Children- would you do it again?

Same. I just wish I'd met my OH earlier so I could have had more. I hope I have grandchildren one day, and that I'm young enough to enjoy them.

If I’d known before I had children what the consequences would be - even 20 years or more down the line - I wouldn’t have decided to have kids. I had no idea the permanent toll it would take on my body.

But if I had my time over I would still have them because I also know about the sheer joy those young people are - remarkable, wonderful, funny, inventive, independent , difficult and amazing individuals.

The world needs more people like them in it, not fewer.

In isolation then yes, absolutely I would do it again. I love being a father and while it wasn't always easy it was absolutely worth the effort.

But I worry about the world I've brought my children in to. The world of today looks a lot different to the world of the late 90s when DS was born. I try not to think about what the world could be like in another 20-30 years.

My children are my favourite people in the world, I love them very much.
If I knew the challenges I’d go through as their parent though, I’m not 100% sure I’d do it again!
I might have lots of dogs instead.

Absolutely. My only regret is not having more. I was 39 with my first (not through want of trying much earlier) now I'm 43 and heartbroken I probably won't have more.

It's been incredibly hard but I wouldn't change it.

Yes I definitely would. They have been my greatest joy despite any difficulties along the way.

I should add that we thought long and hard and decided to only have 1 child. I suspect I could feel differently if I had more children as I'd have even less time for myself and would likely be more tired juggling needs of different children. I often think I don't know how parents of multiple young children cope!

Yes, I would definitely do it again (I have three teens). It's been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me.

However, I do think it's great that people have the choice now, whereas previously it was more of an expectation that you would.

I would, having DS has brought a happiness and contentment that I've never felt before and gives my life an additional meaning. It's really hard work and there are things I wish I could do/fit in, but I've never been happier.

100% yes.

What does “dream bigger” even mean?
Work more?

I would definitely have my kids again in an do-over. Even in my lowest parenting moments I would still want that.

No I wouldn't. I became a mother and lost who I was.

Yes, and I think I'd have them a couple of years earlier than I did. Dd1 was born just before I turned 30 and I turn 40 very soon. It would be nice to have the income we have now but with that little bit more freedom that you get with slightly older children. I'd like to be able to do things like join in a drink after work and get back at 6 rather than leaving at 4 and rushing home to pick them up from mums. Or go to the pool on the weekend at 6 for an hour because they would be alright inthe house. I know that will happen though so I may just be wishing my life away!

I'm not sure I would have answered the same when dd1 was a year old though! I struggled then

I would do it again, because DD is so lovely and I'm so happy she exists and is my daughter. BUT I do wish there was a way to also experience a parallel life where I didn't get married OR have a child, and I live alone, maybe in the middle of a cool city and just do whatever I want (I am aware that not having children doesn't necessarily correlate to "doing whatever you want" but in my fantasy I have plenty of money and am able to do just that).

No. I love my daughter. I have a great career and a lovely boyfriend but without an autistic teen there are loads of things I could do. It probably doesn't help that her dad is rubbish (undiagnosed ND / mental health issues are not helping him). Without being a mum I'd have taken one of the international jobs I'd been offered over the years. Having a kid (particularly a ND one) limits your flexibility.

On a personal/family level, yes I would absolutely do it it again. There have been incredibly tough times, but on balance the joy and sense of purpose and fulfillment have been totally worth it.

My main reservation about having children was that I found it incredibly difficult to not be sure that they would have a good future. On a personal level this has worked fine/well so far, but when I think about politics/climate/AI - the jury is very much out! But then again I will probably be unable to decide if I did the right thing for another 30-50 years....

If I could guarantee the same children again, i'd give myself 2 or 3 more years before having them, I was 29 when I had my first, so could have waited a few more years, had a bit more sleep, gone on a few more relaxing holidays etc etc, but yes I would definitely still have had them.

Every time. Sometimes I wish I'd been in a situation to have more - we have two and that's definitely right for us, but in different circumstances I'd have loved a little tribe...

Yes, my child has given me a sense of purpose and a sense of self outside of work. I am mother.

I had a decent time in my 20s so don't have too much fomo. The day to day struggle to keep on top of life and maintain my relationship isn't going to last forever I hope and isn't reason enough to wish the babies away. I'm not much of a hedonist.

no way

Yes.

I think a lot of women end up regretting children because their DH turns out to be a rubbish partner and father. It doesn't matter so much when you're child-free but children really put pressure on all of your relationship's weak points. This either leaves the woman trapped in resentment or as a co-parent. It's easy for people in these situations to look back and think about how great things were before children. That's what I've noticed amongst the women I know that regret becoming mothers.

Without question.

I don't get the vote. Which one is YABU and which one YANBU?

I have no regrets. The baby years were tough but having a child is the most meaningful thing I have done. People who say they regret it often talk about missing on travel and other things that I find a bit vacuous.

I wasn't keen on having children but I did.
Best thing ever for me.
They are adults now and it's been a great journey and we spend so much time together on social activities.

I think what made it easier for me was having a totally involved dh who put me and the boys in the centre of his world and made sure I got rest, time to do things I wanted etc.
Dh has never changed and me and the (adult) kids are still everything to him.