Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

Thank you for posting this - otherwise this thread turns into demonisation of the working classes

I think one can equally be either a grandparent or a parent at that age (I'm a 40s mum to a toddler too) I'm well aware I've done it late. Could actually be a great grandparent at that age I think, just

47 is ‘nearly 50’ and most people do not assume that a ‘nearly 50 year old’ is a mum to a young child. I would also assume you were a young grandparent. I don’t know any grandparents who are ‘nearly 50’ but I would say that is more likely than a ‘nearly 50’ mum. And I say this as someone who had old parents and was constantly asked if they were my grandparents

Yes I'd assume grandparent. Especially if you have grey hair, but even if not.

In your 20s? Barely an adult? Best not let people in their 20s have any important jobs then.

Lots of the friends I met after having my dc had theirs in their late teens/ early 20s. I was late 20s. The only differences in our parenting seems to come from the way we were brought up ourselves- either replicating it or compensating for it.

I don’t understand this “barely an adult” comment to be honest? I’m a parent in my 20’s, most of my friends in our 20’s are also parents, in our friendship group we have: a doctor, a nurse, a financial adviser, a civil servant, a policeman, an electrician and 2 teachers- we’re all more than adult enough to do those jobs, we’re all more than capable of being, and are, good parents.

We’re also all home owners.

If in your 20’s you’re “barely an adult” why are we allowed to do these jobs?

It’s a pointless argument. There are sadly people at all ages who are not able to provide everything their children need, financially or emotionally, that’s not something specific to young parents.

Very honestly it common enough and easy to make the mistake especially if you arent a youthful 40something...

i was in DL softplay and an older woman with a baby of 12-18m was clacking away on a laptop she looked "older"...
She made a phone call and was saying it was her day to have "the baby" which kinda confirmed she was granny.
when she started narrating to the baby "mummys getting your bottle" i was FLOORED and she def saw the realisation on my face 😖

I felt terrible as im no spring chicken and live in fear of it happening to me but our eyes met and i could tell she just knew!!! 🙈

Sorry op it's not. However I was 41 when I had dd. All my friends are now 49 and I don't know a single one that's a grandparent yet and that's including some with children in their teens. Only my experience

Depends where you live, very young mothers and hence grandmothers are still the norm in working class areas. Where I live it is very much the done thing to have children late teens/ early twenties.

I know one woman of 34 who has a son of nearly 18 and a woman just turned sixty who is a great grandmother 3 times over. Having struggled with a mother with Alzheimers and a horrible untreated perimenopause while my kids were still at primary school, I would not knock anyone who opts for early motherhood, there are advantages and disadvantages.

I know lots of people who are grandparents at 40/45 age range, it's really not unusual.

It depends where you live. I went to quite a few 40th birthday parties when DD was at primary school. These were for the birthdays of parents, not grandparents.

I was an older mum (not through choice), but I think most of the parents round here tend to have had babies between late 20s and late 30s.

SIL became a grandparent at 40, but the baby was an oops baby. It all worked out though and the couple are still together.

Of course it does! Usually working classes and aristocrats have kids when they are young and the struggling lower middle classes who call themselves professionals for an unknown reason (like a bus driver is not a professional or a hairdresser is not a professional) become geriatric parents (like myself).

I think it's just more unusual to have a three year old at that age. So people assume you must be a grandparent

I was in my forties when I had my second child. I thought I’d be the oldest parent at the school gate. I wasn’t by quite a few years. I think that it would be unusual to be a grandparent in your forties but not unique.

I became a grandparent at 41. It’s not uncommon where I live 🤷‍♀️ Not many older mums in their 40s with toddlers either

Thank you for writing this - the world has gone mad - 'age is just a number', 'I feel my best now I am in my 60s' and suchlike trash. We face a real crisis in Western Europe because of such attitudes.

This thread is insane 😂😂😂

Completely depends where you live I think. In my area, having children in your 40s is not uncommon and I’d assume mother.

In the area I grew up, having children in your teens/early twenties is not uncommon so I might assume grandmother!

It could go either way but I wouldn’t worry about it, it’s more a reflection on people’s social circles and experiences than on you.

To make you feel better, OP, DH (then 39) was mistaken for DD's grandfather (she was 4) - he might look a bit older than he is, but not much. And he was very much a typical age for fathers at her school.

In your case, I'd assume you were the mother - the oldest mother I know personally was 45 when her DD was born.

Yes i would assume a woman in her late 40s with a 3 year old in tow was the Grandmother. I don't know any mothers approaching 50 that have pre school children i fact i don't know any with children at primary school.

But it poses significant emotional risks to the growing child, faced with a parent who is barely an adult himself or herself, and is not emotionally or economically equipped to be a good parent.

Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely. I would have been a disastrous parent at 25, had some circumstance compelled me to have a baby then. At 40 I was a good one.

You can’t simply ignore biology. There is also further risks for baby’s health as an older mum, something to be factored in to any decision.

There is arguably no perfect time to have children but having them in your 20’s poses the lowest risks to both mum, the pregnancy and the baby.

It can be hard to judge where in middle age someone is now for various reasons. We can recognise young and old easily enough but the age span of about 40 - 60 can be trickier.

Thinking about it my Grandmother will have only been about 3 years older than me when I was born but the 1970s/80s northern Grandma uniform of shampoo & set, headscarf, plaid skirt and overalls was already in place and never changed. So in my head she looked the same in her early 50s as she did in her 70s.

I became a Grandma at 46 and whilst obviously I look older than DD we often wear similar clothes, make up etc. whereas my Mum and Grandma looked very different from each other and their style would have clearly telegraphed Mum or Grandma to anyone looking.

Both ends of the spectrum are common. I was surprised at how young the average age for a first time grandparents is.