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Original poster

On holiday thinking my marriage might be over

428 replies

Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 06:42

On a skiing holiday with three groups of people including my husband and daughter. I am slower than husband and daughter as had a fall a few years ago and completely lost my confidence. My husband has been really cross with me for not being as good as him and the others. I have asked him to spend time with me to help me to get my confidence back, he just gets cross and says I am pathetic and then I tell him to go off, being shouted at and told you are shit when you are trying to ski down a slope that scares you is not helpful, so I am basically left on my own. I said yesterday that I wanted him to spend an hour with me before he went off with the others, I was feeling a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be stuck in my own all day. He then said I was pathetic, I didn’t try hard enough, I was holding him and everyone back, no one wants to ski with someone that is so rubbish. I saw red and said I understood why his management career didn’t work out if that is how he try’s to help and support people ( he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style) this is a sore point for him and so this really stung him. He has now not spoken to me for 24 hours. He does this in an argument and it can last for days, I fully expect him to be like this for the rest of the week. So I am sat here, knowing what it will be like being blanked, trying to make things nice for my daughter, but feeling like I have had enough of being married to him. I know I have hurt him with the comment, but he can give it out but he cannot take it back.

OP posts:
Hwi · 19/02/2025 10:35

holrosea · 19/02/2025 08:56

My mum is terrified of heights and gets scared even seeing things like big drops or rollercoasters on the TV. I live near mountains and I took my parents on a hike that became far more vertiginous than I had planned.

There was a short passage of 8-10m where the path is still quite wide, but there is a cable fixed into the rock to hold onto because there is "nothing" the other side.

My mum was terrified (although in no danger, to be clear) and it took her a full 5 minutes to cross this 10m stretch, and all the time my dad was there with a constant stream of:

  • you're absolutely fine, you've got both hands on the rope
  • move your left foot to here, then move your right to join it
  • you're doing great, just look at the wall
  • take your time, we're in no hurry, take a breath
  • nearly there, do this bit on your bum if you feel safer
  • give me your left hand, brilliant! Well done! You made it!

It's also not the first/only time that I've seen him do this for my mum either.

Your husband is a twat, and you deserve someone who wants to help you regain your confidence and enjoy your holiday (although the way that he talks to you suggests that this marriage is miserable in many different ways). In the short term, try to get an instructor and make the most of the social side of skiing, when you get home, start divorce proceedings.

You dad let your mum suffer like that? If you fear, you fear and not amount of 'you are doing fine' will help.

LAMPS1 · 19/02/2025 10:33

Even if he does ski with you for an hour each morning from now on, he is still likely to be unpleasant, impatient and critical, and you will still feel crap knowing he is irritated by your slower pace and would prefer to be with mates.
I wouldn’t even ski with him any more, unless he apologises and willingly offers to be with you, but I certainly wouldn’t ask him or expect much of him.

I’d think twice about going on a ski holiday with him again after this. And I’d also think long and hard about the way he treats you.

Whatever you do OP, don’t try to risk keeping up with him if he offers to ski with you. You don’t want to be going home with a broken limb.

Hope you can avoid his mean streak and enjoy the rest of your holiday without him where possible. Good luck.

Astronautstar · 19/02/2025 10:30

I think you spoke the truth. He sounds horrid. I would go home.

Crikeyalmighty · 19/02/2025 10:28

Do it on your own and on your own good time- personally I love a winter resort- and sit and read and go for lunches/spas and no skiing - I'm far too clumsy - I even once had my hands freeze to the bar on a ski lift and had to go round- lol!!

Your H is an arrogant tosser by the way - but I guess you probably know that

Newbie887 · 19/02/2025 10:28

A few people saying that OP should do something different than coming on a ski holiday / shouldn’t expect to “hold her husband back” when he is a different level to her.

No.

OP was asking husband for one HOUR of ski time. Not a whole day, or the entire week. One hour. If he can’t understand that refusing even this is completely unreasonable and selfish then he doesn’t deserve her to stay married to him.

A ski day is typically 6 hours long, 8-9 if you really push it. There’s no need to be hooning down slopes and pushing yourself to the max all day every day. It’s also important to enjoy your surroundings, and spend time with your family.

Myself and my partner are very good skiers. We ski “properly” each morning when little kids are in ski school for 2.5 hours, then cruise about with the kids in the afternoons. Or one of us will take the littles home while the other skis solo or with the older ones. Under no circumstances do we strop at the children that they are holding us back and need to stop being pathetic 😂🫠.

It’s a FAMILY ski holiday. If husband wants 100% lads lads lads adult ski time then he needs to go away with the boys for a long ski weekend sometime…and then OP needs to take the following weekend off to do something for herself.

Kind of hope he injures himself and is forced to stay in the chalet for a portion of the trip 😂

Dexterrolledoffthesofa · 19/02/2025 10:28

Wait - he brought his WORK pals on your FAMILY holiday??!!!!
Oh my love, get rid of him!!
He sounds like a prince among men. Just what is his treatment of you showing your daughter????

Lovethesparklylights · 19/02/2025 10:27

DH took me skiing in the early years, he can ski, I can't. He wouldn't spend time with me teaching me, apparently we didn't have money for lessons and proper ski gear. By the end of day 2, I was cold, sore, scared and not enjoying it at all on my own. I gave the skis back, did tobogganing, went to the pool, sat by the fire reading a book. And refused to ever go skiing again.

I'm not using precious annual leave to have a bad holiday by myself.
Leave him to it. Don't go unless your friend is there.
And dump the horrid DH.

CountFucula · 19/02/2025 10:26

TalkingAboutaWolf · 19/02/2025 10:01

Exactly.

He's behaving like a dick and you're fully entitled to leave him. But why did you decide to go there and spoil everyone's skiing holiday is a mystery to me. They're competitive and good at it. They don't want to dither and entertain a crap skier. Can't say I blame the husband for that. It would piss me off, to waste the time I could be having fun on a person, who incapable doing the activity.

I don't like mountain biking and I'm not good at it. So guess what, I don't join in when my group of friends, who love the activity, go.

There was an example upthread of someone's mum who's scared of heights and supportive dad, who encouraged the mum when they encountered a scary high spot on the hike unexpectedly. Yea, the key is 'unexpectedly'. One thing is to come upon such spot and brave it, and completely another is to deliberately go to the mountains with a group of experiences climbers/hikers when you're scared of hights and spoil everyone's day with your whinging.

Either don't go or find an instructor. It's not your husband's responsibility.

Show quote history

You sound nice…

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 19/02/2025 10:26

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 19/02/2025 09:13

I honestly believe the men you gave to be concerned about the most are the ones who are charismatic and the life and soul with friends/in public and a nasty bastard at home/with loved ones. Look up narcissist and see if he fits.

I agree with this!

gettingtothebottomofit · 19/02/2025 10:24

Don't go skiiing on your own, find a hot young skiing instructor doing private lessons so you can be smug.

Imbusytodaysorry · 19/02/2025 10:19

@Pinkyblue123 he is nasty and abusive. .
If ypu stand up to his verbal abuse he abuses ypu with silent treatment. He doesn’t listen to your needs wants or fears.
Your Dh is a dick OP

Plan to leave. .

ButIToldYouSoooo · 19/02/2025 10:17

He sounds nasty and mean and degrading and it probably is why he lost his management role. You weren't wrong to point it out to him after the way he carried on treating you, both verbally and his utter abandonment of you on the slopes.

This is not how you treat people, especially people you are meant to love and cherish.

I wouldn't rely on him being able to hold on to management roles in future if that's how he treats people. I also wouldn't want to rely on him as a partner. You may need a rethink about your future and the rest of your life. If you're not interested in marriage counselling, or he isn't, is this really how you want to spend it? With someone so vile to you?

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/02/2025 10:15

He sounds like a dick. I totally agree re the management style comments - and deep down he knows you are right and resents you for it. He sounds a bit of a narc actually. Maybe time to rethink this whole situation - you might be a lot happier with less (of a) toxic shit in your life..

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 19/02/2025 10:10

I would double down on my comments about the management thing op - whatever you do, don't apologise!

Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of the trip.

anyolddinosaur · 19/02/2025 10:09

How old are your children? If you like skiing and want to be able to go with the children book some lessons to get your confidence back. If you now would prefer not to ski then either take an early flight home and consider if you are happier completely away from him or if you still want to be their in the evening for the daughter find other things to do in the day.

Jellyslothbridge · 19/02/2025 10:09

Make a plan for the rest of the trip (go home or enjoy your pace of skiing) You could try and talk to DH - he is clearly concerned with work impressions so perhaps the only angle is his work colleagues will start to notice yhis treatment of you. You could suggest can we meet for lunch and a run or two at the end of the day or being on the same run and seeing each other in passing? It does however sounds like he won't compromise.
Review the relationship when you get home.

May09Bump · 19/02/2025 10:08

Use your time alone to figure out what you want you life to look like.
Enjoy the Apres Ski or find a spa. Read a book.
Do you want to regain your confidence for you? If so organise some ski lessons explain when booking you have a confidence issue because of a fall and they will give you an instructor to help.

Honestly your husband is horrible and I would be looking for a very different future away from his abuse.

Easipeelerie · 19/02/2025 10:05

You need to split up with him. He’s a bad person.

Pedallleur · 19/02/2025 10:04

Just find an instructor or class and ski that way. No need for an argument. Seems bit ott of him to go off on one because you aren't some ski champion. What's he really upset about?

Shoxfordian · 19/02/2025 10:04

It doesn't sound like he cares about you at all. I'm kinder to stray animals than he is to you, the woman he's supposed to love.

TalkingAboutaWolf · 19/02/2025 10:01

Pluvia · 19/02/2025 09:18

I've been skiing twice with incredibly athletic people who never had lessons but seemed to pick things up quickly and were heading down black runs and thought I ought to be able to do them too. It's a horrible situation. Competitive people get very competitive and anyone who doesn't is considered a wuss.

Your loss of confidence isn't something he's going to be able to help you with. He is the worst person in the world you could have picked to assist you, and why you don't realise this is a mystery. You need to decide first of all whether you want to continue skiing or just give it up. If you want to continue, join a beginner's class and start all over again, building confidence as you refresh your skills. Either classes with people who won't be as good as you (what a confidence boost) or private lessons.

The fact that you seem to see him as having the answer and him as the person who has to change to accommodate something that only you can work on does make you look clingy. Not excusing his bad behaviour at all, but your neediness is making the situation worse. Take control of the thing you can work on — your confidence on the ski slope — and stop expecting him to help you.

Exactly.

He's behaving like a dick and you're fully entitled to leave him. But why did you decide to go there and spoil everyone's skiing holiday is a mystery to me. They're competitive and good at it. They don't want to dither and entertain a crap skier. Can't say I blame the husband for that. It would piss me off, to waste the time I could be having fun on a person, who incapable doing the activity.

I don't like mountain biking and I'm not good at it. So guess what, I don't join in when my group of friends, who love the activity, go.

There was an example upthread of someone's mum who's scared of heights and supportive dad, who encouraged the mum when they encountered a scary high spot on the hike unexpectedly. Yea, the key is 'unexpectedly'. One thing is to come upon such spot and brave it, and completely another is to deliberately go to the mountains with a group of experiences climbers/hikers when you're scared of hights and spoil everyone's day with your whinging.

Either don't go or find an instructor. It's not your husband's responsibility.

healthybychristmas · 19/02/2025 10:01

Every single person there knows he's a complete knob. There's no hiding knobbishness. Don't think they are fooled by him. You know the saying about getting your ducks in order? That's what you need to do now. You deserve someone much nicer than this guy. And good for you for saying that about management. He must've been terrible. His work friends will know that.

SpringleDingle · 19/02/2025 09:57

I think kindness should be funadmental in a marriage. He is behaving incredibly badly to you. I'd assume this isn't an isolated incident of him just not giving a shit about you. Better no marriage than a shit one.

Missj25 · 19/02/2025 09:53

How would OP come across as needy to Type 1 dick for a husband. !!!!
She had an accident years ago , & anyway that’s irrelevant … He’s not a nice guy …
A pp said above how he doesn’t have respect for OP ..
People like him don’t do respect…

OP , this man is your husband..
Enough said ….

dontcryformeargentina · 19/02/2025 09:53

Please do not beg your husband for attention - it devalues you. Hire a good looking ski instructor and make the most of your time there. Reverse the situation to your advantage.

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