Children- would you do it again?

I don't regret having kids at all & if I had my time over would definitely have them again. I can't imagine what my life would've looked like without my two. we had an amazing life together & I guess I've experienced things I'd probably not have if I was childless. Also I'm now blessed with a Grandchild so that's another thing I would've missed out on if I'd not had kids.

I love my two children so much but regret who their fathers are, I wish I’d been in a better place before having them and experienced much happier birth/early days stories.
I do get scared about knife/gun/drug crime etc
as they grow up.
They have both expressed no desire to bring children into ‘this crap world’ (their words!) which I totally understand but do wonder if their circumstances were different growing up they would think differently

The what world am I bringing them into? Question is as old as time.
My DC1 was born when we were at was with Ireland.
As was DC2.
DC3 was born at the high of New Labour. Then we went to war in Iraq.
There is no good time and you will never have enough money.

Definitely would have DC1.

Lost an unplanned baby at 24 weeks, DC2.
Afterwards I was stupidly desperate to have another.

DC3 is an adult. They are a nasty, greedy, manipulative, bully, I fear they are likely to be in trouble with the law.
They have relationship problems.
DC3 was like this as a toddler.
They had every test and screening you can imagine, including second opinions, nothing to diagnose.

Neither DC knows about DC2 and we wanted all DCs very much.

DC1 and 3 have excellent opportunities, great educations, both are academic.
We are happily married.
We have always emphasised that we want them to be happy.

The only potential question mark is a close member of DH's family who was/is a notorious villain.

Between ourselves we have wondered whether DC3 really is nature, rather than nurture.

Same, did loads of backpacking, some mad things and didn't have my children (twins) until my early 40s. Some of it was hard but all in all loved every minute of it and

Agree with this.

my daughter is now 14 and she’s the best kid I could have ever asked for!…. BUT she’s rare and the stories she tells about kids taking knives to school, alcohol, vapes, drugs etc and naked photos being shared is terrifying!!!
Like I say she’s great and very emotionally mature, but she’s already said she doesn’t want to bring children into this world!

Yes, i would, in a heart beat. My dc's are all teenagers. When they were little my DD was an amazing sleeper but my ds's were awful and I probably had 3 hours solid sleep until they were around 4 years old. I am an older mum and wished I had my dc's when I was younger.

Yes I would but 5/10 years earlier!

No I wouldn't.

So much went wrong for me, my health plummeted significantly and only worsened.
SEN kids. So much stress worry and heartache.

Can I ask what relevance that has to what you quoted me on

I don't regret having my children, I regret not living a bit more before having them.

I agree that every generation faces challenges and maybe ours are no worse than previously. But that doesn't stop me worrying. Maybe I'm just the sort of person who shouldn't have had children?

I wish I'd have had the confidence to go for four, rather than just three. So if I could do it all again, that's what I'd change.

The very planet beneath every generation's feet has never been in such a perilous state though, with weather catastrophes and utterly diminished habitats and resources. Never have so many people been living on it either.

I need to be your friend @UsernameMcUsername as you speak a lot of sense & I could do with a sensible head reminding me of this!

Every generation has its challenges though. I was born into a low income family in Ireland in 1980 - the Irish economy was totally shot, every second person was immigrating, there was a civil war in the north of the island. Further afield the Cold War was still ongoing & nuclear conflict was still very much not impossible, while the bottom was falling out of many traditional sources of employment across the West. And every generation before that had its own massive issues. I genuinely don't think the future now is any scarier than it ever was I guess.

Mine are 10 & 13 and right now I have absolutely no regrets. I can't imagine life without my DSs. In some ways it hasn't turned out as I expected - I didn't expect to end up being a single parent thanks crappy ex DH, but I still wouldn't change anything. Ya, I could have had more holidays and a shinier career, but I wouldn't swop those for two loving interesting funny people and all the new emotions and experiences they've given me.

I like teenagers, my own (all grown up now)and other people's (I was a teacher). Teens get a lousy press because the media focus on the bad ones never on the good ones. I spent my working life surrounded by teens and enjoyed it. My home life was satisfying with my own 3 teens. With all the ups and downs, teens are very worthwhile.

Our life would have been infinitely easier if we’d stopped at one instead of having 2.

4 year age gap, DS SEN has huge detrimental impact on DD despite our best efforts. they can’t play / interact very well at all. Childcare went from being easy to being a nightmare due to DS needs.

But…. I just love DS so much that I can’t bring myself to wish we hadn’t had him, despite the extreme difficulty.

It’s really hard to say in all honesty.

I love my DC so much and really hate the thought of them never existing, and I was desperate to be a mum so I think I’d have felt unfulfilled if we never had them.

But it has been really hard, especially with DS SEN, and not really what we anticipated life would be like. Every single part of every day is a struggle.

on balance, I probably still would.

Yes, this is the point I was trying to make - that the life of a parent of one really isn't completely different from the life of a parent of two/three/more. The only thing it's completely different from is the life of someone who isn't a parent at all.

I also don't recognise the narrative that having one is always going to be much easier and more enjoyable than one. I don't find that at all, personally. There's obviously a lot of luck in that - I have two that are close in age and get on very well - but it's also just not what I see looking around me. I don't see a clear correlation between how many children someone has and how likely they are to be struggling.

@AtWitsEnd21 . I agree. I think often people assume two children means double the work or at least more work, whereas actually it's entirely child-dependent. The second child is not a clone of the first one (and neither are any subsequent ones!) , and you can't predict how a sibling group will interact.

Well considering I brought up my only child as a single mum (divorced) and he had a wonderful childhood and did brilliantly at school etc, but then went on in adulthood to treat me like dirt, I definitely wish I’d never bothered 😢. We’re no longer in contact and I feel I wasted 20 years of my life working hard and doing my very best to give him a good start in life.