Does your MIL do this?

On every planet? When I invite people to my house, they are invited into the living room and the kitchen, downstairs loo.

I don't expect them to be in my bedroom or the office, but the living room is where anyone invited in will end up at some point. Therefore I don't keep things in my living room on display that I would be unhappy for anyone I invite to see. On display - i.e. on the mantlepiece or windowsill or shelf.

A card? No problem - there's probably a punchline on the inside, so yes, I expect there's a good chance someone will pick it up to read that if they notice the card.

If it were personal or risqué I wouldn't leave it where acquaintances of kids on playdates might see it. I wouldn't leave books on my living room bookshelf that I wasn't prepared for people to browse, either.

If it were a really beautiful or original card, someone looking to see who sent that - oh yes, that's the uncle who lives on Skye, of course - wouldn't bother me either.

Hahah mine doesn’t but she’s oblivious to anything but others have and that’s why the Valentine’s card for my DH that said ‘you make my bits tingle!’ Was left upstairs 😂

with your mum and dad, yes.
Plus you've been living with them since birth, so you know how they think.

With your MIL? Not the same.

good grief, you are not a toddler. Must people really lock everything out of your way when you visit to make sure you respect their privacy and show basic manners?

You have them displayed in a fairly public room within your house that you invited her into.
on which planet is a living room a public room (within your house)? 😂

If the cards have been framed opened and the content is on display, then yes.
If the cards are just there, no of course it's not for you to grab them, open them and read

Do you also open other people's presents left under the Christmas Tree to check what's in them? After all, they're left on display too

It is bad manners.

I think it’s very bad manners to pick up someone else’s card and read the personal message inside. That said, I am extremely nosy so would definitely do it if nobody was looking

I always thought I was expressing an interest 😂 I’m hoping this is a ‘Mumsnet’ thing and I’m not just a complete weirdo!!!

Because they’re not addressed to you? And perhaps they’re set out for the enjoyment of the person who actually received them?!

I'm assuming these are in your living room or hallway?

You have them displayed in a fairly public room within your house that you invited her into. If you don't want people who visit you to see the cards you're displaying, maybe don't invite, or don't display.

My family and inlaws have always looked at any cards that have been out and it's never bothered me in the slightest. Anything I didn't feel was for sharing with people who visited, I'd leave in my bedroom.

Great example of ask culture vs guess culture.

A healthy parent-adult child relationship should be able to withstand one of them asking to read a few cards and the other feeling able to say yes or no depending on how they truly feel about it.

Same! I always have a read. 😂

Why ask to read them though? It just makes the owner feel awkward if they say: 'NO, you can't read the private messages on my cards!'

Just because you've asked, doesn't make it right or a normal thing to do!

If they are on display then I see no reason why you can't look! However, if I'm in children's houses I will ask if it's ok to read!

My mum does this when she visits, but somehow it doesn't feel as intrusive as if my MIL did it. I have called her out on reading my cards and she's had the grace to be embarrassed and apologise - I don't think she realises that I find it too personal when she does that.

I'm trying to recall if I do it at hers - and in all fairness I think I do 😳😳😳 - I wouldn't look beyond the cover of a valentines card though.

If they are staying my dad will wander into my room if I'm in there to talk to me with no heed as to checking if I'm decent first, and look around at everything while chatting to me which again I find too personal - but he's my much loved elderly dad just being a bit clueless rather than creepy.

How on earth is it sexist and ageist 🤣🤣🤣?

The poster mentioned her MIL as she’s the only one who does it. My MIL is the only one who does it at my house.

Plenty of PPs have mentioned DMs, DFs Dsis, and even a sexless, ageless ‘relative’

With me it's my Mum, I find it very rude and intrusive

She also used to shuffle and read stuff on my brother's desk when he lived with me. As a teen at home she would open and read my penpal letters

She also flicks through our calendar any anything on the notice board

Lady time she was here we wrote a rude list

Wash DS 's gimp mask
Polish dildo etc

Mine doesn't but she never visits. However my own Mum did this a lot, but it taught me to only display cards that I wouldn't mind other people reading.

I wouldn't think to read cards in other people's homes, however.

It's not irrational. Your mum is family, it's a different relationship. It doesn't make it right, but it's a private family matter.

Your MIL is not family. She's your DH"s family, but you have as little choice with her as with a work colleague or a neighbour.

Your private business has nothing to do with her, it's an another level of rude with her.

@SocialMeeds can you write something in the next card for dh that would be uncomfortable for her to read? Something about the wild sex you had the other night etc. hopefully put her off reading others in the future.

My DM does this and it really doesn't bother me, even when she re arranges them.
I would never do the same in DDs house though!

My DMum has been known to do this! In her opinion, if the cards have been displayed, it means they're not private and can be read by visitors. I don't agree. It would (irrationally and unfairly) annoy me more if MiL did it than my own DMum!

I’m not a MIL. Just a normal person I think.
I’ve always assumed that if cards are on display then they want me to read them. If they are on show in someone’s bedroom I wouldn’t see them.

I don’t like the reference to MILs. Sexist and ageist.

Yep mine did this with my daughter’s birthday cards once - height of bad manners if you ask me. I’d never go into her house and read hers and have never had anyone else do it. She never did it again once DP told her. My own mother would have been told outright if she’d done the same before any MILs themselves complain! It was the same with birthday presents for the kids that were passed on to us through her in gift bags and not wrapped - right through them all before it came to us. It was a control thing with her - used to getting her own way with all sons and no daughter to keep her right about appropriateness - not just limited to these little issues. Again, specific to just my MIL and not MILs in general. We actually get on well despite these little niggles - I’m sure she has plenty about me 😆

I bet some people do 😂