Page 2 | Wanting my husband to do more.

emilyli · 2025-02-19T06:10:31+00:00

My husband and I just welcomed our second child and I feel like I'm doing everything on my own. I work as well so my days are very hectic. I'm up for school drop off, pick ups, homework, cooking, cleanings and all baby care. Today I was just very overwhelmed and I took I walk and i told him before I left. When I got back home he asked me what I needed a break for and I told him I was overwhelmed...since then he hasn't said a word to me and is sleeping on the couch. A few hours ago I went to talk to him explaining why I'm so tired*crickets*. I'm so pissed because he does what he wants , when he wants, for as long as he wants and I'm left to do it all. I know work is crazy for him but it is for me too.

Original poster

emilyli · 19/02/2025 06:44

Plumedenom · 19/02/2025 06:40

I'm actually mad for you. You never forget this shit, when they weren't there when you needed them the most. I would still treat the scenario as if you were alone and plan accordingly...i.e. Call in for some help from a mother/sister/cleaner. Even just for two months.

I'm really really trying but I'm just so upset. I've had 2 glasses of wine. I feel so helpless and I'm in so exhausted today was very hard and I needed a breather I can't believe this is how he reacts.

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DustyLee123 · 19/02/2025 06:43

You’re doing far too much. If he won’t do his share, you need to outsource work like getting a cleaner and having shopping delivered.
How many days does the 3 year old go to nursery?

Plumedenom · 19/02/2025 06:42

Working from home with a newborn baby is impossible. Why on earth have you gone back to work so soon? Where is your maternity leave? This is a recipe for PND as well as for fuckong up your job.

Original poster

emilyli · 19/02/2025 06:41

Plumedenom · 19/02/2025 06:38

It's time to learn then isn't it? He won't take the cleaning burden, I doubt he'll do enough of the hands on baby stuff...you can only really outsource the cooking and shopping. Unless he earns loads of money and you can get a cleaner but I doubt you'd be in this situation if you had the money to solve it.

It is time any help would be helpful.

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Plumedenom · 19/02/2025 06:40

I'm actually mad for you. You never forget this shit, when they weren't there when you needed them the most. I would still treat the scenario as if you were alone and plan accordingly...i.e. Call in for some help from a mother/sister/cleaner. Even just for two months.

Original poster

emilyli · 19/02/2025 06:40

NewHeaven · 19/02/2025 06:34

Are you working out of the home or at a workplace? Have you adequately recovered from the birth and how is your mental health? Please speak to your health visitor to inform them that you're overwhelmed and not receiving appropriate care.

I'm working from home, but baby is also home with me.

OP posts:

Plumedenom · 19/02/2025 06:38

It's time to learn then isn't it? He won't take the cleaning burden, I doubt he'll do enough of the hands on baby stuff...you can only really outsource the cooking and shopping. Unless he earns loads of money and you can get a cleaner but I doubt you'd be in this situation if you had the money to solve it.

NewHeaven · 19/02/2025 06:34

Are you working out of the home or at a workplace? Have you adequately recovered from the birth and how is your mental health? Please speak to your health visitor to inform them that you're overwhelmed and not receiving appropriate care.

Original poster

emilyli · 19/02/2025 06:33

Plumedenom · 19/02/2025 06:30

Sorry you're saddled with one of those men. Most of us are to some extent because even the "progressive" ones don't do as much as they think (i.e. half). My advice is to allocate specific tasks to him. The best ones for men are shopping and cooking because they are standalone and they starve themselves if they don't get done. You will inevitably do the rest
My advice for that to avoid disappointment and 'nagging" the rest of your life is to just accept you have no help with any of it and live like you are alone. You at least then get the most important stuff. I include DIY in this. This takes away the anger, although as my own husband says 'its like you don't need me anymore". Quite, DH, quite.

He doesn't cook😩 this was never a big issue before but now it's becoming a problem.

OP posts:

Plumedenom · 19/02/2025 06:30

Sorry you're saddled with one of those men. Most of us are to some extent because even the "progressive" ones don't do as much as they think (i.e. half). My advice is to allocate specific tasks to him. The best ones for men are shopping and cooking because they are standalone and they starve themselves if they don't get done. You will inevitably do the rest
My advice for that to avoid disappointment and 'nagging" the rest of your life is to just accept you have no help with any of it and live like you are alone. You at least then get the most important stuff. I include DIY in this. This takes away the anger, although as my own husband says 'its like you don't need me anymore". Quite, DH, quite.

Original poster

emilyli · 19/02/2025 06:27

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 19/02/2025 06:20

Sorry if i missed it - how old is your baby?

do i read correctly you have a newborn AND you are working and dealing with the older one?

Yes you're correct

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Original poster

emilyli · 19/02/2025 06:26

Our oldest is 3 he was more involved with our daughter. Our son is 7 weeks and he's completely changed. I try not to get upset but I need him to help out more. We're both working full time but when I clock out of work I'm never really off.

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MNTourist · 19/02/2025 06:23

So sorry you are not being listened to by your dh.Just to give more context, how old is baby and hoe old is first child? Are you both working ft or are you on mat leave?
Was dh more considerate after child 1 was born? Xx

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 19/02/2025 06:20

Sorry if i missed it - how old is your baby?

do i read correctly you have a newborn AND you are working and dealing with the older one?