Children- would you do it again?

My daughter is the absolute best thing in my life so yes, I would.

But it is like living with a loaded gun to your head for the rest of your life. I would rather undergo any suffering, however unendurable, 1000 times over than have her suffer it. But of course we cannot protect our children from harm while at the same time giving them the freedom that makes life worth living.

In brief, loving someone so much makes you vulnerable. I'd still do it again, though.

I don't think I would. And all I wanted was to be a mother.

I watch my children struggle and the world they grow up in feels hard and unhappy. I worry constantly about them.

I feel very blamed for how they feel. There seems to be a 'well maybe they are ND, haven't you done this or can't you help them with that or why haven't you/didnt you' I shouldn't expect my eldest to work because maybe she can't handle that. But then maybe I can't handle working to support me and her but that seems irrelevant.

This is a very difficult phase indeed. The worst bit of parenting for me. It does get better 💐

No. I am utterly burnt out dealing with ND Dd. Years and years of trying to cope. I feel broken, but you have to keep it buried. I never expected this. I don't know if it will ever end. I turned to comfort eating to feel a bit better - I am now obese, used to be fit and skinny. No time to be me at all. Maybe if I didn't have to juggle working and her. Every morning begins with dread. (Usually after a broken nights sleep) The man I married, calm, loving - has utterly checked out.

My kids are young adults.

One is going through a phase of telling me all the ways I parented wrong which honestly is very wearing.

If I read this a few years back the answer would be Yes but the teenage years have come full force and it's awful.
I love my kids to bits but my DS has just turned 15 and he's quite challenging at the moment and started mixing with he wrong kids so me and DH have had to step in with ground rules and told him to avoid those types of 'friends'.
The only thing that I wasnt aware of before I became a mum was the amount of worry that comes..its everyday and most likely forever so all we can do is tighten our seat belts and enjoy the ride

I don't have many regrets, but not having more DC is one of them.

I've never once regretted the decision to have kids.

However, I travelled and established a career and bought a house all before kids, which likely has a lot to do with it.

My children are literally the light of my life, though they're all consuming and hard work.

Yes I would do it again and hope to do it all again in a couple of years (DC 2 years old)

But it is an incredible sacrifice and although you get parts of your life back I still haven’t felt like me in a long time. We had a bit of a rough journey to getting pregnant including losing twins then I got pregnant with DC and I’d say the last 3 years I’ve lost me.

But if I went back in time and was able to decide to have children again I’d absolutely still go for it. It’s hard work sometimes and I’m still getting help for post natal anxiety issues but it’s worth it.

NRTFT but overwhelmingly reassured by people’s sentiments. I found out a couple of weeks ago that I’m pregnant with our first (totally unplanned thanks to an ill-advised bit of fun while awaiting an appointment to replace my IUD).

Our biggest worries right now are ‘will we regret it’ and ‘what if neither of us care about the child when they’re born’?

A lot of that is rooted in knowing what we’re losing (sleep, money, freedom to leave the house instantly in a whim, less stress and anxiety, probably no mosh pits for at least a few years 😂) but no clue of what we’re going to gain. We both love kids but haven’t ever yearned for our own.

This has made me feel a bit better!

Statistically only a small proportion of people without children are by choice, the vast majority are childless not by choice. Which comes sadly with grief, social exclusion and fear of aging alone among other things. A lot of it applies to child free people too - they also have unique struggles. It’s very easy to make a hypothetical choice when you cant see the other side of it.

I’m childless not by choice through infertility. I can quite honestly say that it’s not as unimaginably awful as many people with kids seem to think. Of course I went through a grieving period and it was very hard, but I got through it and started to see the positives rather than the negatives. There really is a lot more to life than having children. I was able to retire at 58 and DH and I have travelled the world in the past few years and not stopping yet! There really is a lot more to life than having children.

Unsure how to vote, so...

I absolutely would. My new 16yr old daughter is an amazing human being and as I told her recently, I am happy I was chosen as her mom.

We have been through homelessness, terrible anxiety, negativity and a period of teenage angst; but I'd still choose life with her again 😊.

I'm also happy I didn't have another, as that would have negatively impacted what I can do for / with her.

Thank you, really needed to hear this!!

Yes, absolutely. They are my favourite people in the whole world (I have three teens now). But if I could, I would do it differently. I don't know how, because like everyone I played the cards I was dealt in the best way I could. But a closer family, more support, stronger networks - that would have made things easier when they were younger and more rewarding for all of us now they are older.
In terms of career, I look like I managed all of it but my career has stalled at a level below the one I was on track for, before the kids. I had them quite late (mid 30s to early 40s), so delaying more isn't a change I'd look for, but if I could do-over, I do wonder how I could make it better for all of us.

Well my statement isn’t bollocks. My kids are all grown up so I’m not battling with lack of sleep and many of my friends all say the same thing. It’s a huge sacrifice.

This does not mean that I don’t love my children nor am I not grateful for them, and I think they’re all wonderful people.

It’s complicated.

Not implying that everyone who says they wouldn’t do it again is like this but I feel that a lot of these statements are bollocks. People think of how nice it would be to drop the tiredness, the anxiety, the responsibility etc etc but they don’t always think of what comes with not having children. Statistically only a small proportion of people without children are by choice, the vast majority are childless not by choice. Which comes sadly with grief, social exclusion and fear of aging alone among other things. A lot of it applies to child free people too - they also have unique struggles. It’s very easy to make a hypothetical choice when you cant see the other side of it.

Parenting my (sleep fighting) toddler daughter is bloody hard, I almost constantly crave more me/down time, I’ve lost ambitions and hobbies but I wouldn’t change it for the world. When I was faced with a very real possibility of not having a child with recurrent miscarriage, it was infinitely harder on me.

I led a wild and interesting life in my twenties and had my DC early thirties.

I have never regretted it, not for a second. Even when DD was The Worst Thirteen Year Old Ever Created.

They are now young adults and they are the best of me. A life without them is unthinkable. I probably would have gone completely off the rails.

When they were very little and it was stressful I'd have said no.

Mine are now young adults and I would definitely do it all again. I love them so much and I'm so grateful to have them in my life.

I wish I'd had kids younger, though I didn't meet DH til later so it wouldn't have been possible.

Yes I would and I'd stick with one again. I don't feel like I've sacrificed anything and parenting dd has never felt like a burden. Aside from the odd blip it's been very fun and nothing compares to her cuddles and just hanging out with her. I have a good career, good social life, good marriage, good sleep and a quiet, tidy house.

I had my dd at 27, she's a teen now and aside from being a bit of a taxi service (and bank) I have lots of free time.

Haha and so many people talk about the "4th trimester" - no one thinks about in 15 years. I've known a few mums who've gone through hell but love their 20 something kids.

If you're finding it difficult it's evidence of caring ❤️

Yes 100% and unless I was able to entirely change myself too I’d still have them as young as I did. They made me sort my life out to do well by them.

they’re young adults now and doing so well in life. They’re great company and I have loved raising them. They didn’t age me because I was so young when I had them. I’m 40 this year and building my career and doing more things for me, but they’re by my side while I do it. So many people hate on having kids young, but for me it was the right thing to do.

I have no regrets at all but it wasn't easy. 2 marriages, one child from each so 8 year gap, one that never slept, hard times financially when they were young but they have always been my joy. Now 7 grandchildren and awaiting first great grandchild.

I think I'd have just had one.

That's so true!

I think if you regret having kids it’s shitty to make videos about it and put them online, what if the children see that one day?

I don’t regret having the DDs but had them quite young and haven’t really ever been a child free adult. Maybe if I’d had to give up travel and freedom etc I’d feel differently. That said DD2 is going through a really rough time at the moment and I’m trying to help her through it, it is so lonely and I wish I’d picked a different Dad for her so we could have dealt with it all together.