On holiday thinking my marriage might be over

This. I wouldn't have hurt him at all to spend an hour with you trying to help you to regain confidence. Can you get a few ski lessons? I'd have a long think about if you want to spend the rest of your life being treated like this. It sounds miserable and is such poor role model for your DD. Would you want her to stay with a mean nasty person like this?

This man sounds abusive. And a pretentious twat who takes skiing way to seriously. Sorry but I'd agree with you. I couldn't sty with someone Like this I'm afraid

One thing I learnt after being on the end of the Silent Treatment many times, was not to give them the satisfaction of knowing that it’s upsetting you.

Mine would do it all the more, the more he knew it was getting to me. So I stopped letting it get to me, by utilising the time he wasn’t speaking to me, to enjoy the damn peace. I would leave him to his little strop and would carry on with my own thing. He’d always break his silence when he realised his childish behaviour wasn’t having the effect he hoped it would.

It’s abusive and used as a form of punishment and control. You did something they perceive as a slight, so they punish you with the silent treatment.

And you’re right, it does build resentment and your feelings for them ebb away a bit more each time they do it. Because the only person who’s pathetic here is HIM. And his nasty, childish behaviour.

Use the time you have to yourself, while he’s off playing with his work friends, to really think about whether this is a relationship you want anymore and start to formulate your exit plan if it isn’t.

He’s verbally abusing you and I’m shocked that the thing that’s bothering you is that he’s not spending an hour with you - do you really want the company of someone so unkind?!

Why do you accept being spoken to like that? How is that ever acceptable in a relationship?Would you want you daughter spoken to like that from her husband?

Hes a nasty bully and you’d be better off telling him to go where the sun doesn’t shine. Don’t waste your good years chasing a nasty little man like him.

Don't leave unless you are happy to escalate things OP
Just do what YOU want on your holiday - yes, have lessons with a young and sexy instructor if you'd like, or spa and long lunch etc.
My childish DH has spoilt more than one holiday too. Leave him to do his own thing and you do yours.

He was mean and then you were mean - you knew where it hurt most. Doesn’t sound nice for either of you. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It does sound like it could be over or needs lots of work.

The people you are skiing with must be regretting it. Sounds really awkward. Is the holiday at least retrievable?

It's not a question of the counsellor criticising his poor communication style - it's about suggesting different ways of behaving to get a better outcome for both of them. It may be that counselling could raise the man's self awareness. Stonewalling is sometimes because the person has never learnt good conflict management.

This sounds horrible for everyone, surely the other people are going to notice if he's blanking you?!

Early flight home, consult a solicitor about divorce proceedings. Your husband neither cares about you nor likes you very much

Gosh, I am so sorry you're having to deal with that op. You are worth more; he sounds awful, and critical. Your partner should build you up and support you, not tear you down.

I would fly home too, unless he is willing to sit down and have a grown up conversation instead of sulking like a petulant child, (which is what he is doing). If he is usually like this, and it is repeated than I would be thinking of next steps to leave him. If it is a one off, than a conversation is to be had as to why he is behaving this way.

If I were you in this situation I would go and hire a private instructor and do my own thing. You might regain your confidence and be better than grumpy hubs by the time you go home!

What an utter twat ! I’ve literally just got back from a ski holiday after 12 years of not skiing! Me,
my partner and 4 year old and 23 year old who I haven’t seen for 2 years as he’s been travelling! Completely lost my confidence! First day went out with my eldest and he was off and couldn’t understand what was wrong with me as I was crying down a green run! (when he was 10 we were doing black runs together! ) Second day I booked a 3 hour private lesson which helped loads ! Still slow though and on Friday literallly cried when my 23 year old snowboarding son ( who clipped his board on like riding a bike!) took me high up and all I saw were red runs! Luckily there was a blue down but the first part was mogals and I hated it! You need support if he isn’t going to do that I’d book lessons and spend some time with people who will help you !

Perhaps when it gets to the stage of him ignoring you, you can 'pretend' like it does not upset you that much by doing something, or anything else and making no fuss at that point.

Making plans and being in other people's company can help. I know you're on holiday and that is difficult but perhaps you can go off happily enough to read or sit and get a coffee, etc. That takes away that power and control that they believe they have and it gives it to you. You might start getting some patience and respect back along with it, as they start to feel insecure at the thought of your newfound independence and security, knowing that you refuse to be manipulated by their silence.

If that’s what you think, you know where the door is, sorry hun, face it it’s over. Good luck, I have been there, time to get out. X

Exactly this. A kind (and possibly cute) ski instructor to help you rebuild your confidence

OP, I don’t know a damn thing about skiing, not my cup of tea. What I DO know about is a narc-hole “husband” treating his wife with contempt - been there, got the t-shirt and the divorce.

Regardless of the skiing scenario, this man is verbally berating you, looking down on you, treating you like shit and is now stonewalling you. What an utter delight he is.

Sounds like an emotionally abusive bellend with a fragile ego, who likes to dish it out but can’t take it when you speak the truth.

I won’t bang on - although I could, at great length - about how you deserve better and the impact his behaviour will be having on DC. You don’t come across as daft, time to save yourself and DC from this rotten marriage.

This sounds so toxic.

.

This. Life is so short OP. It really is. Why waste it with someone miserable, selfish and spiteful, who sulks like a baby when someone criticises him? He sounds like a spoiled brat. Yuk.

I once heard a therapist say that she'd helped numerous women over the years (and men) who were trapped in crappy marriages but either too frightened or too unmotivated to leave. She said those who did all wished they'd done it earlier. In her entire career she never met anyone who divorced their partner and then regretted it. I suppose it happens, but most people get a new lease of life. Look at it this way – do you want to be 75 and sat in a bungalow day in day out with this nasty little man baby?

This is really not what you deserve but perhaps your marriage needs to be over so you don't have to put up with such awful treatment. Take care.

I’d be indulging in the apres ski and enjoying the off piste activities. Once home I would be planning for my future without him.

Your husband sounds like a total arse. If you fancy having a nice day skiing have you tried getting a local ski guide? I also have had my confidence shaken so I booked a local guide who took me to quieter slopes and some lovely places to eat and drink for the day and I thoroughly enjoyed not having the pressure of keeping up with everyone else. Just might help you enjoy the holiday and give you a bit of a break from it all?

💯

I’d be arranging an early flight home and making an appointment with a divorce lawyer. He sounds like an abusive bully.

Take this time to write a list of things you like about him and a list of those times or things he does that hurt you or you don’t like. See which list is bigger and which things matter most.

it took my mum 15 years to leave my step dad who was similarly awful to her - told her he was grossed out by her after birth of my sister and wouldn’t sleep with her for over a year, long periods of silent treatment, lack of respect etc. her life became so much brighter when she left.