About DD and birthday party?

Maybe the escape rooms is something she would enjoy more, because she'd be doing it with her friends.

She either attends the party or she doesn’t. Popping in for a bit, sandwiched between other more important engagements is very poor behaviour.
It wouldn’t be too surprising if she gets uninvited by the friend if she tries this.

There are doubtless other friends she can invite who’d be happy with the full itinerary.

Sorry just read you last post and see the circumstances were different. If you haven’t committed then no problem I’d say. As a mum of a swimmer thinks say more down time to allow child time for friendships. Although it’s hard when swim coaches try to take over all your free time for sure.

Let her go to the party if she wants to go. Socialising is also really important. I say this as another swim mum with a similar age dd

If it’s this weekend presumably you’ve already committed to the parents of the birthday child that your child will be there. It’s really poor form to pull out now I’d say cos those things cost money per head…. What would you say ‘oh two days before the party we’ve decided my child needs to go to her regular trampolining instead of your child’s party that you’ve paid a lot of money and planning into. Sorry I’m so disorganised I didn’t think of this til the day before and now you can’t invite someone else to fill the spit without it looking crap for you’ 🤨

Well it seems you have an answer for everything so just crack on with your plan 🤷‍♀️

Its tricky to keep tween/teen girls active, so I'd be inclined to let her keep trampolining if the money isn't causing a big issue.

Your DD sounds ace. I hope she enjoys the party and does well at the competition!

I have a similar situation with one of mine. I think that if they're dedicated enough to want to miss a sleepover for a meet and considering how much time she spends training whilst her friends hang out together, how many things she misses for competitions, then I try to facilitate any social occasion I can even if it means missing a secondary activity.

I don't want her to resent her activities. It's an age when a lot of girls give up sport and I think it's important not to give them another reason to stop.

This.

So the money is more important than her happiness... ok.

You sound overly controlling, she sound run ragged with extra curricular that are having all the joy sucked out of them by force. I can't possibly imagine why she didn't enjoy an escape room with you lol.

These are meant to be fun extras to life not all consuming and interfering with her having friends and a life. When you force them to take over everything you ruin them. Its like how they say 'never turn a hobby into a career' because then your 'fun escape' thing becomes the work you want to escape from.

What does the Swim meet involve - competition? Presumably if she's part of a team she can't easily drop out. Otherwise I'd let her do whatever she wants to and is OK with friend.

I'd send her to all or nothing tbh. Horrible for her if they are all getting into pjs and setting up camp and she has to leave.

Why can’t she go to a sleepover because she’s swimming the next day. You’re going to make her milly no mates if you insist of her prioritising things she’ll probably give up in a couple of years anyway

It’s one trampoline session. In the great big scheme of things it isn’t worth you worrying this much. You are neither being unreasonable or reasonable just worrying. Your daughter will be fine whatever you choose. And you need to be kind to yourself.

in my world when a party clashes with a paid activity I usually give my kids the choice unless the logistics just make it impractical or we’ve already agreed to make up a team or something. It’s all meant to be fun, even if the sport is at a high level, and some sports clubs can lose sight of that.

It's great that you've listened to the different perspectives. I totally get it, I have an 11 DC who is county level in one sport, has another team sport that is her favourite and she does semi- seriously and a third sport she does for fun at the moment but she's also showing aptitude at. She loves all, doesn't want to quit anything and it's all brilliant for her but it does mean she has to make choices which is hard for her but also good life experience. When we have clashes I do try and make it as much her decision as possible. We know that by doing more than 1 thing she will have a poor attendance in all and it can be a bit of a financial drain but it's the only way to keep the balance between multiple sports and a vital social life. I think your DD needs to make the decision herself and going forward lots of sympathy when there's no good solution for a clash because sometimes that happens. It's about framing it about how she is so lucky to have such a brilliant, full life.

You think the friends will be more excited about your daughters arrival than the escape room ?
it that’s true then she should definitely join the escape room

it sounds like her swimming is too full on for her to also do trampolining and maintain a social life. I would say stop the trampolining and prioritise the social life

I think this is the part where you need to put your foot down, not over the escape room. If she is missing a lot a trampoline lessons, and you are basically wasting money on sessions that she can't attend because she is busy swimming, it is perfectly reasonable to cancel that activity. She might want to do it but the reality is that she can't fit it in. Perhaps as a compromise she can have lessons in the school holidays, instead.

Was just going to type this!

I went with work and it was awkward. Went with DH and friends and had a great time.