Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

@madamweb Yes, nowadays I would assume that a 25-year-old parent, for example, who had their own home and the income to provide for a family, must be from a well-off background, because how the heck could they do it without those resources?!

So many 20-something’s are living at home saving for deposits because they can’t afford to move out - or living in house shares, etc. Few can buy or rent an entire house.

Not goady, but do you look older than 47?

It is statistically true @LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway that age at first childbirth / pregnancy and maternal education level are strongly correlated. An ONS analysis of age of mother at first birth by education level from 1996 to 2016 showed that a woman with a degree gave birth to her (mean) first child aged 32.86 and a woman with GCSEs as her highest educational level was aged 27.03. There might well be a greater difference among women with post-graduate degrees, too.
I am in that group analysed (first baby in 2005), and do have post-graduate degrees, but also was aged 27 at first childbirth. These are statistical averages, not individual rules.

Among my friends and professional acquaintances, I don't know any in their 40s who are grandparents, and lots in their 40s who have babies and toddlers. My parents were several years in advance of their own friends when they became grandparents in their early to mid 50s (I was in my 20s and a lot earlier than my own friends, too).
At the primary school our sons both attended, we were by far the youngest when DS1 went there, in his year, and not the youngest but towards the lower end of the range when DS2 started there nine years later. DS2 has a close friend whose father is six months older than his grandfather (my Dad was 63 when DS2 was born), although that's unusually senior in the group

I'm obviously not great at getting my point across, which was essentially, I support but also have no particular interest in what age women or men have children.

We all have completely different lives, resources and drivers so (in my opinion) there is no universal 'best age'.

Yep.

It's not being "loaded" but simply matter of fact. You don't look as young as you think if several people have automatically defaulted you to be Grandma.

Whilst it's no longer really rare for a 47yr old to have just a 3yr old, you don't seem to acknowledge it's also not that common. If you had a 10yr old, a 7yr old and a 3yr old in tow as your youngest, people wouldn't make the error. It's that you look the age you do, with just a 3yr old. Then it's statistically more likely that this isn't a first child and that you are indeed Grandma.

Whilst you say it's the norm for your circle, it's obviously not for your area in general as you wouldn't repeatedly get mistaken.

I'm 42. DTwins are 5. I'm on the older side of having them. But I also have DS 16. And new mums find that a shock when they see him bowl up to the school gates to pick DTwins up with me sometimes. But when I had him at 26, I was pretty average for a first time mum. Definitely first time parents at the school gates are older now. Not 47, granted, but I would say with eldest DS, everyone else was about 31-32 on the first day of primary school, and now, ten or so years on, the mums I'm talking to are more like 35-36.

If anything perhaps it's a marker of slightly lower class* if you lack the finances and the scientific knowledge to have your child at a biologically optimal age .

• (not that in reality I give a fuck about class, but given it's being bandied around as an insult towards younger mums just indulge me here)

Exactly.

100% this. I'm sick of this 'social circle' nonsense, spouting thinly veiled snobbery implying that 'middle and upper classes' and 'educated professionals' pretty much always have their first child past 40, and no-one in this social group would EVER have a baby at less than 40 years old! (Implying that women who have children at a younger age are badly educated and 'lower class!)

I know LOADS of women who had their first baby by the age of 37 - (25 to 37 actually,) who have the following jobs/careers ... Vicar, GP, Nurse, Solicitor, Police Officer, Detective, Dentist, Hospital Consultant, Hairdresser, Optometrist, Physiotherapist, Psychiatrist, the list goes on. Nearly ALL professionals, and many are degree educated.

It is NOT common to have your first baby over 41-42. Some people might, but it's far more common for educated professionals to have their first baby in their 30s. (Even late 20s.)

I'm sick to death of this implication that only badly educated 'lower class' people have their first baby young. And I say this as someone who had my first baby in my early 30s, and who has 2 DC in their early 30s who don't have children yet! (So I am not 'projecting!')

What an incredibly odd comment. On what planet is having grandchildren 'grim?'

Someone I went to school with is about to become a great grandmother at the grand old age of 47 She had her son at 15, he made her a grandma when he was 16, and now her 16yo granddaughter is a few months off giving birth!

Several of my friends in their 40's have young grandkids, but then a few also have toddlers. When I had my son at 27, 19 years ago, I was the youngest in my NCT group.

Well you must know that it’s not common for women to have a baby at 44?

Many years ago there was a woman on the Jeremy Kyle show, she had just become a Grandmother at the age of 27. She had her child at 13 and that child had just had a baby aged 14.

(and some of the older mums became my best friends, it wasn't all of them by any stretch.who were like that. I just find it interesting that we are being told that all that life experience makes an older mum so much better yet some of them are writing descriptions of younger mums that are really judgemental. What's the point of all that travel and life experience if you haven't gained any wisdom from it)

I had a lovely group of friends too, don't get me wrong..I was just always baffled by the handful of much older mums who seemed to see me as some kind of teen mum. My children were planned and much wanted and I was well travelled, well educated and financially stable by the time I had them.

I’m sorry that happened to you @madamweb. I was lucky, young mums were far more common when I had mine.

This thread has at least helped me understand why some of the older mums at toddler group looked at me and my other twenty something mum friends like we were some kind of pond life. It obviously didn't cross their minds that we might also be highly educated and well travelled professionals.

I remember one time the lady running a baby group asked me what I did for a job and the snotty mums were properly shocked when I said. (And I downplayed how senior I was as well as I am not really into bragging).

It's bizarre that despite being purportedly so well travelled and sophisticated some older mums lack the imagination to realise that not all twenty something mums married "the boy next door" and live a life of dull drudgery (not that there is anything wrong with that anyway, I know some amazing and interesting people who have taken that route).

I had two degrees, a successful and fun career and plenty of travel under my belt by the time I had my child in my twenties. I was a homeowner and we continued to travel and have adventures with our children. The last thing I felt was gutted. I will be young enough to have heaps more adventures when they reach adulthood. Indeed my own parents will still be having adventures when their grandchildren are grown up! I live over 300miles from where I grew up, so am not someone who never left the village they were born in.

People having children in their twenties don't all have small lives filled with drudgery. That's a really rude and judgemental stereotype. I loved being a mum and I loved and love travelling and exploring the world with my children. Maybe your world became very small and dull when your child was born but I feel the opposite.

But yes, if you didn't have a burning desire for children that's different, it's a understable gamble to take (although you are gambling with their health as well as the likelihood of having them). But for those of us who know we definitely want them then it makes sense to not postpone till late 30s/40s.

Probably in terms of biology yes, babies are likely(?) to be physically healthier and births easier?

But early 20's is barely out of school.
I didn't graduate (long degree) until I was 23. Then I worked abroad for a couple of years in fashion design, then came home & I had a great time for 2 decades, working, marrying, divorcing, dating, masters, travelling, lived in a few different places, bought a decent house in a decent area (all paid off now) etc.

I like children and I love my child, but I don't really like the drudgery of parenting. I love moments like splashing in puddles, covering ourselves in paint (ironically I think I'm much more immature than a lot of mums!) having fun together, the tender moments, spending time just hanging out, the cuddles, funny conversations and bathtime.
But the constant tidying, meal prep, admin, never leaving the house without bags and bags of stuff, having to chase down missing gloves, hats, wellies and coats, the complete lack of freedom is so fucking dull. I imagine having a school age child all that stuff is even more boring.
I had a creative career which paid the bills but wasn't particularly stable as I worked for myself, now I have to have a better paid job, which I do enjoy and is interesting, but I'm stuck on my bum in front of a screen because that's what pays the best within my skill set, and that's not really what I wanted my life to be, it's not creative or fulfilling in the same way now I have a boss and work on a computer all day. So I'm really glad I can look back and think, yes I did do what I was born to do at one point in my life, I did try and I did get that chance.

I have no judgement at all about when other women have children (I don't agree with surrogacy and I'm not very impressed by rich old men having second or third families with women young enough to be their grandchild, I do judge then ) but everyone else do your thing.

I think being a mother is an incredible thing to do, and we should all be supporting each other. Because the role is huge and encompasses so much, going into it when YOU are ready is much more important than your DOB.

But I personally would have been devastated to have been a mother in my twenties, absolutely gutted.

I think if you're the type of family that are very close, all live close together and the expectation is that you finish school/uni and then you marry the boy next door and have children, can afford to buy a house, then maybe having children doesn't feel so limiting? I come from a family that is the opposite so that's what I'm influenced by.

Also wasn't bothered about having my own biological child, so the clock ticking or meeting the right man/father wasn't really something I ever thought about.

I don’t think anyone is really saying that being a grandmother or mother at a certain age isn’t statistically true for the whole country. We don’t know everyone in the county and we can only base it on what we see every day.

Where I live (and yes it’s bougie north London), it would be very unusual to be a grandmother so young. I don’t quiz parents on their ages at nursery, but they all look in the 35/45 age bracket (apart from one father who is 55). The youngest mother in my NCT class was 37 and the oldest was 45.

It’s obviously not typical of every town in the UK, but you can only really make a judgement on your experiences and mine would be to think of the OP as a mother, being a grandmother wouldn’t have crossed my mind!

I think it is optimal in terms of health and energy. It’s a balance though between that and security, I didn’t have kids till my thirties as I wanted to be in a stable job, finished education, married and a homeowner. It’s much harder to get a mortgage through if you have dependents nowadays.

I'm MC/UMC and a a highly educated professional living in a wealthy area and I would definitely assume a 50 year old with a toddler was the grandparent because biologically it's the far more plausible scenario

It depends on your social circle, life experience, neighbourhood etc but certainly if I saw a fifty year old with a toddler I would never assume it was the grandparent.

My husband and I were 23 when we had our first child. His parents were the same age when they had my husband, making them grandparents at 46. I think it's great, if our son follows the same pattern they would be great-grandparents at 69. I love the idea that we would be young enough to really enjoy our grandkids, and also that our kids will be mostly grown up by the time we are 50 (had third and probably last child at 30).

Probably get flamed for this, but I think having kids in your early 20s is optimal.

It is common to be late thirties where I live. 🤣