To think it shouldn't be this difficult to meet up with friend

So, you're suggesting meeting up with DC, and she sidesteps, but suggests things without DC? You suggest day stuff and she pushes it to the evening. Seems fairly obvious to me your friend would rather meet in the evening without DC than do day activities with them. So if its the friendship you want rather than just another adult to pass the time with when you've got your DC around, and make child friendly activities easier/more pleasant, then you could always agree to her suggestions.

She doesn't want to meet or finds it too difficult with three kids in tow and would rather it be just the two of you. Also toddlers are a huge impediment to days out - you deal with it, of course, when you have one or more of your own, but it's so much easier to go out with older children who are more independent.

When I had one (quite challenging) toddler, I mostly either met friends who had kids the same age or whose kids were at the stage of not coming along with their parent anymore. All the others we generally met for adult only meet ups. It was easier for me by far. And I just accepted it, as I had children later in life than most of my friends.

You don't sound bitter and I can see it's frustrating that you tagged along on her days out with children as it was the only way to catch up and now you feel she isn't doing the same for you.

However the situation is now different. If you meet up with children the age range is too big to please everyone. You have a toddler. Their interests will be much younger than your friends 7 year old (and you say that is her youngest, meaning the other children she has are older again). It's hard getting siblings with a big age gap to willingly do something aimed at a younger child, let alone a child that isn't related. If she meets you somewhere appropriate for your toddler it is likely her kids will become bored, want to sit on devices, beg to go home. Alternatively you take the toddler somewhere suitable for their age group and you end up with a toddler stuck on your lap with the grown ups as they are too young to join in with the older children.

I have a mum friend of 3 who’s similar. Messages me saying we should catch up, plan a play date or it’s been too long, let’s meet up. I’ve got bored of the amount of times I’ve responded with dates or asked when suits with no response until after that time has passed.

She either has such a chaotic life that she doesn’t have time for the friendship or the friendship isn’t worth it to her. Either way it’s frustrating that she keeps initiating meeting up to no avail

I have 3 d and my youngest is 8. She definitely wants to meet up but without kids, at the ages of her kids they have their own lives and friendships and a day out with a baby is just going to lead to bored kids either yours or hers because it is very hard to please such a wide age range.
You went out with her as a child free adult when hers were younger but that doesn’t mean you should expect her children to trail around with yours,
Also being with kids changes the dynamic, especially older ones like hers who hear everything!

It is disappointing when people behave like this. As you say you've done all the young dc thing with her when hers were younger, you'd think she'd get it but for whatever reason she doesn't.
Just stop trying op, it sounds exhausting and depressing. Meet other pals who aren't such hard work.

She suggested an evening and you didn’t acknowledge that and just suggested a daytime with-kids activity, without even mentioning that she’d wanted to do the evening? If her kids are all aged 8+ I imagine they might not want to spend time with you and your toddler and they are probably busy with friends and clubs over half term? It’s tricky that you are at different life stages but forcing the issue and expecting equal amounts of toddler hang outs to those you offered doesn’t seem wise. Meet up with others with kids your age for daytime and enjoy dinner with your friend without the kids, seems a good solution for all.

Mum of three here... I think she probably just wants to see you without her kids. Life is very different for her if her youngest is 7/8… half term is going to be really busy for her and realistically her kids won’t want to spend time with a toddler, they’ll be keen to see their own friends have have days out etc.
I would suggest a nice coffee the week after when her older kids are back at school and she can breathe a sigh of relief and you’ll just have your little one between you to entertain, she will probably enjoy this a lot more

Too stressful op. I think meetup without kids or let it fizzle out. Hard with kids at different stages too. I had a friend like her let it go as got too hard to plan anything..

Because you suggested half term. She clearly wants to meet without the kids, which isn’t at all surprising giving the age differences.

I think she does want to see you but in the evening when both sets of kids are being parented by their dads. Allowing you two to be free to do what you please you said she mentioned theatre? And I think she's mentioning days your DH is around cos then she knows he will be there to out baby to bed while you two are out. I think she probably is desperate for a catch up, an adult one where she can talk freely.

Honestly just stop she's not really worth all the hassle is she ? Doesn't take long to send a simple answer or confirmation to an outing.

I get you OP. I’ve been in a similar situation but as part of a group of 4 and of the women will not budge an inch unless it suits her 100%. We’ve not all met up now in over a year and a half which is utterly ridiculous because no one is that fucking busy.

There is a saying, “There are those that free their time to see you and those that see you in their free time - know the difference” and I think this sums up my situation so I don’t bother anymore as part of the group debate. None of us do as it’s evident that the woman in question isn’t arsed.

Saying that OP, is it that she just wants to meet up with you alone without kids? If so then that’s different as it’s not that she’s not bothered but she may find entertaining 4 kids hard work.

Very frustrating! I'd sit back and let her come to you. See if she does ring you for a catch up, see if she does make a suggestion for you guys to meet. It does sound like she wants to do something without the kids which is fair enough, the age difference between the kids makes it tricky but it sounds like she's always made it hard work. At least you've got other friends and you have people to go out for the day with. I'd focus more on those people where it's not hard work and see if this friend puts in some effort when you step back a bit

What I was going to say.

I'd have given up by now! This "friend" sounds so difficult and not really bothered at the same time.

She doesn't want to meet you. I have a similar friend. And we are both in our 50s so grown children.
I have now realised she doesn't actually want to meet.

I don’t think she wants to meet up with you or be your friend and I am really surprised that you keep contacting her. She sounds as if she could be more straightforward about not wanting to meet but you also sound as if you are being really pushy and intrusive without realising it. Just leave her alone now and meet up with your other nice friend; sometimes friendships drift and it sounds like this one has but you are the only one trying to hold on to it.