 20/02/2025 13:04

LBFseBrom · 20/02/2025 11:23

I agree. Advise him not to talk about it so much, it's personal. He won't be given PIP for nothing.

Your cousin probably thought he was speaking to someone confidentially, who understood him. He's your cousin for goodness sakes, you do not grass up relatives unless they are violent criminals. Your cousin is no serial killer.

100% this - do better, op

Feelingstrange2 · 20/02/2025 13:04

Gosh my brother can't face claiming PIP as his mental health is so.poor. his physical health is also dreadful and there's no way he can work. He tried applying for volunteering roles and they found reasons to turn him down - which I fully understand. He is an absolute shoe in for PIP but is scared of the process. Due to his suicidal thoughts I only get so far in recommending he applies and I can see it may well push him over the edge.

I can't believe the system is so dreadful that people like this get it whereas those genuinely in need but cannot face the process lose out.

OhSoSharkie · 20/02/2025 13:03

It's entirely up to you whether you say something or not to DWP, however, it could have serious detrimental impacts on him.

You say you aren't close to him, and so I wonder if you know the full picture - a lot of people who know me certainly don't and I receive the highest rates of both elements of PIP.

Let's just take the doing the school run thing you mentioned, unless he's able to do this every single morning and afternoon then this will count as an example to PIP being awarded as you've said he does it only occasionally - part of PIP is based on the percentage of time you cannot do things, or flipped, that you can do things.

You have to have evidence for PIP - last time I went through mine I had evidence from multiple doctors and multiple organisations (Police, victim support, a UK outdoors organisation etc.) in my experience it is not given out that freely to people, especially the mobility part in relation to mental health conditions.

People often claim they know people lying on PIP forms but the reality is that they just don't know the situation someone is going through, usually because they aren't close to that person - let's face it if you are going to come out and accuse some of lying and being fraudulent it's a good sign you don't have a great relationship with that person to start off with. Nobody has to share details of any health conditions in full with anyone else, and there stigma around mental health makes those conditions even more hard to share with people, especially those you aren't close to.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 20/02/2025 13:02

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:54

Exactly. Depression, anxiety etc are just about impossible to diagnose and if you are a good enough liar you can almost certainly convince a GP that you are suffering from them.

And your qualifications for that assertion are???

You're very close to suggesting these conditions don't exist with a comment like that. I mean, if you have groundbreaking research that proves that several hundred years of medical research has been fabricated for shits and giggles, we're all dying to hear it. Plenty of psychiatrists and doctors would need to be struck off for creating delusional diagnoses, which would be a whole can of worms. And the pharmaceutical industry would collapse.

Let me guess - it's all about resilience, having a bath, going for a walk and eating a banana in your books.

Of all the asinine comments I've seen on here, yours is in the top ten.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2025 13:02

x2boys · 20/02/2025 12:20

The same Op who diesnt know how PIP works and makes no bones about disliking her cousin 🤔

Agreed. And like some others on the thread, thinks it's an out of work benefit.

Ponoka7 · 20/02/2025 13:02

It's difficult be because he has depression to the point he attempted suicide. You said he has other MH issues and anxiety. Some MH/PDs can send a person on a 'high', which means bragging etc. He knows he'd get a car on a cheap lease agreement (which is what the mobility scheme is), not a free one. So I'm wondering if he isn't saying what he does to feel better about his situation, as well as a bit of a wind up. He won't get the highest amount of PIP on say so. I know people who have very genuine, severe mobility issues, with medical evidence and who don't get it. That will be him exaggerating and might be his defence against his anxiety.

PandoraSox · 20/02/2025 12:59

ParsnipPuree · 20/02/2025 12:47

The whole point is most people want to make people like your dh's life more bearable and not give it to those who defraud the system.

Na. The people who take the trouble to make up post this sort of guff dislike disabled people receiving help generally and are resentful of them. The Motability scheme in particular gets their backs up. They'd prefer a return to invalid carriages or something like that.

Kidsfortea · 20/02/2025 12:59

Agix · 20/02/2025 09:57

Fed up of people saying PIP is difficult to claim. It's NOT.

It is only difficult to claim if you're not prepared to lie.You will be scrutinised and the assessors will try to catch you out when you're being honest, and often succeed in twisting your words and putting you off claiming because you're unwell and can't be dealing with this bullshit.

People who are prepared to lie and continue lying and fighting decisions that go against them will quite easily get PIP. Because they're happy to keep lying and scoring the points.

You do need medical evidence, but most medical evidence for mental health conditions is all about what you have reported to your doctor. Your doctor can only write down what you say your symptoms are. Your doctor doesn't live with you and has to believe you when you say you're so depressed you need help to get dressed. So that's what will go on your official reports and "medical evidence".

If you're prepared to lie, and make a part time job of claiming PIP by tracking which lies you have told your medical professionals and the PIP assessors, it is NOT hard to get PIP. You just need to learn the points system, and lie to your doctors and specialists and on the PIP form. These people also have people to lie for them, friends or family, pretending to have to provide care.

If you have genuine struggles, which you are genuinely trying to recover from and work towards getting better from, the PIP assessors will zero in on the bits where you seem capable and independent. You'll feel like shite spending so much time and energy on trying to claim this benefit and going through assesaments. You'll feel embarrassed and ashamed of how badly your health effects you, you'll struggle to talk about it. And you won't get PIP and will stop trying.

Not so with people who lie and make a job of it. They have all the time and energy in the world to keep going until they get the benefit.

The assessment process is easy for liars, who actually have the health to battle through the system, and very difficult for people genuinely unwell and trying to live life who don't have it in them to fight it.

Edited

My partner is waiting for an ankle replacement, meanwhile he has been diagnosed with cancer. Neither of us are prepared to lie. Citizens advice filled the forms in for us and agree as he is a builder he cannot work. He's been turned down twice, the last time telling him he could still work on a building site using his arms!

MyDeftDuck · 20/02/2025 12:58

I would have to report this - it is morally wrong on all counts. The fact that he laughs at relatives because they work for a living is very unfair IMO.

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 12:56

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:51

There is definitely 100% wrongdoing and NOTHING has been done about it.

Did you read my post? He claims he cannot leave the house to work as his anxiety is so bad and yet in fact leaves the house just about every day AND works cash in hand.

Maybe that is ok to you but it is not to me

If you knew anything about the criteria, then you would know, that he does not have to be a prisoner in his home, he can go outside. The fact he has a dog, and a partner he goes out with, could be part of the reason he is able to do so. Get on with your own life, and leave your neighbour alone. I am glad that nothing has been done, because there is likely NOTHING to be done!

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:56

DoodleSquad · 20/02/2025 12:35

@Purplebunnie

I work in the counter compliance and fraud department at DWP. You may have a moral obligation to report but you will not lose your job if you don't. This is a ridiculous thing to claim will happen.

So when do you investigate if someone reports? As I said, I have reported my neighbour numerous times and nothing is done about it.

Pretty easy to see he is lying when he says he cannot leave the house to work due to anxiety but in fact leaves his house almost every day and works cash in hand

scanni · 20/02/2025 12:55

Exactly. Depression, anxiety etc are just about impossible to diagnose and if you are a good enough liar you can almost certainly convince a GP that you are suffering from them.

While it's easy to have these diagnosed by a GP all they really do is throw SSRI's at it. In order to evidence you cannot perform the basic functions in the criteria for PIP you usually need much more than a simple visit to the GP.

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:54

0ohLarLar · 20/02/2025 12:37

Oh and lot of the "medical evidence" for mental health claims in particular is based on self reported symptoms. If you tell your gp you have all the symptoms of depression or anxiety, they are probably going to affirm that. So its perfectly possible to exaggerate.

Exactly. Depression, anxiety etc are just about impossible to diagnose and if you are a good enough liar you can almost certainly convince a GP that you are suffering from them.

RaininSummer · 20/02/2025 12:52

If this is true then he is probably also claiming universal credit so is kind of 'rolling in it' as this would give him a fair bit more a month depending on his housing costs and health status. You should report your concerns.

mydogisthebest · 20/02/2025 12:51

LadyKenya · 20/02/2025 12:35

So stop reporting then, and do something else with your time, something beneficial. If there was any wrongdoing going on, it would have been dealt with. So the fact that nothing has changed, should tell you all you need to know.

There is definitely 100% wrongdoing and NOTHING has been done about it.

Did you read my post? He claims he cannot leave the house to work as his anxiety is so bad and yet in fact leaves the house just about every day AND works cash in hand.

Maybe that is ok to you but it is not to me

Inmydreams88 · 20/02/2025 12:50

He clearly has mental health issues and depression, you say he’s tried to commit suicide.

If you think he’s claiming fraudulently then report him I guess. But likely you don’t know the full story,