To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

@polinkhausive By conflicting I mean that the OP has been given advice that conflicts with current practise- probably a GP lost in the past.

The eczema point- there is conflicting advice on this

There kind of isn't any more - if you look at what the eczema charities and associations say, what any dermatology clinic will say, even the NHS site doesn't recommend reducing bathing

I am not saying that there isn't anyone in the world who would benefit from reduced bathing, there are always anomalies, but if this advice has come from a GP, and not a specialist who has gone through the evidence based treatment options and those haven't worked, I really wouldn't trust it.

I am not trying to be a knob by saying this, OP, I just know how miserable eczema is and how little your average GP knows about it. We went through so many GPs before giving up and paying to see a dermatologist who told us this

A bath every night is really excessive. I don’t know why it’s so popular here, as part of the routine like brushing teeth, it’s unnecessary and a waste of time and water.

yes he is fine in another room without you. (Unless he is the one in the bath, then never leave the room obviously)

The 4 year should be in his room upstairs .. Or sitting on the landing with his books or toys (and a stairgate locked if needed.)

I can't see the issue.

Why can't he be upstairs as well?

I had the same age gap with mine, managed bedtimes single handed as DH was never home till after 7.

My older child would play in their room, right next to the bathroom.

Why does it take an hour to bath and put the younger one to bed?
An hour is a huge amount of time to leave a 4 year old unattended. Why can’t you keep going up and down?

I’m not someone who thinks a 4 year old needs to constantly be in the same room as you but just buggering off for an hour is extreme.

Are you a single parent and if not is your partner not home in time to help?

Oh I put YANBU because you're not unreasonable to leave him downstairs, but maybe I should have put YABU for worrying. Don't rely on your poll results OP!

Really? And I suppose you don’t enjoy an hour to unwind on your own at the end of the day?

You've got to laugh 😂

a 4 year old needing to unwind after a day by being sat in front of the TV for an hour.

Is this from a dermatologist though?

You've avoided the question from a previous poster on this.

Do you not have shower? If you did both your children could shower at the same time.

How old is the toddler? Presumably quite young if they're still in a cot and nappies.

I also think you need to put your foot down over the bad behaviour if you're trying to read to them together. Your 4 year old shouldn't be misbehaving and turning the pages etc- tell him off!

Really? And I suppose you don’t enjoy an hour to unwind on your own at the end of the day?

Realistically, by about 5pm young siblings who are fairly close in age are going to start getting on each others nerves. My eldest does not want to sit and listen to The Faraway Tree. He’d distract his sister, they’d piss around, and probably end up fighting. He’d rather watch TV and then have a cuddle of his own.

The eczema point- there is conflicting advice on this.
Some drs would suggest bathing every day and slathering afterwards with emollient cream.
Has your child been seen by a dermatologist rather than a GP?

What are you worried about with the 4 year old?
Can they access the kitchen or anywhere dangerous?
Is there anything they can harm themselves with downstairs?

My way would be to make them stay in their bedroom- next to the bathroom?- and allow them to play/read.

An hour is along time for them to be alone downstairs.
Not sure why bath and bed takes an hour to be honest. Surely you can do it in half that time?

Your older child could watch from the bathroom door, landing, and even join in the story time you give the younger child.

He has time together after the toddler is in bed though?

Didn’t what?
This is what I was referring to to the second poster asking if I’d read the OP: I’d already replied again with a suggestion minus the bath so there was no need for them to ask again.

Icecreamfactory · Today 07:36

I would either only keep him downstairs for the 15 mins or so you’re bathing toddler if you don’t want him upstairs with you then bring him up, or just do what you used to do (minus the bath) so he’s upstairs with you pottering in his room/reading/books/listening to his Tonies/chatting with you?

Our eldest (who is autistic) has been doing this since he was 3 or so. To be fair once you plug him into a screen he’s usually fairly contained. Otherwise he might sit and draw or make something. Sometimes we get the nights where he shouts upstairs a hundred times and it’s disruptive to DDs bedtime but when one of us is solo parenting it’s a needs must situation.

I feel sorry for him being left to watch TV on his own while you and the toddler have time together. He may want that but it's not the best for him. Why doesn't he join you for the rest of the routine?

Unless you live in a mansion full of hazards and your 4y.o. is in the west wing whilst you are bathing the baby in the east wing it's fine. Mine at that age would be up and down the stairs to see what was going on. Are you more concerned about the 4y.o. interrupting you trying to get the toddler to sleep? If the toddler is difficult for you to get down and you are managing them both on your own is that more the problem than the 4y.o. watching t.v in another part of the house?

I think lots of people do have guests to stay the night or for drinks and a meal, if it’s not a concern then bedtime can happen all over the house. We tended to go upstairs to bed and it was helpful because we do have guests occasionally but also because sometimes one of us needed to do a bit of work in the evening. Mine happily played in different parts of the house to me though so I wouldn’t worry about him being downstairs in that way. Do not go and check on him while there’s a full bath of water as someone suggested up thread though. Yikes!

Did you read my response when someone asked this already?

Are you a single parent OP?

Don’t worry about a child getting lonely when they watch TV, the TV IS the company!

So much hand wringing and sanctimony on this thread. I am particularly loving the PP whose teenage children regularly thank her for their screen-free childhoods. The ultimate Mum Goal!

PS this reminds me of the recent bonkers thread on which it emerged that a sizeable number of women sit in the back seat of the car next to their toddler children to keep them company!

How will it work if you have guests or someone else in the house?

OP it's normal to feel guilt for your eldest. Poor you! I understand but this is probably temporary, all routines are as they get older. He will be fine and then gets lovely one to one mum time after.

Just re baths- I'm an eczema sufferer and water is absolutely the enemy for my eczema. I still suffer on my hands and my husband had to bathe the kids, I have to always wear gloves when I wash up or I have a flare up. Obviously as an adult I gave to be clean so shower everyday but if you can I'd limit baths more than every other night. Just to give his skin a chance to heal.