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Original poster

To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

293 replies

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:04

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

OP posts:
MellowCritic · 20/02/2025 09:15

FfsNotNow · 20/02/2025 07:09

My 4 year old quite often takes herself off to play independently. It's fine. But why does bath take an hour?

Why does it take an hour? Probably because that's how long it takes from start to finish, it probably isn't even an hour , ops probably just giving a rough time, maybe op doesn't rush, who the hell cares as to why it takes an hour thou????

Headingforholidays · 20/02/2025 09:14

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 08:36

The 4 year should be in his room upstairs .. Or sitting on the landing with his books or toys (and a stairgate locked if needed.)

I can't see the issue.

Why can't he be upstairs as well?

I had the same age gap with mine, managed bedtimes single handed as DH was never home till after 7.

My older child would play in their room, right next to the bathroom.

Edited
Show quote history

Why on earth would a 4 year old need a stairgate???

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2025 09:13

@KirstyandPhilme maybe it was you who didn't read properly. The other poster told the OP that they were trying not to be a knob and the OP replied 'I know you're not trying to be a nob but you're coming across as lecturing' which is true.

The reason the OP hasn't shared more about her child's eczema is because the OP didn't ask for advice about that, she is happy with her bathing routine. She doesn't need to change this because you think differently.

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 09:13

I specifically recognised she wasn’t being a nob. However, I’m not getting into a full history here if that’s OK; it isn’t what the threads about and it also will invariably lead to ‘have you tried have you tried have you tried’ which may be meant supportively but is a conversation I’d rather have in RL with someone who has qualifications.

OP posts:
katepilar · 20/02/2025 09:13

If he is happy, hasnt got a form for doing mischief and you can hear him if given a shout, I think its fine.

Wish people on here wouldnt react "are you serious". Obviously if you didnt have doubts, you wouldnt ask.

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 09:08

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2025 08:49

@KirstyandPhilme why do you think you know more about the OP's child's eczema than her doctor and the OP? She has said that daily bathing makes it worse.

The OP wasn't about how often she bathes her children, just what to do while she is bathing her other child.

I and other posters have asked the OP if this advice was from her GP and she's not replied.

Another poster said quite firmly that advice on skin from GPs is often wrong.

She's also been rude by suggesting the OP who challenged her, and referred to medical advice on this, is a 'knob' and is 'lecturing' her.

And the not bathing together is the foundation of her dilemma.

Maybe you didn't read that part.

Before she was told not to bath him daily, they bathed together.

1AngelicFruitCake · 20/02/2025 09:07

I'd limit this to 20 minutes for a quick bath and into pyjamas. Your son then coming upstairs at this point to start getting ready whilst you start a story with your youngest.

Caspianberg · 20/02/2025 09:06

With a 4 and 2 year old at home, I’m sure op knows to secure bookshelves to walls and not leave medicine around

I don’t watch my 4 year old 24/7. If I’m home alone with him for example when dh is away, I obviously shower or take a bath also and he just happily watches tv, plays with toys. He usually wanders in to say something or I will call out if he’s quiet too long to check. But he’s fine. He and I’m sure most 4 year olds wouldn’t just randomly start lobbing balls at a tv or climbing the kitchen sides for no reason.

Ritzybitzy · 20/02/2025 09:05

Margorett · 20/02/2025 09:04

Lot of irresponsible people on here ! 1hr alone downstairs for a 4yr old is a long time, with access to electrical equipment, kettles, microwaves, etc, and lots of sharp object. They are so curious at that age and impulsive.

He isn’t confined to downstairs. He can come up whenever he wants. It’s completely fine.

nepobaby · 20/02/2025 09:05

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 09:01

I think you’re the one being dramatic @nepobaby . I’m asking a question, that’s all.

What have I said that's dramatic please?

Ritzybitzy · 20/02/2025 09:04

polinkhausive · 20/02/2025 07:33

Who has given you this advice on the eczema?

The limiting baths thing is quite old fashioned advice though many GPs are not up to date on eczema

Both me and my son see a consultant dermatologist and the advice from her is very strongly in favour of daily baths - but not too hot and lots of moisturiser straight afterwards to seal in the water

Opposite to the advice we were given.

Margorett · 20/02/2025 09:04

Lot of irresponsible people on here ! 1hr alone downstairs for a 4yr old is a long time, with access to electrical equipment, kettles, microwaves, etc, and lots of sharp object. They are so curious at that age and impulsive.

TeaRoseTallulah · 20/02/2025 09:03

Goodenoughisgoodenough · 20/02/2025 07:57

Why does it have to be screen time for an hour? Leave him to play. He's only 4. Neither of my kids had any unsupervised screen time till they were about 11 or 12. (They're now 14 and 19 and now screen users of course, but b they thank me for screen free early years(Don't get into the habit of it. Left without a screen they learn to play by themselves. Keep themselves amused, explore their imagination. You could put on an audio book?

I agree with this,he can play in his room.

littlestrawberryhat · 20/02/2025 09:02

If my four year old would happily entertain himself for an hour I’d be leaving him to his own devices all the time for some peace, baby routine or not!! It’s not harmful or neglectful! If anything great they feel safe and confident to play alone in their home.

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 09:01

I think you’re the one being dramatic @nepobaby . I’m asking a question, that’s all.

OP posts:
nepobaby · 20/02/2025 09:00

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:20

@Moonnstars he has his own books. When I read to both of them it’s a nightmare with them squabbling over who gets to lift flaps (dds preferred books) or turn pages or sit on my lap. So much easier to do one at a time. This will obviously change but right now it’s not really enjoyable for anyone if we all read together.

Then put them both in bed and sit away from them reading a book? Alternate nights with who takes turns to choose?

So much unnecessary drama over bed time! I agree with PP, social media has made mums unhinged. And I say mums, as I don't see dads up in arms about this kind of thing.

HotCrossBunplease · 20/02/2025 08:59

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:56

I did want to say we don’t habitually leave boiling water or medicine round the kids but I was worried that would sound sniffy!

Show quote history

I think that poster wishes she had had a career in 1970s public service broadcasting. Maybe she asked Chat GPT to write in that style?

nepobaby · 20/02/2025 08:59

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:10

Thanks. It just feels like a long time and it’s dark and we’re remote so I was feeling really guilty.

Dd having a bath, getting out of the bath, nappy and pyjamas, teeth, reading books, into sleeping bag and into cot takes around an hour.

You're really dragging this out. You've even mentioned 'getting out of the bath' which takes about 10 seconds.

4yo can chill downstairs for the bath time then come
Up and join for teeth, book and bed? Surely it'll take longer to do it for the younger one and then all over again minus the bath for 4yo?

This all seems so unnecessary.

Strawberryfruitcorner · 20/02/2025 08:59

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:55

There’s a lot of conflicting advice about eczema and we’ve already tried a few things. I know a lot of MNetters will have experience but I’d like to try this; it isn’t harming him not to have a bath every night. Not bathing DD every night is possible but I’d prefer to do so as it’s a nice wind down for bed thing and also she is very snotty so warm water helps and she sometimes gets food in her hair.

I do think someone on this thread is being a bit of a troll and are best ignored Wink

You sound like an absolutely lovely Mum 😃 just finding your way with the dynamics of everything like the rest of us.

Maybe just leave him downstairs and pop down between bath and bedtime and shout down every few mins.

Other than that you could just say he needs to chill in your room and wait and that’s that 🤣

Ihopeithinkiknow · 20/02/2025 08:57

Happyinarcon · 20/02/2025 07:24

I feel like the odd one out but I would only do this if I had a nanny cam with a speaker to keep an eye on him. My child was always getting up to some mischief whenever I turned my back

Haha when my son was little opened the back door and dragged his empty paddling pool into the front room and filled it right up to the brim with water lol I was upstairs tidying and came down to him relaxing in front of the telly in his paddling pool with water sloshing about and it going all over the carpet

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2025 08:57

@KirstyandPhilme @polinkhausive would you both feel happier if the OP shares her child's medical records so you can see whether a dermatologist has given advice?

Not sure why you're both being so forceful about giving medical advice about a child you have never met.

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 08:56

HotCrossBunplease · 20/02/2025 08:54

I am fifty-four. I know a patronising twat when I see one.

Show quote history

I did want to say we don’t habitually leave boiling water or medicine round the kids but I was worried that would sound sniffy!

OP posts:
89redballoons · 20/02/2025 08:56

StopStartStop · 20/02/2025 08:45

I can see potential problems.

I'm four. The bookshelves look like steps to me. I climb up. My tiny weight is enough to make the bookshelves overbalance. They fall. I fall. I am injured.

I'm four. There is a ball here. I throw it and kick it. Against the television, which falls over or off the wall and hits me. I die.

I'm four. Daddy has left a blister pack of 'sweeties' under the settee. I eat them. They're medication. I die.

I'm four. I wander into the kitchen. What's in that pan on the stove? I pull the handle - oh, the water is still very hot and I'm scalded, scarred for life.

I'm four. I need to be under supervision.

But any home with young children in it should be child proofed enough to avoid those things happening. Bookshelves and TVs screwed to the wall, no heavy balls inside, medicines locked away, and stoves child locked or with physical barriers and definitely never left on without an adult in the room (why would OP have left a pan boiling while she is upstairs putting the toddler to bed?!)

If OP's home is full of hazards like you describe, it won't matter if the four year old is downstairs, in the next room upstairs, or in the same room with OP's back turned as she sees to the baby, as all of your hypothetical accidents only take seconds.

I also agree that most 4 year olds are unlikely to climb bookshelves or randomly throw things at the TV.

Discombobble · 20/02/2025 08:56

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:48

Thanks, I do appreciate the responses.

On non bath nights he washes his hands and has a quick wipe with a flannel but that takes seconds. He enjoys watching the TV as it’s a programme DD doesn’t like, and you inevitably have to wait for whatever episode he’s on to end. I’d probably feel happier if he was upstairs just because I worry about him feeling a bit lonely and abandoned but I guess he doesn’t feel like that so I should follow his lead.

It also means they both get dedicated reading time which is the most important thing.

I’m sure if he really feels lonely he’ll make his way upstairs!

Wonderi · 20/02/2025 08:55

Zonder · 20/02/2025 08:24

I feel sorry for him being left to watch TV on his own while you and the toddler have time together. He may want that but it's not the best for him. Why doesn't he join you for the rest of the routine?

Most kids would rather watch TV than watch their mum bath their sibling which they’ve seen hundreds of times.

OP wants him upstairs with her but he’s happy staying downstairs.
If he ever changes his mind then he can just walk up the stairs.

There’s nothing wrong with him sitting and watching TV.