Jealous MIL

You are so lucky to have this help OP. Your DM and MIL are doing you a massive favour providing any childcare at all so of course it should be on their terms. Very few people would want to give up every Sunday for childcare.

Why not let them sort it out between them? They might come up with an arrangement that gives everybody what they want.

Tell your MIL no, it’s her problem not yours. I had a similar situation when I went back to work. On maternity leave MIL said she would have my son 2 days a week, my mum offered to have him the other day and changed her hours at work to ensure she always had that day off. Then well after I had arranged my working days with my company, and confirming multiple times with her before signing my contract, MIL turned round and said she could no longer have him on those days and needed to swap. I wasn’t able to because I ended up in a job share so had to stick to the days originally said. As a result we ended up having to put my son into nursery for 1 1/2 days a week as that was the minimum they would take him for, my MIL ended up with him for the afternoon of the half day in the end. She still goes on about it now, but it’s from her own doing. I wasn’t prepared to lose a day a week with my son when I wasn’t able to earn any income.

@HexagonSun because they literally don't know and realise.

It's become something that you just do now, it's what everyone does so it's not given that extra investigation. It's why it's so important to be aware of reality to then work around that and do spot checks on the child. Turn up unannounced.

'I think it's quite sad and almost weird that your own child will spend more time with their grandparents than you!"

So, like other posters, you'd have the child spend more time with strangers twice a week, instead? Madness. There was a lot of bias in most research regarding GP childcare and a lot of the research was paid to be done by childcare providers.

I'm my DD's childcare. The youngest is seven. I'm packing in as much as I can this year because I'm actually going to miss softplay and the craft activities, they won't entertain next year. I'm hoping that my DD's best friend is successful in ttc, because I will be available, as I've been for her other friends. Some of us enjoy children. I was brought up in an extended family and close neighbours, including going on holiday. Thankfully bounce places, crazy golf, zoos etc aren't grown out of. In the pub you can see the difference in those of us who are very involved with younger family members. We haven't gone down the 'snowflake/woke/boat people' etc hyperbole. It's also keeping us active.
OP, stick with your plan. It doesn't have to be forever, you can rethink your shifts as the school nursery years approach. On a Tuesday, there's less people about, it's a good day to have off together. Santa's grottos etc have more availability. There might be the odd time you and your DH wouldn't mind your MIL having your DC, even half the day. Children do best in loving, involved, extended families.

And when they are both working 10am-6pm they will need childcare from 10am-6pm plus travel times. Which is a full day.

The travel makes a huge difference here as well - where is their house relative to OP's mum's house and OP's MIL's house and their places of work?

Easy answer is now that your days have changed, start again with the rota.
This includes your days and DM’s days too.

Your DM may also be happy to have less childcare responsibility and grateful for a change.

You will also have more flexibility around sick days, given your DM is regularly doing less and you have both maintained your days.

It is a better option because it's a business arrangement, as opposed to a family one.

This is a really good point. And actually another good reason why it might be better if the parents have one day as family day and then have different days off on the other.
Though if they work different shifts maybe it would be less of an issue (I am thinking if they both start work at 8 and leave at 7, would granny have the baby over night? Then what happens if the next shift is the same hours the next day? Does baby just stay with granny, and parents visit at granny's house when they finish work at 4 but put baby to bed there?). I think the shift rota is definitely something to consider in terms of how that will work if there are late nights/early starts.

Half a day of childcare is still a commitment though, it kind of stops you doing some other stuff too. E.g. I went on a sneaky break away for a few days last weekend - if there had been even a few hours of other commitments in the middle of it I wouldn't have been able to do it so easily. Grandparents have 'parented' already.

I think a lot of grandparents underestimate how much hard work it is, plus there definitely is an expectation from some folk.

I think a key part of your plan people are missing is that long opening hours in retail mean you're not actually looking for full days of childcare: "I’ll be working 7-16 or 10-18 he will be working 10-18 or 14-22 and so we need someone to basically have our child in between." Not sure what your travel times are like, but on a day A (7am-4pm / 10am-6pm) you'll need childcare from 10am-4pm, and on a day B (10am-6pm / 2pm-10pm) you'll need childcare from 2pm-6pm

If you understood the post op isn't complaining about her mil not being able to accommodate her work pattern. It's the mil getting upset because ops mum will have the child more. you'd love to have what op has as you said yourself, so don't be hating on those that have help. For some reason on a platform called mumsnet ppl take issue with others getting free child care from family. Ppl need to work. Ppl can't always afford nursery. If free help is available, op should absolutely ask and take it.

Certainly not irrelevant when the OP's mum is exhausted after 4 days of free childcare if she does Sundays on top of Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays At the moment the spends one day a week with the baby. It's going to be s culture shock to her as well. It sounds like a nice idea, but the reality of the commitment is very different.

This whole thing sounds unsustainable

but I am genuinely confused by the amount of people commenting that childcare is better or the solution to OPs problem

Paying for a nursery does usually mean that you get the days you want without guilt tripping, them cancelling or being unavailable due to illness/tiredness/car breaking down etc etc though. I know lots of people have found it reliable and far easier than depending on flaky (though in paper 'free') relatives.

When they beg to help out you mean, and try to guilt trip their daughter in law to miss out on one of her only two days with her own child? Your friend might be tired but that seems irrelevant to this thread.

Wow I must admit I’m very jealous at your childcare offers, your mum offering to look after your daughter virtually 50% of the time is incredible. You’re very, very lucky.

As for MIL I think others have given some good advice- definitely the sort of free childcare that comes at a cost and she sounds very problematic and dramatic.

And this is what is the best choice for you and your children. Every parent has to weigh up the available resources and make the best decision they can- that will be nursery for many.

I am telling you now that while it seems wonderful and convenient and money-saving for your MIL to look after your daughter, long term this is absolutely not going to work. She’s being incredibly difficult about the arrangements already (the Sunday is totally fair though, her & her partner should have free time together) and ultimately this won’t end well. You are already walking on eggshells around her demands/sulking, or you would simply tell her “no, Tuesday is obviously a day we will be spending together as a family”
This won’t work, look for a childminder or nursery to do 3 days a week, and allow the grandparents a day each. Set your boundaries firmly now, once your MIL is doing regular childcare, it will be very hard to establish any boundaries around anything.

I personally would have just one day a week when you and your partner have a family day together. This would mean your daughter has more days with her parents which is surely t better for your daughter. Just my opinion though. Lots and lots of families don’t manage 2 days a week for family days.

I didn’t see this thread, but I’ve seen awful things in very well rated nurseries.
I don’t want to scare parents into thinking all nurseries are bad. But even good ones are struggling, the majority rely on agency staff which puts incredible strain on the permanent staff and is unfair on the children.

Edit- I know this isnt the topic of the original post, but I am genuinely confused by the amount of people commenting that childcare is better or the solution to OPs problem

Absolutely stand firm on your two days - it's important your child spends time with their own parents!

You can offer your MIL any of the days your DM agreed to (wed, thur, fri) - it might be nice for your DM not to have to do three days in a row. But stand strong on the Tuesday.
In fact, if i were you, i'd stop visiting her on a Tuesday soon in order to start getting into the 'new routine'. What days does your DP have off now - can he start his new shift pattern sooner than when you go back?

This. And spend some time with your child!!!

Surely moving your day-off to Wednesday is the answer.

Then MIL can have her Mondays and Tuesdays, and your mum Sundays, Thursdays and Fridays. 4 days for your mum was a really big ask tbh.

@CJ98 how old are your mum/MIL and do they still work? If so, how many days?