Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

i was 42 when my eldest GC was born. They’ve now just started driving lessons.

A friend is late 40s and has this week been made a grandparent.

I was a Nursery teacher.we learnt not to judge as all ages came to collect

This.
In professional London, I would assume you were his mother. We were the youngest by far in our NCT group at 33.
In the North West at the same time my SIL was the oldest in hers by 6-7 years and accompanying grandmothers were late 40s-early 50s.

I mean thats just neither here or there, you are fertile in your 20s and 40s. My eldest sister had her first at 18 and in the same month, my mum also had a child. My mum was 40.
However my sister only became a grandmother at 48 cuz my niece had her first at 30.
Imagine, had my niece had her first early , my sister could've been a grandma in her 30s.
So, I persume nothing.
Both is likely and nothing to do with how you look.

@Gogogo12345 You might be responding to the wrong poster.

I didn’t say that it sounded grim, I said that the COL prevented my DH and I from having kids in our 20’s, because we couldn’t financially provide for them until later (plus if I’m honest. I wasn’t mature enough to parent until my 30’s).

That was over 20 years ago and I think it’s even harder now for 20-something’s to provide a home and adequately support a family, because rents/mortgages are so high.

Why does it sound grim?

Not in my circle. Most had their kids in their late 30s and early 40s.
Mind you a Tesco delivery guy did ask me if I had grandkids - I said 'no my kids are 9 and 11'! He compounded his faux pas by saying he knew people younger than me who were grandparents- fair though as I was 52 at the time (but I was outraged as I didn't think I looked it).
Oh and the reason he asked was he was giving away some ice lollies. Though come to think of it he didn't give them to me even though my kids would have liked them!

I could be and hope I won't be (had DS aged 23). But I do remember meeting a late 40s GM at the swings when he was little, and being so struck by her vitality and enjoyment. She didn't seem defined by the role but just enjoyed some time with her GD.

I had my son at 20 in 1988. Mum was 47 Dad was 46. Seemed normal in those days to be grandparents but also my brother was only 9 at the time so they were older parents/younger grandparents

I had my only child at 42, my mum became a grandmother when she was 42

However, older maternal age is associated with substantially increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities. And older paternal age is associated with increased risk of autism and schizophrenia.

(Plus there's the fertility dropping and pregnancy and birth risk being higher)

I didn't say one way needs to win.

Just that it's astonishing how much judgement there has been of younger mothers on this thread despite the biological reality that it is a better time to have children

I know one person who is a grandma in her mid/late forties and know one person who had her second baby at 45.
So clearly can be either or even both!
Depending on where you live or who you mix with chances of older mum versus young grandma maybe higher than the other.
Having a baby in your mid 40s is on the right on the cusp of natural fertility.
So maybe people aren't entirely sure but should probably keep quiet until they know!
I think nowadays there are probably more mums of toddlers in their mid/ late 40s than grandma's but have no stats to back this up, but celebrities having babies late in life is certainly widely reported.

“…for a woman over age 35, the chance of having a child with autism is lower than for younger women.”
https://www.thetransmitter.org/spectrum/link-parental-age-autism-explained/

“…young mothers more often have children with ADHD.”
https://academic.oup.com/ije/article/46/2/409/2617180

And that's fine if they think it, what does it matter? Same as it doesnt matter if it surprises me that a 40 something is a grandmother, we just have different experiences of family set ups.

The OP asked if it was common to be a grandparent in your 40s. In my experience I wouldn't think a 40 something was the grandmother, in others' experience they would. Neither right or wrong, just informed by personal perspective.

And you do know of 4 generatinhs of 40 something mothers now, all things under the sun!

Friend of mine from school became a grandmother aged 34.

My sister is about to have her first ….she is 2 years older than I made my Mum a Granny at 44. My Granny was 37 when I was born!

I’m now 47 and can’t see me being a Granny for at least another 5 years minimum (pending any surprises)
Close friend has just had a baby at 47. Even though I was 30 with my second I still was one of the younger Mums at the school pickup - times have changed. It seems most people I know having children are mid to late 30’s or very early 40’s.

My 6 year proclaimed today that I was nearly a grandma because I am nearly 50 and that it wasn't possible to be one before then.

In my circle of friends and at school gate most mums are late 30s/40s and no grandparents in 40s so I would probably assume you were the mum

Come and live with us OP. My part of the UK has the oldest mothers in the UK. You’ll be a spring chicken here! Or at least assumed to be mum! Four women have had babies on my road in the past few years and all have been in their 40s.

Seriously, I know absolutely nobody who had kids in their 20s in my social group now. Housing is expensive round here so that’s probably why.

Having kids young is a lovely thing though and the natural way of things biologically speaking. I got pregnant at 35 and 39. I sometimes feel sadness for leaving it late but then I think back to the men I was attracted to in my 20s …

Exactly this. And it's dangerously misleading. Leading women into thinking they can delay motherhood til their mid 40s, and it will happen 'just like that!' with no issues, or problems conceiving, or with the pregnancy, or with the child.

As you say, in real life, not that many women have their first baby past 42-43.

I gave birth to my 4th and last child at 39 , 5 months later I became a grandma. Im always mistaken for my granddaughters mum and people looked surprised I'm her grandma .

I adopted a baby when I was 46.
Baby's birth grandparents are younger than me I hope she doesn't regret been adopted by an old fart rather than having a young energetic mum.

Not been mistaken for her grandmother yet, but I'm sure I will when she starts school by some kid at some point.
I don't think I look that much older than some of the other mums, I live in an area where people tend to have children later.
I think I do dress like I'm stuck in the 90's so that probably works against me....

It is likely that this is the reason for the huge increase in SEN. I had my youngest at 35 and was informed that there were increased risks of disabilities. Had my eldest in my 20s, eldest is thriving and always been advanced with development/academics. Youngest has autism and development delay.

That’s part of the problem you read Mumsnet and think everyone and their dog is having babies someday in their 40’s they are not the figures are very low per year. False sense of being able to wait too long.

All of this. ^

And I have to say, it's extremely unusual for a family to have 4 or 5 generations of women not having their first child until their 40s. That would be the exception rather than the rule. Never known this happen. As you say, it's not sensible to delay parenthood til your mid 40s, at all, for a multitude of reasons. And people may not have said they think you're the child's grandparent if they see you with a toddler when you're 50, but many will think it.

@hopsalong · Today 22:04

In 2021 (most recent year where I can find info) only 1471 children were born to women aged 44, and 784 to women aged 45. So the number of women who are actually in their late 40s and have a 3 year old is very small.

Exactly this. Despite the amount of posters on MN who claim to not have their first baby til 43-44 or older, and their last one at 48-50, it is NOT common for women to have their first baby over 42-43. (OR have a baby past 45-46.) It really isn't! So yeah, of course people are going to assume that a women of 48-50 with a toddler is the child's grandmother.