Children- would you do it again?

I have been able to travel and have many hobbies with DC. Lucky, I know. But also I dont believe that every weekend has to be family time. We always took it in turns to pursue hobbies and I am very glad I did that, now I am in empty nest territory
OP, you are in the trenches. It will get better.

I love my kids more than anything on earth but if I could live a second, parallel life it would be as a single, child free person. The stress and worry with children seems to be constant no matter what their age. New age range, new set of worries. I know a lot of it is because I am a natural worrier but it’s been exhausting at times. And don’t even get me started on relationships.

If I'd realised it would mean I wouldn't be able to help other children to the same extent I would have thought long and hard. But ultimately I would give up every other thing to have one more day with my children.

It's interesting how frequently the worry comes up as a reason not to have them again. I don't identify with that at all as I actually found that my - clinically diagnosed and controlled with medication- anxiety improved significantly after I had my children, but I know that's not typical.

Yes! As I get older I realise how important family is.

Friends that have regrets about children are the ones with a shit DP/DH.
The attitude of the father has changed their whole child-rearing experience for the worse. They might have a more positive attitude to being a parent if the father stepped up more.
Unfortunately these men didn't show their true colours until after the children were born...

(I don't have children - never met the right man - so I know I shouldn't be posting but was perusing the thread & this comment stood out)

I didn't have kids; a combination of factors really, but I have to say I don't regret it. I'm 60 this year and have a full, interesting life, DH works away a lot but I have so many interests and enjoy space & solitude that I don't think I'd have coped well with a child. I need time to myself to decompress and that's not compatible with children. I have lots of child free friends & acquaintances so not having children is not something that crops up at all.

In an instant. I genuinely enjoy being a mother. Yes there's sacrifices (alot of then) I miss some of the freedoms of being childless for sure. But i still get those now and again now she's getting older and appreciate them so much more.

It's such a relatively short period of your life that they're full on for, it's a time i'd give up again. In hindsight i'd maybe have had her a little earlier by a year or two. But don't regret anything.

I will caveat this by saying I only have one and DD has generally always been a good sleeper, although has had her moments. So i'm not as sleep deprived and worn out as those with more children.

I would do it again, mine are young adults and an absolute joy. I've loved every stage. And there have been challenges to overcome, but mostly it's been great.

My dh says it's his biggest regret. He wishes he'd never had his dd. ( we don't have any together)

I relate to the the poster that said this and I think I know what she means (although I expect I'm considerably older than her)! I had my child in the late 70's but by the mid 80's there were far more options for women, along with new types of jobs and travel opportunities. Things I'd never even thought of. I found myself working with women around 5 years younger than me in an exciting environment but I was constantly on the periphery because I had parental responsibilities. It was such an eye opener to hear how differently these younger women viewed the world.

Yes, but would do some things differently. Haven't lost myself.

Would do it again every time, luckily both of ours were sleepers and they are now KS2 age which is great, no sas, but able to do most things themselves.

If I could start again, I'd only have children with a partner who was very emotionally available, more extroverted and loved kids. And I'd possibly stop at one child.

I love my children so much and they bring so much joy and happiness to my life……BUT …… I often wonder how life would be without them.

Me and DH often having musings on how much different our life would be if we didn’t have children….the holidays, the money, the quiet, the tidy house, the freedom…..

We would never be without our children but if reincarnation is real, I would love to see what living life child-free is like!

Yes I would, 100%. I do worry a lot about it being a selfish decision because of the state of the world but being a parent has been the best thing that ever happened to me.

Child free by choice, and absolutely no regrets. I like children, (once they are around 3/4) but don’t miss having my own. Life would have been a lot more stressful, too many compromises to contemplate, and I know I would have been bored, tired and not nice to be around. Love our little neice’s and nephews though, happy to spend time with them, but there’s satisfaction in handing them back to parents as well. Vive La difference!

No. Not because I don't adore them with every cell in my body, I would kill and die for my dc but as a natural born worrier I didn't take in to account just how much I would stress over my kids and now at 17 and 19 I think that I worry about them more than I ever have.

You can’t be an empty nester if you never built a nest on the first place, though.

My kids are also off at uni, the eldest is unlikely to return home after he graduates. I don’t feel the empty nest thing though. I DO worry about them so much, about their futures, getting a good job and being able to support themselves, their health and well-being.

so for me the main issue with kids apart from all the things that have been mentioned, is the sheer worry over them, which won’t ever stop. That’s added stress that someone without children wouldn’t have. I didn’t anticipate that at all. It didn’t even cross my mind that I’d feel like that even when they are adults.

i would still do it again, because I like being a family, particularly now mine is shrinking at the top with older extended family dying off. I like havg interesting young adults in the family , and now their partners, too, adds to the family dynamic. but I having said all this, i would want to mentally prepare myself better for all the unanticipated stuff first.

No regrets but wouldn’t have them in the next life if that was a thing. I would travel the world without packing everyone’s bags, eat wonderful food without having someone steal it, take a bath without someone needing a poo etc etc.

Yes but know what I know now !!!

Yes, I think so but it's not an easy question as I identify with a lot of your feelings around the topic.

When things are good I enjoy their company so much and it's taught me so much about myself. I did not enjoy the baby years so in an ideal world they would be born toddlers, watching them learn to talk and see their personalities develop was a time id like to go back and watch again.

Overall my children have been easy in that I'm lucky they are healthy and don't have additional needs. Still, the sacrifices are real and I am guilty of putting myself last; which at times backfires.

So it's a yes! I'd do it all again

Yes! But I also chose to have kids nearer 40 and then after 40, so I had the best time in my 20’s and 30’s, which meant I felt ready for them.

Raising my DS will be my biggest and best accomplishment. I completely adore him and I wish I could slow time down as he's growing so quickly.

I do worry about the future and the world we have brought him into. All I can do is try amd set him up as well as I possibly can for life.

What does dream bigger even mean?

I'm never going to be NOT worried again. She's 0 and even in 40 years time, if I'm still alive I'll be worried about her.

That the stress, love and worry will never go has gotten to me but if I answer honestly, and annomously on the internet if I regret it? No. I was horribly jealous of women with babies and when I get to hug mine and she does her little 'wiggle wiggle' I feel I've won the lottery.

But I've got quite a few childless friends and family and I say clearly - don't have a child just because of FOMO because you're probably not. If you've a burning passion then you'll get through.