Half/step siblings

Rubbish. I know plenty of ‘half’ siblings who have normal sibling bonds and there’s no difference than if they were ‘full’. I look very similar to my ‘half’ sibling and we have lots in common, inherited the same sense of humour and similar interests.

I see the opposite on here a lot- parents trying to pretend for themselves that half-siblings are the same as step and of little importance/relevance to their child.

They share a parent in both cases so they are half brothers in both cases but if they consider themselves brothers that's what matters. If you adopted a child would you say they aren't siblings because they didn't start in the same womb or testicles and ovaries? Not a nice attitude.

I have four brothers. Officially, they are not even my step-brothers, they are my ex-step-brothers. But they are still my brothers and have been for over 40 years. Even the one who brings little but trouble to my life. I could no more discount him as a member of my family than I could if he were entirely my own flesh and blood. You make and define your own relationships, regardless of any official language.

It’s weird to state that it would never be the same as fact, rather than opinion.

The 10 year age gap you have between you and your own half sibling is quite naturally going to be quite a big factor in how close you are or are not. This is true of full siblings with large age gaps too.

I have a few friends whose siblings are technically half. They’re very close, absolutely don’t refer to each other as half siblings. One observation would be that they all share the same mother, the closeness seems lesser though still present, when the siblings only share a father. Perhaps this is related to age and how typical custody arrangements were at the time. I’d guess with 50:50 custody being much more common, the difference between mothers/father children is less these days than it would have been, because upbringings are still being shared.

Hmmmm, I have (possibly) a weird way of looking at this.

I have 2 sons, different fathers. As they both spent the first 9 months growing in my body they are brothers.

If they have siblings from their father's side, (they both do, never met any of them) they are, at best, half siblings.

Works for me, and them, they certainly consider themselves brothers.

You’re wrong though.

Half makes no difference for a lot of us. How can you say they will NEVER have as strong as a bond?

My sister and bother are my sister and brother. We all have different fathers and it makes us no less close.

Does the same go for adopted siblings?

Sorry I assumed in your post that you were implying that unless blood related it is impossible for kids to form as close of a bond as with a full sibling. With your situation a 10 year age gap of course it is not as close of a bond but that is likely more due to the age gap then blood connections.

'Key is it is up to the CHILD not the adults how they view a sibling.'
I agree! That is my whole point.

You were the one who so vehemently exclaimed;
'Excuse me???'
and
'Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step'

You literally did assume how children should view their siblings.

Of course age plays a big role. But do you think a child who gained a 4 year old step sibling when they were 2 would see the sibling as anything other then their sibling? Or a 3 year old who gained a half sibling. Of course if there is a 10 year age gap or step siblings happen well into their teens that is different. Key is it is up to the CHILD not the adults how they view a sibling

How is it a weird take to accept children who share the same parents and grew up in the same household with those parents for a period of time will inevitably have a stronger bond than a child that comes along after the breakdown of their family. It's weird to think children are not affected by this.

@Pickledeverything I get it. Honestly, I do. My ex (we split partly because he didn't want more DC and I did) has gone to to marry and have more DC. I've been too busy raising the ones we had together to be able to have done that.

I get that it hurts, I get the resentment. But none of that is the DCs fault. Their relationship with their siblings, be they step or half, is important. And I'd never try and make it seem less just because they only share one parent. Or none in the steps case.

Frankly, I think it is weird to police how a child views their own sibling relationships by assuming they should just accept step or half siblings as full. I have a half sibling who is 10 year younger than me and my full sibling. There is no comparison in terms of our bond.

'Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step'
Not all children are the same and not all circumstances are the same. Age gaps between siblings who lives with who plays an enormous factor in this.

'it's grown-ups with fragile egos that get hung up on it.'
I agree! That is why so many are adamant about promoting that THIER children feel no difference between siblings when THIER children may and often do feel differently.

I'm sorry but there is no way a child should see a step sibling in the same light as a full sibling. Just because a person with kids marries someone else with kids and force them all to live together it doesn't make them siblings.

@SeeseeR is there any particular reason for your weird take on half sibling relationships?

This poster is clearly very resentful. You only have to search their username to see that. This is a post they made about her daughter's Dad wanting to see her more...

"Because he’s her dad and he’s always been allowed to have her 2 nights a week and now he’s saying he wants 50/50. I don’t believe any mum on this site would allow their ex to have their kids 50/50."

Excuse me??? Why on earth would you think the children won't form as close of a bond? Trust me kids don't give a toss about full/half/step it's grown-ups with fragile egos that get hung up on it.

I had a lovely friend who as well as her two younger sisters were all adopted. They only referred to each other as sisters.

It's frankly weird to insist a child see it as anything other then siblings

I voted the wrong way as the voting is confusing. I suspect most people struggle with your stance.

Step siblings should not be calling themselves anything but step siblings.

Half siblings are different. I don't think constantly pointing out or correcting children about one of them being a half is particularly kind. However, parents who actively pretend like the half makes no difference do so for themselves. It is like they don't want to admit or accept that a child will never have as strong a bond with a half sibling as they would with their full sibling.

Hrtft

But. My 3 have 2 half siblings. I only ever bother to clarify to randoms if I need to point out the late 20s early 30s siblings aren't actually mine! If it is a passing comment it takes too much time to explain the whole family history - what is the point?

Otherwise I like that they view each other as siblings - I hope they will stay close as adults & have each other's backs when their dad and I & dSC's mum have gone!

I have a step-sister, in name only, we've barely met as adults and didn't grow up together - we never talk and I never mention her. I don't like her much and can't stand her mother so... no ties! If the step mother and step sister had been completely different people - maybe I'd be talking about "my sister", who knows!! But that is my choice. I think it should be your DCs choice.

Op - I commented on your thread last year. It is good to see that you have stuck to enabling contact between your daughter and her father, as that was what you were struggling with then due to your feelings of jealousy over him providing a “family unit” and you feeling that you had not done the same.

You were really receptive to people’s responses on that thread. Can you not see, based on the responses here, that you are not being rational in your thinking about this?

They are 12! They are not “confused” , they see their half and step siblings as siblings (which they are) and don’t feel the need to qualify that statement with information about biology to create distance.
It’s a shame that you can’t accept your child’s family, but it’s very wrong of you to make that so apparent to your child, and try to force them to feel the same distance you feel.

I have 5 children, the 3 youngest are full siblings, the 2 older are half siblings to each other and the younger 3.
My oldest DS has a sibling on his dad's side, when he asks how many siblings he just says 4 sisters and one brother
My oldest DD has 2 siblings on her dads side but when asked she just says she has 3 sisters and 3 brothers.
My husbands family include my older children in the niece/nephew count because they consider them family regardless of bloodline.
Thay are siblings.......end of. No half measures here.

Similar for me. My father and stepmother were divorced. I still had a relationship with her until her death, which my father encouraged. Her children with my father are my siblings. I have never called them "half."

Yes

From a previous (rather insane) thread of OP’s… this is dad’s wife with whom he has two children plus his wife has a daughter from a previous relationship. OP also has a live-in partner she leaves her daughter with regularly.