Children- would you do it again?

Yes I'd absolutely do it again. I'd love to have a 5th but at almost 37 I worry about the quality of my eggs. I know my fertility is still good but I worry about the risks of a disabled child. And Dh is even older in mid-forties. Looking back, I wish we'd not had 3-4 year gaps between each one but just got on with popping them out!
The only part I truly hate about motherhood is the chronic worry, and I'm not even anxious by nature. But even minor issues like dyslexia, dyscalculia, crooked teeth, a tooth that looks like it may get a cavity, a stutter, febrile convulsions, a phase of siblings hitting, a child crying before school in the mornings etc etc over the last 13 years.. all these things do wear you down with all the worry and laying awake at night fretting. That's without even the stress of the expense, normal illness, trips to a&e, friends picking on them at school and resulting loss of confidence and most of all - worrying about their future and the state of the world which seems to be getting much worse all the time.

I have this fantasy that I can time travel my family back to approx 1990 and raise them there. It wasn't perfect, but it was so much better.

I definitely would have them again. I didn’t particularly want children and had my first mainly because my DH wanted kids. But I have honestly loved every second of having kids. Should have had more in retrospect.

That said, to date, we’ve had a pretty easy ride with our 2 so we’re very lucky.

I would always choose to be a mother but the reality of parenthood was the reason why we stopped at 1.

It was harder than I thought it would be and I knew I was struggling amd would have been a worse mother to 2 kids.

I have an amazing and easy child so I honestly couldn't risk rolling the dice.

I would definitely still have them. I think seperating has made that a firm yes though as I get regular breaks.
I might change my mind if they had additional needs or a difficult personality

I kind of agree here.

I split up with ex not long after child was born. He was rubbish. No help with anything, incompetent when he had to do anything and complaining about me not prioritising him first. It was stressful and a lonely time. DC on the other hand is a pure joy and surprisingly I feel I have the time and focus now to appreciate them more without a useless, selfish DH. We have lots of fun and I love that I have been entrusted with such a special little person ❤️

I de-aged once mine both got over 5 😂 I thought it was permanent aging but it was just tiredness.

This is exactly what I was going to say. My entire 18-30 years were spent travelling, either working abroad or having fun backpacking. I had an amazing time and was completely care-free, and had I not had been able to have a child (and now trying for a second) I would have continued this lifestyle, but I definitely felt ready for settling down, and I’d have my child again 100%, and in the same timeline that I’ve done.

I never understand the 'I wish I hadn't had them' thing because surely the first child is your reality check re the demands of parenting. Having more when you already know what it's like and what your partner is like is an entirely informed decision.

My friend had a second with her twat boyfriend, she has no regrets and adores her kids, but she gave a decade of her life to 100% parenting and had absolutely nothing for herself.

You can’t ‘fix’ your childhood. You can work hard in therapy, make a free choice to have a child, and to parent that child better than you were parented, acknowledging that you will make different, but hopefully better errors..

Absolutely, they're the best part of my life.

I'd like to see the difference in answer depending on the ages of your children

I found the teenage and young adult years the hardest by a long, long way

I know plenty of mothers who have had kids to try and "fix" their childhood and create the family they wish they had.

They are miserable and so are their kids. They went into it for entirely the wrong reason, and found out too late that their kids will wish they parented differently in the same way they felt about their own parents (the kids can't express it now through anything other than frustrations and meltdowns but will be able to articulate it when they're older).

I am the stage where I do all these things and do you know what, I sometimes miss the days when they were glued to me!
It would be so ideal if one could have a week of little kids and then a week of young adults. The two are so apart.

In a heartbeat.

I wouldn’t be without my dd. She enhances and improves my life immeasurably. I also have lots of fun without her too

I miss spending evenings cuddled up just me and my husband as now there's always someone else there sitting between us on the sofa.
I miss holding hands with him when we went out and not having to always hold hands with a child instead.
I miss when they were younger and I'd put them to bed at 7pm and our evening was just us, now the older one goes to bed when we do.
I miss being spontaneous and having energy for each other.
I miss being able to have a conversation without someone else listening/chipping in.
I miss being able to watch a film that isn't age appropriate and doesn't have to interest them.
I miss time alone with my thoughts.
I miss being able to go for long country walks without someone complaining their legs are aching.
I miss being able to lay in bed on a Sunday morning until I felt like getting up.
I miss being able to grab and eat something from the fridge and not bother to cook a meal.
I miss being able to pop out together in the evening without any planning.
I miss having the money to buy nice clothes for myself.
I miss when we were each other's priority and nobody else mattered more.
I miss my pre-pregnancy body. (Looking at you pelvic floor)

Would I do it again? Yes in a heartbeat.

I adore my son, but him being slightly on the spectrum and the absolute shitshow we had when he first started school, I could never do that again.
Postnatal depression too was absolutely awful and I could easily have lost my marriage if I hadn't gotten help, pnd is why I've stopped at the one child!

Yes definitely.
I had my 2 at 39 and 42 and they're now 7 and 4. They're the most amazing, best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm glad I was older as I got to do everything I wanted to do with my life while I was younger and free. I have 2 degrees, a career, travelled the world and now have the confidence to show my children the world. We make the most of all our free time.

I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Having children was never really on my to do list, I never felt that maternal, but I fell pregnant unexpectedly with our first in my 20's and it felt like it was meant to be. I've just had our 6th baby at 42, and I can't imagine having done it any other way now.

I wasn’t able to have children,but if I had my life again I’d be childfree by choice. I regret wasting so much time and money on IVF which was never likely to work. I’m 63 now, I was able to retire at 58 and I’m enjoying my freedom so much. No regrets about not being a mother at all. Life has never been better.

Okay - thanks for not bashing.
I don't make a blanket statement, definitely referred to my own feelings.
As I said, all good.
Next step is, hopefully, solitude by choice and no financial worries.
👍

I don't really think you are in a position to make the blanket claim that children ruin lives. They certainly may ruin SOME people's lives- may have ruined yours perhaps- and nobody should feel compelled to have them. But they are not pointless wastes of space for everyone.

My parents were immigrants and didnt have much when they first came here, but I always felt loved and cherished. I am very close to my mum.

My experience of parenthood is not unrelenting drudgery for no reward. My children give back almost daily. Just been discussing a professional achievement with DD who is really proud of me in a way that no friend would be.
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I never wanted children but had one in my late 30s because of FOMO.

It was the right decision for me and I don't regret it, but the toll it took on my relationship was nothing I could have imagined. If I'd have known truly what the emotional burden of parenting was like, I doubt that I would have done it.

But you’re letting your own childhood skew your thinking. /By all means don’t have a child, but your experience of patent hood certainly isn’t mind. My own childhood was poor and unhappy, and my parents weren’t good parents, though they did their best, but it’s perfectly possible to do things differently, and I have. Having a child for me was a deliberate choice, when I was financially and professionally secure, and was happy to take some time out. DS has been a lovely addition to my life, not a source of drudgery and sacrifice.