Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

I was made a grandmother at 42, I was always complimented on my son when I was out pushing the pram - he's 18 now

I know 3 women from school who are grandparents at 42.
I don't think it's that unusual to be a grandparent in your 40s.

My mum was a grandma at 42.
So at your age I'd wonder but wouldn't assume either way.

In 2021 (most recent year where I can find info) only 1471 children were born to women aged 44, and 784 to women aged 45. So the number of women who are actually in their late 40s and have a 3 year old is very small. Maybe there are some women who look older than their age, but not all that many women have babies over 40, and you'd have to look very old for your age to be late 30s and be read as late 40s.

About 45000 babies were born to women between 21 and 23. Many of those women will have mothers who were much older when they were born. But quite a lot will have mothers who were a similar age. Then there are women in their late 20s whose mothers had them as teenagers, etc.

There are also a lot of very well preserved slightly older women who could easily pass for 47. So some of the potential 47 year old grandmothers of 3 year olds might really be in their early 50s. There are close to zero mothers in that age category.

So, yes, independent of social and geographical context, it's more likely that you're the grandma.

At my son's first school, I became friends with two great grandmothers who did school pick up. The mothers and grandmothers (40s, like me) were too busy with work. And some people thought I was the grandma, too, even though I was only 41 when I last had a three year old...

@Babycatsarenice I'm sure that's not the case. There is no right way, I personally think there are pros and cons to both having children younger/older. I think people are just biting back at the uncalled for digs at young mothers.

But it's literally my family, my biological history. Why would I take raw statistics over my own family's medical history?

I've said numerous times, each to their own. Your family works for you, mine for me. Does one way of doing things need to 'win' ? That seems an odd way to look at the world. After all, variety is the spice of life.

I'm sorry @AntiHop but if I saw someone knocking the door of 50 - with a 3 year old, I would absolutely assume they were the grandparent. Whilst its not necessarily hugely common to be a grandparent by your late 40s, it's more common than having a toddler in your late 40s. That's for sure.

(And everyone looks roughly looks their age, so you will look mid 40s minimum, so it's hardly surprising really that people think you're the grandparent of a 3 year old.)

Not anymore, more likely to have a child in your 40s than your teens nowadays.

But also, it wasn't that long ago that you might be a mum to young kids and a grandma for your older kids. Certainly common in my grandfather's generation (between WW1 and WW2).

I know more mum's in their 40s with young kids, than in their 20s. But that's because of my own age/ friend groups. Found it a pretty broad mix across baby and toddler groups.

I dont judge anyone who has struggled to start a family. My heart goes out to them. I don't even judge people who postponed because they didn't feel ready or whatever

but I do judge anyone who thinks it is silly or lower class or a sign of a lack of education to have children at a sensible biological age.

So you believe anecdata over raw facts?

My children's grandparents are young enough and fit enough to take them skiing and sailing and on long walks over the hills. Their great granny was still skiing twice a year when they were at infant school . Again, that doesn't in and of itself work as a proof that younger Parenthood is better.

All the evidence shows that with age comes huge drops in fertility, significantly increased risks of pregnancy and birth complications and substantially higher risk of autism, down syndrome and all sorts of other conditions.

Personal stories are just that. They don't suddenly make it sensible to delay starting a family till your 40s, it's a huge gamble if it's something to y really want to do. Personally I am thrilled my children will have their grandparents around untill they are well into adulthood and that they knew their great grandparents well too. It feels like a real privilege.

Maybe there should be a mumsnet page for over 40s geriatric mums. Or would we all complain about our knees or something?

I think younger mums are infinitely cleverer than me. I wish I'd got my life together and settled down younger but I didn't and then took ages to make my daughter. I feel bad about being so old but she is here and we love her. My judgement is poorly of myself and envious of younger mums.

Well, I was 46 when I had mine and I'm certainly claiming to know it all. Always be suspicious of anyone who thinks they do!

Of course they grasp ‘the basics’. But it’s ridiculous to think that the statistical likelihood of conceiving easily and carrying a healthy child to term necessarily outweighs the advantages of being an older parent,

I know that's what we're told, but as previously stated, at least the last 4 generations of my family have had their children at 40+, no disability. My parents are near 90 and still living independently never having had serious illness. There's maybe an argument that it keeps you active and fitter having kids older.

So going on my own family, it works for us I guess. Friends with parents who had them in their 20s have died, had life limiting illnesses such as cancer etc. You really can't completely predict these things. I'm 50, healthy, not too knackered (anymore than the 30 somethings I know running around with toddlers) and my child is healthy and happy. It's not an either or. Do what's right for you.

See @UndermyShoeJoe post. But surely this isn't a surprise to all these people who are so sure they are infinitely wiser and better than I am, merely because I had my baby at 29 not 39?

Exactly. It's shocking people are throwing insults at "young" mums and implying we lack class, education, etc yet they don't even know the very basics about the impacts of age on fertility, pregnancy and birth complications and genetic issues

Because the more you age the lower your chances of conception are, the higher the risks for disabilities are for the child and the higher rate of complications for mum. Just a few things.

Even being a younger mum yet dad being older is showing links to increase in autism.

I know if several people that became grandparents in their late 40s. My own parents became grandparents at 47 (DM) and 49 (DDad) when my sister had her first.

My sister was 23 so younger than some of her friends by a couple of years. I then had my first at 27, having been to uni, got married, bought our first home and qualified in my profession by then. Most my friends are uni educated, owned their own homes, were married etc but still had their first child between 28-32 yrs old.

I'd say at 47 with a toddler I wouldn't want to assume either way. Could be the mother but could be the grandparent too. I'd never say anything and just wait until I heard the child refer to the person as Mummy or Nanny to figure it out!

Why?

I am 29 with a 3 year old, my mum is 59, my dad is 60 and my partners mum is not yet 50 so it is just different for everyone 🤷‍♀️

I always assume that anyone consciously waiting till their late 30s/40s to have babies must have snoozed through biology at school, it's hardly a marker of intelligence. Different of course if you don't meet the right person. But if you really want a family it's bonkers to wait till your 40s

I would assume a 47 yo was a grandma. I don't know anyone who has had their first child in their 40s, I know 1 who had a 3rd in their 40s. Most people I know have babies between 25-35 and I know a few who have had them in early 20s.

I think you're talking about my post. I didn't say you couldn't have botox and a degree. I also sterotyped old grandmas, grey buns etc.

In my family everyone, for at least the last 4 generations, has had children around 40+ so that's what I'm used to. I don't get mistaken for my child's grandmother, neither did my mum when I was a child, so no defensiveness. A 40 something isn't the thought that springs to my mind about what a granny is, and that's because of my background.

Really, each to their own. Some of my friends had kids young, some older. Usually it happened at the right time for them. It did for me, I'm a better parent now than I'd have been in my 20s. I don't think it's an either or, parents can be good or bad at any age.

I agree. I don't care when people have children, it's their choice but bloody hell some of the posters on here.

I'd rather have grandchildren at 50 than small children. I'm 42 and can barely cope with our kitten getting us up in the night let alone a newborn. Absolutely shattered!