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Solo train men with no awareness

33 replies

Veryverycalmnow · 19/02/2025 22:18

I am probably being unreasonable as it is about public transport where you sometimes see an awful lack of manners, but this really stuck out today.
I was catching a train (no reserved seats but not that busy) with my child and we managed to get a table seat- great for playing card games or a bit of drawing on the journey, but feels a luxury for us 2. A mum with 4 kids got on and was desperately trying to seat them all together or as close as possible. It wasn't possible, so I looked around to see if we could help. Me and my DS pick up all our stuff and move to 2 other seats so she can get her kids sat down in a 4 (1 on her knee), which I didn't mind at all- DS was happy to be doing the right thing etc. As we were moving, I noticed a couple of the tables she had tried and not been able to use were only occupied by solo men with legs spread wide and bag on seat etc and even though neither had headphones on/ in, they had let the woman and kids struggle or just been oblivious of the situation somehow even when I was moving all our stuff around.
Anyway, if you've read this far, you may be thinking, like me that it wasn't surprising, but I still can't grasp why this happens!

OP posts:
thrifty24 · 19/02/2025 22:37

Was it a train with seat reservations?

BashfulClam · 19/02/2025 22:34

Veryverycalmnow · 19/02/2025 22:30

Yeah, maybe you're right, but if I am taking up a seat with a bag, I always think I'll move it if anyone needs the seat and wouldn't just chill out taking up that space without considering others. It doesn't take much to think about other people's needs if you're sharing a space.

I don’t put my bag on a seat as it’s rude. I
Keep it in my lap but I have ADHD and after a day of masking and being overwhelmed in the station etc my mind will shut out the outside. I am basically in my own world. However, if I get on the train and there is a bag in a seat I will ask the owner to move it.

Veryverycalmnow · 19/02/2025 22:34

Needmorelego · 19/02/2025 22:28

As @BashfulClam said - a lot of people just zone out and aren't really interested in what is going on around them.

I don't pay much attention to the majority of train stuff but I have an awareness if a woman is nearby with 4 kids needing a seat.

OP posts:
Veryverycalmnow · 19/02/2025 22:30

BashfulClam · 19/02/2025 22:27

I zone out and don’t pay attention to folk around me. I wouldn’t have noticed all the faffing about. Why couldn’t she ask one of the ‘solo men’ if they’d move their bag etc?

Yeah, maybe you're right, but if I am taking up a seat with a bag, I always think I'll move it if anyone needs the seat and wouldn't just chill out taking up that space without considering others. It doesn't take much to think about other people's needs if you're sharing a space.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 19/02/2025 22:28

As @BashfulClam said - a lot of people just zone out and aren't really interested in what is going on around them.

Veryverycalmnow · 19/02/2025 22:27

I also travel regularly by train and maybe should have said people rather than men but they were men so I said men.

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 19/02/2025 22:27

I zone out and don’t pay attention to folk around me. I wouldn’t have noticed all the faffing about. Why couldn’t she ask one of the ‘solo men’ if they’d move their bag etc?

Needmorelego · 19/02/2025 22:23

That's not a "man" thing.
I travel by train regularly. Women do it too.

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