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Original poster

Half/step siblings

456 replies

Pickledeverything · 19/02/2025 23:23

If your children have half or step siblings do you correct them when they say “brother/sister” so they use the proper term?

YABU - yes I do
YANBU - no I do not

OP posts:
Starlight1984 · 20/02/2025 08:49

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 20/02/2025 08:46

My children call my partners Step Dad Grandad. He's a wonderful man and I wouldn't have it any other way. So my kids have 3 Grandads, so what 😊

Show quote history

Yeah I call my DHs step-dad my FIL as DH calls him Dad. Not really seeing what the issue is here? Surely it's a really nice, healthy and positive thing?

Togglebullets · 20/02/2025 08:49

Savemefromwetdog · 20/02/2025 08:19

iv fucked up and it hurts to admit it but the truth is, yes I do tell her that her siblings aren’t her siblings and her step mum isn’t her step mum, because it hurts to think that he’s given her a family and I haven’t yet. I never wanted her to grow up on a split family. When I get angry (not just about this) but it’s like i see red and I can’t calm down and I do get nasty.

You don’t seem to have grown up at since last year, OP

Oh that's really sad actually. The op had obviously really turned things around and put her daughter first by the end of that thread. It looks like she's struggling again.

Op, maybe you need some therapy to help you with all this? You're hurting your daughter and I don't think you want that do you?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 20/02/2025 08:46

GreyCarpet · 20/02/2025 08:02

My children are technically 'half' siblings but none of us have ever thought of them in that way and I remember the eldest being quite upset when someone at school told him they were half siblings.

Their dad remarried and they didn't have children but, if they had, I wouldn't have referred to them as half siblings either. They would also have been their brothers/sisters in my eyes (despite not actually being blood related to one of my children at all!)

I do have two half siblings and that is different because they are 31 years younger than me (and we don't see them but that's another story!)

I have a partner now and all our children are adults. We've all already said that, when grandchildren come along, there'll be no 'step' there either. All children (adult and grand) are, and will be treated, equally/equitably.

My children call my partners Step Dad Grandad. He's a wonderful man and I wouldn't have it any other way. So my kids have 3 Grandads, so what 😊

Mysteryfemale · 20/02/2025 08:45

NC44 · 20/02/2025 00:55

I agree with you, OP.

A half is a half, a step is a step. They are not full siblings. Stating the difference is not hateful, it is factual.

I have a half cousin, and 11 full cousins. My favourite of all of them is the half cousin, and it does not negate the relationship in any way to state that we are half cousins.
I also have a step-sister, we were both 16 when her mother married my father, so pretty much adults, and not raised in the same house. Legally we were step-sisters (her mother divorced my father, hence legally I suppose she is my ex-step sister/past tense step sister), it's no skin off either of our noses to state that we are/were step sisters. I prefer her to my bio brothers too.

I think it is fine to be factual with your children. It does not diminish the relationship.

What is a half-cousin??? I have read this several times and cannot make sense of it.

Discombobble · 20/02/2025 08:44

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 01:47

We’ve been split up ten years and child in question is 12 so I’m not bitter. Just factual. I bet all of you who are moaning would also not be happy with your kids calling your ex’s gf their step mum. Because she’s not, she’s daddy’s gf ffs

Well you sound bitter. Why would you create rifts where there aren’t any? If your child thinks of another as their sibling, what on earth is wrong with that? My half sister is my sister. Stop policing other’s relationships

Motheranddaughter · 20/02/2025 08:43

It should be child led

Never2many · 20/02/2025 08:40

What is it with the number of bitter ex’s posting here lately.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 20/02/2025 08:39

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:20

Ok but I don’t want them to say brother and sister in my house, they’ve been told and still continue to do it. Am I the “psychopath” for correcting them??

Yes. A million % yes. HTH

popandchoc · 20/02/2025 08:39

No my children call their half sister their sister and they don't see her as anything different.

Starlight1984 · 20/02/2025 08:38

You sound absolutely awful @Pickledeverything

OrangeYaGlad · 20/02/2025 08:38

Half and step are two completely different things. Half siblings are relations, step are not.

But it's a stupid question, because every situation is different. I have half sisters I've never met, they are not my siblings. I used to have step siblings, they're not anymore. They're no relation to me whatsoever.

It's whatever people consider them.to.be. don't try and control what way your children refer to their family in either direction

Trunksarebetter · 20/02/2025 08:38

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/02/2025 01:41

Can anyone confirm if these children are step or half siblings? It's a bit confusing.

OP said “They have step brothers and half sisters”. Where’s the confusion?

PinkPlatypus · 20/02/2025 08:35

I’ve just read all your updates and honestly you’re being a dick. I feel for your poor kids. And their siblings. Your bitterness and jealousy aren’t a good look. Your kids obviously see their siblings as just that. Trying to damage that to make yourself feel better is pathetic.

SheilaFentiman · 20/02/2025 08:34

My husband’s sister and my husband’s brother’s wife are very close and refer to each other as sisters. Try correcting them… it won’t be pretty 😀

At 12, your child knows the actual relationships if they need to be accurate on forms or whatever. So pushing this point is about you, not them.

You don’t have to say it. If they say “can’t wait to see my sister” you can say “ah yes, how is Katie’s ballet going?” or whatever. But don’t “correct” them. It won’t help anything.

nwsw · 20/02/2025 08:33

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 01:47

We’ve been split up ten years and child in question is 12 so I’m not bitter. Just factual. I bet all of you who are moaning would also not be happy with your kids calling your ex’s gf their step mum. Because she’s not, she’s daddy’s gf ffs

You sound really bitter.

Lookingforwardto2025 · 20/02/2025 08:33

If it is a context where it is important that it is known that they are half siblings such as medical history then I will refer to them as my half brothers. Otherwise they are my brothers and I will correct anyone who refers to them as anything else. The degree of relationship is for your DC to decide.

My mum and stepdad (my brothers father) have since broken up but he still visits me, messages me and recently offered to pay off my student loan. He is my brothers father and therefore family.

Swonderful · 20/02/2025 08:32

Pickledeverything · 19/02/2025 23:35

Interested to hear from the 11% who do correct their children

Your poll is confusing. They probably voted to wrong way.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 20/02/2025 08:31

everychildmatters · 19/02/2025 23:37

Should I refer to my husband as "my second husband", just to make it clear?!!! 😆

Well, I do refer to my husband as my 'first husband' or my 'current husband'... (And he refers to himself as my 'starter husband'

Wells37 · 20/02/2025 08:29

What about adopted children? Eg you have a birth child you then adopt a child. Should they have to explain the situation and say they are adopted siblings ? The only time it's relevant to them is in a medical setting.

If that's what they want to call them let them.

OneShoeShort · 20/02/2025 08:29

BeardieWeirdie · 20/02/2025 08:12

My MIL tried to get my husband (as a child) to call her second husband “dad” when he already had a dad in the picture - so wrong. She then started referring to her third husband (who wasn’t on the scene until my husband was in his 30s) as “granddad”. We said no, our child has two granddads and Dave is Dave. I find her trying to push relationships like this onto her unwilling family appalling. Dave has grown-up children who we’ve never met, we don’t even know their names, any attempt to refer to them as my my husband’s brothers or our children’s uncles would be laughed at.

It sounds like your MIL was doing similar to OP - trying to force her children to define and describe their family relationships in the way she wants instead of respecting their feelings and wishes.

Praying4Peace · 20/02/2025 08:28

Praying4Peace · 20/02/2025 08:28

My child has 3 brothers and sisters, corn after their dad got married. I've inherited 3 GC to add to my adult child's 2 children, making that 5! Wonderful
I simply don't get this 'half' bit. Find it really irritating

born

ThDanielDay · 20/02/2025 08:28

Pickledeverything · 20/02/2025 00:20

Ok but I don’t want them to say brother and sister in my house, they’ve been told and still continue to do it. Am I the “psychopath” for correcting them??

Yes

Praying4Peace · 20/02/2025 08:28

My child has 3 brothers and sisters, corn after their dad got married. I've inherited 3 GC to add to my adult child's 2 children, making that 5! Wonderful
I simply don't get this 'half' bit. Find it really irritating

Drcake · 20/02/2025 08:27

Seems like you are searching for people to confirm what you wish to happen. Confirmation bias almost. Clearly it seems most people with step / half siblings don’t demand the children exclusively refer to to them like this. If you do, for whatever reason, I would assume you should probably let your children take the lead seeing as it’s their relationship and what they feel comfortable with.

PinkPlatypus · 20/02/2025 08:23

I’m confused. Brother/sister IS the correct term.
My youngest (biologically) only has ‘half siblings’ but we would never call them that. They’re her brother/sisters. I would be devastated if I ever heard my eldest kids calling her their half sister.