Children- would you do it again?

I feel exactly the same.

I would if I would get the same kids again, otherwise probably not.

Interesting read when so many are in favour of going NC these days.

I had my first child at 28 and my second at 31 it was good timing for me. We were in a comfortable position our own home savings etc. Looking back it was a special time and I wouldn't be without them. My youngest is now 30 and expecting a baby in the summer. However old they are you can't stop worrying. They both have first class degrees from red brick universities and are both professionals. Even though I feel blessed if it was in today's climate I would seriously question whether I would have children the world is so unstable and worrying.

I have to say that I didn’t think my life would ever revolve around housework and cooking dinners. Like my mother raised me to have a career and I do but I also have to do all this other stuff that honestly nobody prepared me for. If someone took that all away - the actual children themselves are lovely.

With hindsight I’d have had another one to be honest. But I only say this now as all three are between 6 and 12 years old so we are in the golden ages. It’s life as I expected family life would be.

you are really in survival mode when they are small. I was absolutely on the last thread of my sanity at one point when my husband was often working abroad.

I might change my mind again when I have 3 teens.

Yes. I do sometimes mourn the life I imagine I could have had without them, but I've never felt love like it - in both directions - and it's worth it just for that. They are absolutely the joy of my life and being their mum has made me a much better person than I ever was before.

Having said that, on my darker days I'm terrified for their future and worry that we did the wrong thing bringing them into this fucking awful world. But I'm sure generations of parents before us have thought that too.

Edited to add: didn't mean to quote the post boce but can't remove it!

I love my children - I have to make this clear- I have 6 child aging from 21 to 8 but if I could do it over again I don't know if I would- I don't think I'm a very good mother despite how much I love them. I don't have a very good relationship with my parents - I don't have any relationship with my brother I just feel utterly useless
My children are my world I just think I'm shit to be honest- me and my youngest daughter argue all the the time - I love her but she and I just don't get on and I'm the adult it's always going to be down to me - but hearing your child say they hate you is painful- so yes if I could start over I probably would think twice x
I know - I'm a horrible human being

Yeah, DD just turned 4 yo today, got a near 4 mo DS and it is EXHAUSTING! I'm more tired than my DD at 7pm than she is! I've heard it does get easier, but I'm dreading having to go through the 'terrible two's' AGAIN with DS having just getting through the worst of it now with DD, especially since DS is starting to turn into a 'Velcro baby', but does sleep through the night at lest.....

As much as my DH and I wanted 2 children, I have often wondered whether I can cope with 2 children under 5 on my own, (DH works 12 hour shifts in care, as will I when I go back to work after maternity leave).

I love my children, I would never go as far as saying I 'regret' having them, or wonder whether having them is a mistake, but I have come to realise that I underestimated just how mentally exhausting as well physically it can be, I don't think I was prepared for the 'constantness' of it. There's no instruction manual and NOTHING prepares you, no matter how many books you read, how many workshops you attend, or classes you take part in.

Others without children have absolutely NO IDEA how hard it is and how much of a struggle it can be, it is meant to be worth it in the end though.

Just wish we had more help. (My family lives 50 plus miles away, my in laws are willing, but have their limitations, FIL is 70, overweight, using a stick and uncomfortable around new babies, SIL has the 'ick' about poo and will probably help out more when DC are both older, but that's not when I need the help, it's now with the fiddley things, particularly with having mild cerebral palsy).

Think it's a just case of trial and error, perseverance, patience and hope for the best, but I definitely do empathise with what you're saying OP, no judgements here.

I would. I was mid-30s and drifting through life switching jobs a lot and it felt like my friends and family had disappeared into their own lives. Having kids is frustrating and tough but they've given me much more sense of purpose in life.

My DH and I don't have family help but we're doing it together and okay financially and the kids at 4y and 2y are easy compared to many (healthy and very sweet, smart and capable) so I'm aware we've been dealt a pretty good hand.

Been tough but aren't the worthwhile things always? He's 3.5 and amazing, by far the best thing to have happened in my life. Hardly sleeps and still hasn't quite stopped breastfeeding which is why there hasn't been another so far, it's been so intense. As older parents were debating whether to do it all again...

I love my children with all my heart but I wish it was easier. I know, according to Mumsnet, I am not entitled to any support but we literally have nothing. We can go for weeks without hearing from anyone (we often message first!). When we recently had a bad run of sickness bugs and migraines where we were all affected we still didn't get so much as some sympathy and it was really really hard.
But I know I am very lucky to have two amazing kids and I wouldn't change that at all.

I wouldn't. The future looks quite scary (climate change, dangerous men in charge, unstable jobs etc). And I didn't realize I'd constantly worry about my children, even when they were grown up.

Yes I would. I would have started much earlier and had more. Had my first at 37 second at 38 and then due to a relationship breakdown didn’t have anymore. Oh how I wish I had given myself more time to have had more. I also think the years before kids were wasted I thought I was living but I didn’t truly start living until I had my kids. I think late 20’s would have been the best age for me.
but we are all different and we have made our choices so not much point in thinking what if.

What world has ever been better? During the fall of the Roman Empire? The Black death? Spanish Flu? The Great Depression? WW2?
I mean, if everyone thought like that it'd have been a very short story for humanity.

I had my DDs at 41 & 42 so had truly lived a life before becoming a parent. Becoming a mother has been an entirely different adventure but had I known that their Father was going to walk away from all his parenting responsibilities when we divorced I would not have had DC. Being a single parent has been fucking hard! They’re sixteen and fourteen now so more independent and I adore them …but there have been sacrifices.

They are the joy of my life. I could not be without them.

Omg absolutely. They are my world. I have a great career but I'd drop it in a moment for my kids.

Biggest achievement of my life is raising 4 superb children (now late twenties and thirties). We’re a close-knit family. Partners have added so much and we have three adorable grandchildren so far. We choose to spend a lot of time together and have so much fun - life’s a party. We’ve also done a lot of travelling both before and with the children and they’re the best companions. I can’t imagine my life without them.

Absolutely, it's the best thing that has happened to me and that I have done with my life, and almost certainly always will be. It's hard work, and I had them quite young and so have not travelled widely etc, but we have had such a lot of fun and they have brought me great joy (and continue to do so). They are now gradually flying the nest and I miss them. We had no family help as none nearby but I am lucky that we have never had any serious money worries, and also no SEN or serious health issues to contend with as I know this can obviously make things a lot more challenging.

Absolutely. Mine are 5 and 10 and they’ve been the best years of my life so far.
Only thing I’d change is to have them earlier so my Dad could have met them (or even better that he didn’t ever develop stupid early onset Alzheimers and lived longer than 69)

Not in a million years!

God no, biggest regret

Yes I would. But I'd wait until my early 30s for a planned pregnancy. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 24 and seriously wasn't happy at being a mother at that age. I didn't have post natal depression but I distanced myself from DD when she was a baby. For example, I'd never push the pushchair. DH did. I didn't see the point in talking to a baby at all! Just not maternal I'm afraid. Felt like I was living someone's life and the child had been dumped onto me.

I would definitively have my children5 only thing I would change is their father as he rurned to be out a right asshole after having the kids.