To think it shouldn't be this difficult to meet up with friend

Half terms are bound to be tricky as she has 3 children all will be doing play dates etc you need to be more precise.

Do you want to go to X at 3pm Tuesday?
Your plans are too woolly I have ADHD and I need a direct loan. Vagueness ensures it doesn't happen

I would have just texted and said do you want to meet up for half time, I can do Monday or Tuesday and any other time I can do?She messages back saying she can do Thursday, then I say sorry I can’t do then (unless I can) , have a lovely half term
and left it at that.

Chocolatey thats very frustrating. I agree. Should friends be this hard work.. met a lovely school mam from our primary last year but god she takes days to commit. Then long voicenotes. I cant be assed with it all now.

I have a friend similar.

One of us out of three will message on the Whatsapp group about available dates, something to do, then flakey friend will miss the point entirely, come back with dates when we have said we aren’t available, send a confusing message we can’t decipher, agree to something and change plans or cancel completely at the last minute. Then message again asking for dates and saying she really wants to see us and meet up. None of us have the excuse of little ones anymore.

I guess in my case my friend is completely disorganised wants to do everything so commits to doing too much, confuses herself and everyone else in the process and winds people up at work and socially.

I have stepped back will let them get in touch if they really want to meet up as the message has been hijacked and derailed once again.

You've got to appreciate that she has children at ages where things are chaotic and it can be a massive juggling act to keep everyone happy. One wants to go trampolining but his sister has hockey training and then the oldest needs to be dropped off somewhere else. It is a nightmare sorting out multiple social lives. Honestly managing a toddler on the bus is a bit of a different battle.

Toddlers are physically demanding yes you have to keep eyes on them at all time but older kids are so mentally challenging, they're upset due to this, need that, upset over something in school and and and.........

"Friends that are constantly trying to organise meet up's are frankly a pain in the butt!"

@middleagedandinarage how are you getting that the OP is constantly trying to arrange stuff? Doesn't look like she's constantly doing anything, just trying to organise a meet up over half term

"She asked yesterday if I would be free Thursday evening....but come to think of that's only because I mentioned DH would be at work on Thursday..."

@Undecidedonusername what's the relevance here to when your husband is at work or not?

I'm confused, is this real? You're OP is complaining she didn't meet you during HT when you suggested a kids day out but now you're saying you find doing something with her kids miserable anyway!

You suggested half term, not her. Having 1 toddler and 3 kids is very different! I would take the hint, she either doesn't have the time or doesn't want to meet you!
Friends that are constantly trying to organise meet up's are frankly a pain in the butt!

Deep breath. I don’t think she likes your DC.

Or at the very least, she doesn’t want to meet you with DC.

I have read many threads on here where someone is clumsily trying to avoid seeing a friend with their DC and failing to be clear.

I would try one last time, asking to do something with her one evening that is clearly child free. If that’s too difficult I would just back off.

Yes! I agree with this. Whenever I’m organising stuff with friends I make sure I specify (if I’m initiating) or ask (if they are) if we’re discussing an adults-only meet or something to occupy the children where we might get a stilted conversation in around the edges. Sometimes we want both but even then I or they will nail down the details of one before trying to organise the other.

I think there is a lot of factors in play here.
Her kids and your child are in very different age groups and activities that suit your child may not fit with her kids.

Her kids may want to go to their friends etc.

Your seem to assume she knows things that may she does not. Like if dh is away you have no childcare or that you are free to host at home.

The way you post about how you message her is confusing. You need to be more direct.

Say the Art Gallery thing. You need to say Toddler and I are going to this on Tuesday. We are going to take the 10am train. Do you and the kids what to come with us?

Or DH is away on Monday, do you and your dc want to come over for dinner?

Or do you want to meet up for a glass of wine at X bar on Thursday?

The amount of communication though seems excess and could be overwhelming for your friend. Like messaging to say you called is a bit OTT

She's got committment phobia.
Her kids don't want to hang out with a toddler.
She's not bothered about you. I would personally move onto other friends who do make it happen

I think that she’s waiting to see if a better off emerges or doesn’t want to see you but can’t tell you straight. I would drop the rope on this one.

Could you send a WhatsApp list of options she can vote for?
Option 1- Monday Art Gallery
Option 2 - Tuesday at yours as husband away
Option 3 - Evening meet at Cinema no kids
Option 4 - None of these

Give up. She's probably a Libra - they always want to keep everyone happy, but they end up stringing people along

Agree.

I'm not saying she can. I didn't put this in my post, but yes, I agree, my inclination would be to stop trying to organise things and let the 'friend' come to her if she wants. I'm just responding to posts that I think are being harsh on the OP, or justifying the friend's actions, by pointing out that it wouldn't be that hard for the friend to get her point across in a sensible and clear way.

But is the friend is consistently a flake then all OP can do is leave her be. She can't elicit your example of clear communication from her friend.

I think the OP is getting a hard time on here and the 'friend' is being a flake.
If she wants to meet up in the evenings and not with the kids, she needs to use her words and say so:
'TBH I'd love to see you without the kids one evening. Any chance you could make the theatre? x play is on at y theatre – there's tickets going for next Tues or Weds at 7.30pm if those suit you?'
It's not hard.

Tbf I found going out with my 3 a nightmare. Unless her eldest are old enough to be left home alone - and don’t need driving/picking up anywhere then it sounds like a tricky day. Remember older kids are opinionated about what they want to do as well. And mixing a toddler in doesn’t really work for those sorts of days ime. That works better in someone’s house or the beach or a park.

Meeting without the kids sounds much more sensible.

I get what you're saying OP. She says she wants to meet up / have catch ups but when you suggest things she messes you about or doesn't reply.

You've spent years doing stuff with her kids when you weren't keen on it but did it because you're her friend, and now that you have a toddler she isn't bothering to do the same in return. She's saying she wants to do something on the evening your husband is out but then your toddler will be around anyway because your husband isn't there to do bedtime etc?

She sounds a right pain, I'd honestly just stop bothering with her and see if she bothers reaching out to arrange something of her own accord.