Page 5 | Children- would you do it again?

NightHouse · 20/02/2025 18:32

No I wouldn't. I know it's frowned upon to say that but nope, I would not have any.

marshmallowfinder · 20/02/2025 18:31

I would not have children if I could turn back time. Such a huge responsibility and I haven't been the sort of mother I envisaged. It's been incredibly hard. The planet is in such trouble too. It's a depressing future for them.

Mooandmae1 · 20/02/2025 18:31

Yes definitely. Both of mine were unplanned and i was on the fence about children. I was going to wait at least another 4 years when I was around 30 to make a decision. I was probably one of the least maternal people as well but I've honestly loved it.

1 thing we did have that lots don't was lots of family and friends that were really close to. Lots of help was always on hand and every celebration becomes a family event so we're all close.

Both are easy going and well behaved but weve always put a lot of effort with manners, being kind but not a push over etc. I've been told on numerous occasions that people think I'm quite strict but we're reaping what we sowed. We're nowhere near perfect parents but I've always been open and honest. They tell me a huge amount about their lives which I'm really proud of.

TaterTots68 · 20/02/2025 18:25

Absolutely I would. Being a mum is easily the best thing I ever did, it was something that always just felt right and still does now that they are adults. I am extremely fortunate to have had the children I have though, my answer might be different otherwise.

Arrggghhhhhh · 20/02/2025 18:21

No, but I never had any in the first place. No children no regrets.

ExercicenformedeZ · 20/02/2025 18:19

From the other side, I do not have children and I have never once regretted that decision. I find it scary the number of people who say that they regret having had children, even if they don't regret the kids themselves.

User7288339 · 20/02/2025 18:17

Yes but not as many kids. One, possibly two max.

VikingLady · 20/02/2025 18:16

I would, but I'd be prepared. I'd do things differently. I'd have things in place so I wasn't dependent on H and could leave/lick him out. I suspect he'd be a much better husband and father if he knew he could realistically lose it. But the kids have Sen and I'm trapped.

ColdWaterDipper · 20/02/2025 18:10

I wasn’t maternal in the slightest. However I have 2 children and love them more than life itself. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I wish I could have had 2 more but health issues (cancer) put a stop to that. Having children has taught me so much about humankind and about myself, my life would be infinitely poorer if I had never had the boys.

CatherinedeBourgh · 20/02/2025 18:08

Absolutely. I never planned on being a mum, had my career and my life projects. Children were supposed to not be possible, but they came along anyway (fairly late in the day).

They are by far my greatest achievement. I enjoy them so much, and the years since they've been born by far my happiest. They are now close to adults, and still the people I like and respect most in the whole world, along with their father, who has been the most incredible partner to me and father to them, in a way I would never have gotten to see if they weren't there.

I know my life would still have been very worthwhile if I'd never had them, but I'm very glad we did.

MillieMinx · 20/02/2025 18:07

I love them dearly but no I wouldn’t

Mackerelfillets · 20/02/2025 18:05

I adopted my children. Looking back I should have stopped at 1. Couldn't choose which one I wouldn't have had but the combination was really tough. I later had a surprise birth child which was plain sailing in comparison. I wouldn't choose to be childless.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 20/02/2025 18:00

AtWitsEnd21 · 20/02/2025 09:31

I was scrolling the other day and came across a viral video of a mother saying her dream was to be a mother but it hasn’t been what she thought it would be and wished she had dreamed bigger. Many of the comments were from mothers saying if they had the choice again, they would remain childless.

Personally, I have mixed feelings. Having children has meant extreme sacrifice- stress, sleep, money, interests, an always clean and tidy house, nights out and away, my appearance has suffered because I’m so sleep deprived I look about 10 years older. I love my children more than anything but it has been so hard.

Just interested in what other people’s feelings are

I would have my daughter, but I’d have never married her Dad. That was biggest mistake in life.

Original poster

AtWitsEnd21 · 20/02/2025 17:59

lovebeingyourmama · 20/02/2025 17:01

I have always wanted to be a mum so whilst it was scary at first when I found out I was pregnant I believe it was meant to be and I wouldn’t change any of it!! He is almost 3 and a half now and I love him more than anything in the whole world!!

I don’t really understand what people mean by missing out on life when they have children as since becoming a mother I have done so many things that I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t have had a child!! I suppose this does depend on what kinds of things you enjoy though 🤔

I hope to have another child when he 6 or 7 as that way I will be able to do all of the baby classes and things again and be able to give a lot of time to them that would be impossible to do with two little kids close in age!!

I seem to think differently to a lot of people on here though as I think the little kid stage is amazing and would definitely stay here forever if I could 😂 I think it will definitely be harder for me as he gets older and doesn’t want to do kid things as that’s the bit I am good at and I’m not sure what I will do with a teenager one day 🙈🙈

When I refer to missing out. I have a hobby- painting. I can no longer do this as it’s just impractical, I can expect a three and one year old to not touch anything should I take out materials. It’s usually about 9pm by the time I have the house cleaned after DC go to bed. I go to bed within the hour to try get some sleep before they inevitably wake multiple times during the night. So yes I do feel a bit like I’m missing out on part of myself. I give parenting my absolute all, my children have lots of art, baking, sensory play all of which I enjoy immensely. I just miss doing things that make me a person independent of being a mother.

OP posts:

Cetim · 20/02/2025 17:52

I wouldn't do motherhood again but I would be happy to have my 3 amazing children exist devoid of my motherhood. Which is impossible I guess and I don't even know if that makes sense. I am grateful my children exist as beings. They are amazing. But it would be great if they existed without me having to do all the work. Like I could be their aunty. And I feel guilty just saying that. Tbh the lack of sleep, body changes and chronic anxiety about their safety has almost done me in.

Heyitshal · 20/02/2025 17:49

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2025 10:08

You can’t be an empty nester if you never built a nest on the first place, though.

My kids are also off at uni, the eldest is unlikely to return home after he graduates. I don’t feel the empty nest thing though. I DO worry about them so much, about their futures, getting a good job and being able to support themselves, their health and well-being.

so for me the main issue with kids apart from all the things that have been mentioned, is the sheer worry over them, which won’t ever stop. That’s added stress that someone without children wouldn’t have. I didn’t anticipate that at all. It didn’t even cross my mind that I’d feel like that even when they are adults.

i would still do it again, because I like being a family, particularly now mine is shrinking at the top with older extended family dying off. I like havg interesting young adults in the family , and now their partners, too, adds to the family dynamic. but I having said all this, i would want to mentally prepare myself better for all the unanticipated stuff first.

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How would you have tried to mentally prepare yourself? I'm currently trying for a baby but also trying to prepare for when that time comes and my world changes. I know it'll be extremely hard and honestly I don't have lots of mental strength (yet), so is there anything you could suggest? ☺️

Tiredalwaystired · 20/02/2025 17:40

lovebeingyourmama · 20/02/2025 17:01

I have always wanted to be a mum so whilst it was scary at first when I found out I was pregnant I believe it was meant to be and I wouldn’t change any of it!! He is almost 3 and a half now and I love him more than anything in the whole world!!

I don’t really understand what people mean by missing out on life when they have children as since becoming a mother I have done so many things that I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t have had a child!! I suppose this does depend on what kinds of things you enjoy though 🤔

I hope to have another child when he 6 or 7 as that way I will be able to do all of the baby classes and things again and be able to give a lot of time to them that would be impossible to do with two little kids close in age!!

I seem to think differently to a lot of people on here though as I think the little kid stage is amazing and would definitely stay here forever if I could 😂 I think it will definitely be harder for me as he gets older and doesn’t want to do kid things as that’s the bit I am good at and I’m not sure what I will do with a teenager one day 🙈🙈

This is lovely. Although as someone with a couple of friends with kids with bigger age gaps - finding things that the whole family will enjoy when you have a seven and a fourteen year old can be a massive headache and it’s so much easier when they’re close together in age!

oops - edited typo

lovebeingyourmama · 20/02/2025 17:01

I have always wanted to be a mum so whilst it was scary at first when I found out I was pregnant I believe it was meant to be and I wouldn’t change any of it!! He is almost 3 and a half now and I love him more than anything in the whole world!!

I don’t really understand what people mean by missing out on life when they have children as since becoming a mother I have done so many things that I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t have had a child!! I suppose this does depend on what kinds of things you enjoy though 🤔

I hope to have another child when he 6 or 7 as that way I will be able to do all of the baby classes and things again and be able to give a lot of time to them that would be impossible to do with two little kids close in age!!

I seem to think differently to a lot of people on here though as I think the little kid stage is amazing and would definitely stay here forever if I could 😂 I think it will definitely be harder for me as he gets older and doesn’t want to do kid things as that’s the bit I am good at and I’m not sure what I will do with a teenager one day 🙈🙈

tulippa · 20/02/2025 15:44

ValerieDoonican · 20/02/2025 14:09

I 100% sympathise with this. It's how I feel too.

I know my kids both want children of there own, too, and I kind of wish I could beg them not to.

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I have tried to hint very strongly to my DCs that they are under no obligation or expectation to provide me with grandchildren!

mewkins · 20/02/2025 14:34

I didn't really want children when I was young. But I'm so glad I did. They're great and I feel really lucky to have them so yes I would.

notatinydancer · 20/02/2025 14:18

Absolutely not.

ValerieDoonican · 20/02/2025 14:14

ValerieDoonican · 20/02/2025 14:09

I 100% sympathise with this. It's how I feel too.

I know my kids both want children of there own, too, and I kind of wish I could beg them not to.

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(although if I'm honest I probably would do it again because it's been an amazing adventure. But I do worry that they will have much worse stress and worry than I did/do. I feel awful that I am due to predecease them and leave them in this shitshow of a world. Yeah, morbid I know)

ValerieDoonican · 20/02/2025 14:09

tulippa · 20/02/2025 09:36

I wouldn't. Nothing to do with the effect they've had on me, finances, career etc. My DCs are amazing and enrich my life so much.

However, I constantly worry about their future and the world I've condemned them to grow up in. It's not fair that I've forced that upon them and I didn't think carefully enough at the time.

I 100% sympathise with this. It's how I feel too.

I know my kids both want children of there own, too, and I kind of wish I could beg them not to.

LazyArsedMagician · 20/02/2025 14:03

There are many things I would do differently in my life, but having children is the one thing I wouldn't change. If

I would probably wait a bit longer (I was only 26 when my twins were born - practically a baby myself! ) but even thinking about that makes me a bit teary, as the children I have now wouldn't be the children I would have then, if that makes any sort of sense.

That looks ridiculous reading it back.

Forthethirdyearinarow87 · 20/02/2025 13:56

RiceBubbless · 20/02/2025 13:45

No. I am utterly burnt out dealing with ND Dd. Years and years of trying to cope. I feel broken, but you have to keep it buried. I never expected this. I don't know if it will ever end. I turned to comfort eating to feel a bit better - I am now obese, used to be fit and skinny. No time to be me at all. Maybe if I didn't have to juggle working and her. Every morning begins with dread. (Usually after a broken nights sleep) The man I married, calm, loving - has utterly checked out.

I’m so sorry 💐

I have every sympathy as I have one adult dd with ASD. It nearly broke me and I was only working pt and my dh was reasonably supportive. I got very depressed and put on weight. Things are much, much better now but it’s all left its mark and I still feel down and stuck. It’s like she has moved on in so many ways and I am in the same place!

I hope things improve for you. Can you get some therapeutic support for yourself RiceBubbless?

Or at least go on holiday alone for a few days?