Half/step siblings

Get some therapy and stop taking your issues out on the children l. If they all get on and see each other as siblings then what's the harm done. Unclench and try to get on with your life instead of point scoring with your ex.

I doubt he’s changed that much. Probably people looking in from the outside thought you had a good marriage.

You’ve got your child & you’ve got out of a shit relationship. It’s easy to say, but comparison is the thief of joy. Try to find that joy in your relationship with DD. Mumsnet is a good place if you need to vent, but try & stay positive in front of DD. 💐

I have a half brother who I never lived with (he’s 16 years older than me and my dad was a shit dad to him as well). We saw each other maybe 2-3 times a year growing up. He’s a complete knobhead and i haven’t seen or spoken to him in 20+ years. I still call him my brother. It’s just easier. I will elaborate if necessary if people look confused. That doesn’t happen though because I often forget he even exists. 😂

This is an excellent post.
Op, I remember posting on your old thread ages ago. Sorry if I was a bit harsh on this one.
You really need to try your best to lose the bitterness and work on your confidence, self worth and happiness. It can't be fun living life sad and angry and bitter. You deserve happiness, and your relationship with your daughter is at stake. Start thinking positive to the future instead of holding onto resentment over the past.

My partner grew up with his step sibling his entire life, I'm not going to police how he refers to them

That is understandable but get help. For your own sake. Stop hurting your children because you are hurt you didn't get the life you wanted. No one really does .

Oh you do sound sad. You need to separate his/their life from yours though. You have no control over his life, only your own.

What changes would you like to make? Big and small. Make a plan.

If you really would like a new partner, what do you need to organise to achieve that?

Better job? Nicer clothes? More friends? Eating more healthily?

The internet (not social media) is brilliant for getting useful info on how to achieve your goals. Maybe think about it this weekend and start a thread in chat. I am sure people will help.

You have wasted too much time being sad and angry. It’s time to claim your life back.

Please please please I beg you work on your issues. If only for the sake of your relationship with your daughter. This bitterness will damage things in the long run the older she gets. Please don't fall into the trap my mother did. I unfortunately had to go nc with my own mother when she decided her own feelings and her issues and insecurities were more important then me and my new born baby making choices that broke the camels back.

@Pickledeverything can you explain why this hurts you? We might be able to help. You split up ten years ago so I am assuming it’s not that you are still in love with your ex?

@TheignT
They share a parent in both cases so they are half brothers in both cases but if they consider themselves brothers that's what matters. If you adopted a child would you say they aren't siblings because they didn't start in the same womb or testicles and ovaries? Not a nice attitude.

But they haven't ever met their half siblings (no idea how many they have, one father did a runner but I know they have at least 1)

And adoption is totally different and not what we are talking about.

And tbh my attitude is irrelevant - they are adults, the whole family considers them brothers and my eldest considers his 'stepfather' his dad.

I have three siblings who are technically half siblings, and one full sibling.

None of us have ever referred to each other as anything other than brother or sister. You sound really unpleasant “correcting” your children like this. Just stop it.

Your child is entitled to a relationship with their full/half/step siblings on their own terms, with their own labelling.

You will come across as bitter, twisted and petty. Chill out and appreciate the good relationships the children have.

I’ve got two half sisters.(different dads) We are all sisters. And one dsis called my Dad Dad(he wasn’t) and other called my mum , mum(she wasn’t).

Not my children specifically but I have a younger "half" brother who is considerably younger than me, he's one of the closest people to me in the world, I was almost like a third parent to him when he was younger as he spent so much time with me and wanted to follow me wherever I went! I would be really upset and somewhat offended if he was referred to as my "half" brother. I feel like it devalues the relationship and makes it feel less significant than if we had the same parents.

In my husband's family there are 4 brothers with 3 different fathers. They all refer to themselves as "brothers". Not half brothers.

Well done for acknowledging this. Yes, I appreciate that it's painful but I promise that it get's better. Take care of yourself

I assumed my way was the right way

This is a terrible way to live your life.

This is from your thread last year:

“Iv thought about this ever since you posted it and had a little cry this evening.
iv fucked up and it hurts to admit it but the truth is, yes I do tell her that her siblings aren’t her siblings and her step mum isn’t her step mum, because it hurts to think that he’s given her a family and I haven’t yet. I never wanted her to grow up on a split family. When I get angry (not just about this) but it’s like i see red and I can’t calm down and I do get nasty.”

Looking at your previous threads it’s obvious you are still hurt by her father leaving you and I think you need to work through that trauma so you can free yourself and move on.

Holding unto past hurt and truama like this will manifest in other areas of your lives including your current relationship and we can see it is leaking into your child’s relationship with her siblings.

Maybe look into seeing a therapist to talk through what happened, how it affected you and how to let it go.

It’s obvious there are other underlying issues at play and it is not just that you think she should call them step brothers and sisters to avoid confusion, it’s because it triggers something in you and as you said in the quote above you harbor hurt that he was able to give her a family of siblings which you haven’t been able to.

I appreciate that you were able to express how you feel and I will implore you to seek help to dig deeper and work through the issues for your sake, for your daughters sake, for the sake of your current relationship.

Holding unto hurt, anger and trauma like this is unhealthy.

you are wrong.

your post is ambiguous. it ssuggests that you think brother/sister is incorrect, and they should use step/half, and you would therefore correct them to add the prefix. However, your reply here implies the opposite. Which is it?

I have two half brothers, one older on my mum's side and one younger on my dad's. My mum had an acrimonious divorce both times; she cut contact with my older brother. Brother on my dad's side was IVF and donor. My mum constantly corrected us that he wasn't even our brother because he wasn't genetically related. She also wouldnt allow us to call my dad's wife step mum, only that she was his wife, despite her being in our lives since we were young children.

My mum died young, consumed by bitterness. She still referred to my dad's wife as 'that tart' even after they'd been married for twenty years. (BTW it wasn't an affair, and she moved on much quicker than he did)

Don't be like her. It consumed her, and it really affected our relationship with her. Everything was about her, how she felt wronged, how disrespected she felt, how angry she was. It ate her up, and it served no purpose, other than to push everyone else away.

Not unusual to consider them brothers as they ARE biological brothers. However, their siblings from their father are the exact same genetic relation as they are to each-other- they share one parent, the same amount of DNA etc etc. I can understand there being zero bond on account of the fact they do not see or know their other siblings.

My children have an older half sibling from their dad (my ex). I call her their sister, not half sister. They call her their sister. I don’t think we’ve ever used the term half sister, but technically that’s what she is.

Not my experience. I have 2 children from my first marriage and 2 from my second. The two who are closest have different fathers, the two with the worst relationship have the same father.