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Original poster

To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

293 replies

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:04

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

OP posts:
midlifeattheoasis · 20/02/2025 08:55

susiedaisy1912 · 20/02/2025 07:13

Yes you put your foot down. You are the parent. Your 4 year old needs to be upstairs when you bath your Dd

Why? What is the OP doing wrong?

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:55

There’s a lot of conflicting advice about eczema and we’ve already tried a few things. I know a lot of MNetters will have experience but I’d like to try this; it isn’t harming him not to have a bath every night. Not bathing DD every night is possible but I’d prefer to do so as it’s a nice wind down for bed thing and also she is very snotty so warm water helps and she sometimes gets food in her hair.

I do think someone on this thread is being a bit of a troll and are best ignored Wink

OP posts:
Overthebow · 20/02/2025 08:55

StopStartStop · 20/02/2025 08:45

I can see potential problems.

I'm four. The bookshelves look like steps to me. I climb up. My tiny weight is enough to make the bookshelves overbalance. They fall. I fall. I am injured.

I'm four. There is a ball here. I throw it and kick it. Against the television, which falls over or off the wall and hits me. I die.

I'm four. Daddy has left a blister pack of 'sweeties' under the settee. I eat them. They're medication. I die.

I'm four. I wander into the kitchen. What's in that pan on the stove? I pull the handle - oh, the water is still very hot and I'm scalded, scarred for life.

I'm four. I need to be under supervision.

Unless there’s SEN I don’t think a 4 year old would do those things. My 4 year old dd is fine unsupervised for a bit, she’s old enough to go to play in her room by herself or be left downstairs. 4 year olds aren’t toddlers anymore, lots are at school. SEN different of course.

HotCrossBunplease · 20/02/2025 08:54

StopStartStop · 20/02/2025 08:45

I can see potential problems.

I'm four. The bookshelves look like steps to me. I climb up. My tiny weight is enough to make the bookshelves overbalance. They fall. I fall. I am injured.

I'm four. There is a ball here. I throw it and kick it. Against the television, which falls over or off the wall and hits me. I die.

I'm four. Daddy has left a blister pack of 'sweeties' under the settee. I eat them. They're medication. I die.

I'm four. I wander into the kitchen. What's in that pan on the stove? I pull the handle - oh, the water is still very hot and I'm scalded, scarred for life.

I'm four. I need to be under supervision.

I am fifty-four. I know a patronising twat when I see one.

Singleaftermarriage · 20/02/2025 08:52

I am seriously worried about this country the way we helicopter parent our children. Unless you live in a palace and you are bathing your child in a different wing, I'm sure they will be fine. It does kids good to amuse themselves. They need to. It's part of learning and growing up independent.
I used to ride my bike round the corner to my friend's house at 4.

Wonderi · 20/02/2025 08:51

As long as the doors are locked and he doesn’t have access to anything dangerous, then it’s fine.

He’ll probably be so immersed in his programs that he wouldn’t get up to no good anyway.

Screen time is absolutely fine.
So is not washing them every day.

I personally wouldn’t bathe my toddler every night as it can be bad for their skin but if it makes them sleep better then it is fine for now.

Hayley1256 · 20/02/2025 08:51

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 08:47

Kindly, you do not have eczema because your mum bathed you nightly.

Two of my family have bad eczema and have seen dermatologists. bathing does not make it worse if emollients are used afterwards.

Edited
Show quote history

I'll stick to what my own dermatologists said and recommended for when I had DD. Bathing a baby every night strips their skin of essential oils. Mix that in with the nasty johnsons stuff and that is what caused it. Also your meant to moisturise before and after bathing or showering with eczema as it helps protect the skin more.

Strawberryfruitcorner · 20/02/2025 08:50

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 08:44

So you're happy to ignore newest mainstream advice?

It's not that poster being a knob.

Show quote history

You are being so rude. Why are you so invested in picking on a woman who is making a choice for her child based on her own experience of her child’s condition and advice?

Let it go.

Moonnstars · 20/02/2025 08:50

StopStartStop · 20/02/2025 08:45

I can see potential problems.

I'm four. The bookshelves look like steps to me. I climb up. My tiny weight is enough to make the bookshelves overbalance. They fall. I fall. I am injured.

I'm four. There is a ball here. I throw it and kick it. Against the television, which falls over or off the wall and hits me. I die.

I'm four. Daddy has left a blister pack of 'sweeties' under the settee. I eat them. They're medication. I die.

I'm four. I wander into the kitchen. What's in that pan on the stove? I pull the handle - oh, the water is still very hot and I'm scalded, scarred for life.

I'm four. I need to be under supervision.

This is all a bit dramatic.

Surely climbing a bookcase could happen in the daytime when an adult nips to the loo 🙄

If the kids are going to bed then it's very unlikely mum has pots in the stove, especially hot, knowing she is going to be putting kids to bed and that this process takes an hour if not more.

Ridiculous

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:49

@StopStartStop so this isn’t meant provocatively but then do you never have your child unsupervised? I mean he is four not two … our days of that sort of behaviour are long gone. But I know children are different. As others have said he does sometimes go up to his room but this feels different. It’s more him feeling scared or lonely. Not that I think he’d trash the house or anything.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 20/02/2025 08:49

@KirstyandPhilme why do you think you know more about the OP's child's eczema than her doctor and the OP? She has said that daily bathing makes it worse.

The OP wasn't about how often she bathes her children, just what to do while she is bathing her other child.

Moonnstars · 20/02/2025 08:48

Ok if it's about leaving him alone, then I would say he is fine. If he knows to stay and watch TV and is usually trusted then I would think this is absolutely fine.

However I would probably go for a compromise. He watches the programme sister doesn't like (it's a kid show I assume, so 20-30 mins at the most?) then he comes up to get ready. That should give you 20-30 mins to bath the toddler and give son some independence downstairs but then know he is upstairs getting ready for bed while you are then settling the toddler before going into him.

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 08:47

Hayley1256 · 20/02/2025 08:45

I wouldn't bath your DD every night tbh (I have eczema and fully believe this is a result of my mum bathing me every night). I was worried about my DD getting it so she only has 3 baths a week (unless really muddy or something) and thankfully she has perfect skin. Leaving a 4 year old to entertain themselves for a but is fine.

Kindly, you do not have eczema because your mum bathed you nightly.

Two of my family have bad eczema and have seen dermatologists. bathing does not make it worse if emollients are used afterwards.

Hayley1256 · 20/02/2025 08:45

I wouldn't bath your DD every night tbh (I have eczema and fully believe this is a result of my mum bathing me every night). I was worried about my DD getting it so she only has 3 baths a week (unless really muddy or something) and thankfully she has perfect skin. Leaving a 4 year old to entertain themselves for a but is fine.

StopStartStop · 20/02/2025 08:45

I can see potential problems.

I'm four. The bookshelves look like steps to me. I climb up. My tiny weight is enough to make the bookshelves overbalance. They fall. I fall. I am injured.

I'm four. There is a ball here. I throw it and kick it. Against the television, which falls over or off the wall and hits me. I die.

I'm four. Daddy has left a blister pack of 'sweeties' under the settee. I eat them. They're medication. I die.

I'm four. I wander into the kitchen. What's in that pan on the stove? I pull the handle - oh, the water is still very hot and I'm scalded, scarred for life.

I'm four. I need to be under supervision.

Zonder · 20/02/2025 08:45

LovelyLeitrim · 20/02/2025 08:26

He has time together after the toddler is in bed though?

Show quote history

Does he? Mum has to work in the evening.

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 08:44

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:41

@polinkhausive I know you’re not trying to be a nob but intended or otherwise it’s coming over as lecturing - the thread isn’t about eczema.

So you're happy to ignore newest mainstream advice?

It's not that poster being a knob.

Caspianberg · 20/02/2025 08:44

A stair gate for a 4 year old? Is that a joke?Do you have a 4 year old? Mine is 4, he just opens stairs gates at friends houses who have for younger siblings. By 18 months he could climb ours.
A 4 year old is riding bikes, climbing trees, running, climbing everything in parks.

I think it’s fine. Mine also has at least an hour tv every day and he’s fine.
Although mine would be up and down stairs to ask questions or help

Maybe do bath. Then once youngest dressed pop back down to check on him. And give him option of tv or upstairs for tonie whilst you do bedtime.

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 08:42

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:40

@KirstyandPhilme he can be upstairs. No one has banished him. But when offered he said he wanted to be downstairs.

My question was about whether I should insist or not. I’d prefer to avoid conflicts in the hour or so running up to bedtime; obviously if someone wants something patently off limits or if they are being dangerous or whatever that’s different but I don’t tend to say no to reasonable requests at that time.

I think quite honestly that you as a parent don't offer a 4 year old a choice where you are uneasy about the outcome.

You make the decision.

He's being given far too much autonomy for his age.

Start parenting!
It's ridiculous that you have come to ask advice on a decision made by a 4 year old that is worrying you.

You've never said until now that this was HIS choice.

I dread to think how you will cope when he's 14 if you give way to his wants now.

And please read the updates about not bathing daily- your consultant may have told you differently, but if it's your GP they are wrong.

OverTheRaincloud · 20/02/2025 08:41

3luckystars · 20/02/2025 08:37

A bath every night is really excessive. I don’t know why it’s so popular here, as part of the routine like brushing teeth, it’s unnecessary and a waste of time and water.

yes he is fine in another room without you. (Unless he is the one in the bath, then never leave the room obviously)

Yes this

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:41

@polinkhausive I know you’re not trying to be a nob but intended or otherwise it’s coming over as lecturing - the thread isn’t about eczema.

OP posts:
OverTheRaincloud · 20/02/2025 08:40

Why not just bathe the toddler every other night too?

rainbowstardrops · 20/02/2025 08:40

I'm sure he's absolutely fine on his own but personally, I'd say he needs to be upstairs with you. Either helping bath his sister, playing with his toys, reading, or watching the iPad. Then when little one is out of the bath, he joins back in with the bedtime routine.
He gets to do what he fancies for 15 minutes or so during bath time and you have peace of mind that he's not feeling alone.
That's what I would do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:40

@KirstyandPhilme he can be upstairs. No one has banished him. But when offered he said he wanted to be downstairs.

My question was about whether I should insist or not. I’d prefer to avoid conflicts in the hour or so running up to bedtime; obviously if someone wants something patently off limits or if they are being dangerous or whatever that’s different but I don’t tend to say no to reasonable requests at that time.

OP posts:
Graniteisaverygoodsurface · 20/02/2025 08:39

DorothyStorm · 20/02/2025 07:10

I disagree with pp. an hour is a very ling time. Why is it an hour? The toddler doesn't need an hour long bath. You cannot igniore a small child for an hour.

It’s not ignoring them, though, because they can come up and find you if they need to?