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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being locked in?

257 replies

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:20

New house to us, so please bear with me. DH nipping out the back door and conservatory so he can smoke a Marlboro in the back garden. He locks both doors behind him because he doesn't want dogs to follow. Fair enough, garden is not completely secure yet. He leaves keys in doors so I'm locked in with dogs and I feel trapped. I can't get out unless he turns or removes keys. AIBU to ask him to remove the keys so I can leave when I want?

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 18/02/2025 22:15

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/02/2025 22:13

Don't even think about it - it will drive you insane.

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That was a baffling thread. Did she ever come back and explain things in a way that made sense?

Manxexile · 18/02/2025 22:15

Doodleflips · 18/02/2025 22:13

I’m genuinely curious with posts like this.
Do people stop and actually consider how to would feel, to be locked in a house without any say in it?
I find it hard to believe that this many people would not be bothered about it.
It’s also clear that there’s more to it.

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This ^

Plus I'd have thought it must be a criminal offence (in the UK at least)

Sherararara · 18/02/2025 22:15

yeah none of this really makes any sense

Zanzara · 18/02/2025 22:15

This has all the hallmarks of one of those threads that starts off being about something small and innocuous, then suddenly turns into something much more significant.

OP, do you feel generally safe? Does your husband try to control you? Are you in any way a prisoner? Do you need help to leave?

If you have a problem, please believe that help is available to you. Please tell us what is going on..

If you are legally married, then the house will normally belong to both of you.

Please talk to us and explain the situation. 😊💕

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/02/2025 22:14

Why have you newly moved into a house you have no claim to? Do you and your DH have plans to change this?

pizzaHeart · 18/02/2025 22:13

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:09

What should I be fixated about?

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That there are problems in communication between you and your partner and that you are so stressed that a few minutes in the house with closed doors are freaking you out.

Doodleflips · 18/02/2025 22:13

pavillion1 · 18/02/2025 22:11

im sure 5 minutes won't kill you

I’m genuinely curious with posts like this.
Do people stop and actually consider how to would feel, to be locked in a house without any say in it?
I find it hard to believe that this many people would not be bothered about it.
It’s also clear that there’s more to it.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 18/02/2025 22:13

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:09

What should I be fixated about?

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The fact that you are ‘depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected’, perhaps?

The fact that you somehow have no ownership of your home (you’re married, so I don’t get that)?

TagSplashMaverick · 18/02/2025 22:13

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Might I suggest that when the door is open, you take the opportunity to walk through it and not go back.

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/02/2025 22:13

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:12

Do you have a link? I haven’t heard of that one

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Don't even think about it - it will drive you insane.

AppleBlossomMay · 18/02/2025 22:12

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

So this is some sort of control issue? You're his wife yet you're saying you have no right to make any changes in your new home. Are there other ways in which he's trying to be controlling/ restrict your freedom?

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:12

midlifeattheoasis · 18/02/2025 22:11

Oh my god that was so painful

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Do you have a link? I haven’t heard of that one

pavillion1 · 18/02/2025 22:11

im sure 5 minutes won't kill you

ItGhoul · 18/02/2025 22:11

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

I’d suggest you focus on the big picture, which is that you are apparently in an abusive marriage, rather than the minor issue of your husband locking the door for five minutes when he goes out for a fag. You’re fixating on one minor detail when there are bigger problems to be solved.

midlifeattheoasis · 18/02/2025 22:11

CoffeeFluff · 18/02/2025 22:04

The absurdity is triggering trauma I still feel from reading the post about the Airbnb spare bedroom/brother mathematics that didn’t add up.

Oh my god that was so painful

WilfredsPies · 18/02/2025 22:11

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:09

What should I be fixated about?

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The fact that you feel trapped being in your own home for ten minutes?

The fact that you don’t sound like you’re in a very happy marriage?

The fact that you sound like you don’t have any say in your own life?

steff13 · 18/02/2025 22:10

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:09

What should I be fixated about?

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It sounds like you should be fixated on moving someplace else, without your husband.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 18/02/2025 22:10

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:37

We have a front door that is locked. Previous owner took the only(?) key and DH sees no reason to change that lock as it only leads to a porch door that has new locks "so no-one can get in". Fair enough, but when he's off smoking and locking back doors I (and dogs) can't get out of the house.

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Of course you need to sort out the locks. This makes no sense.

IamnotSethRogan · 18/02/2025 22:10

I wouldn't really think twice about thos for the length it takes to smoke a cigarette but it sounds like you maybe have other stuff going on

TagSplashMaverick · 18/02/2025 22:10

Is he abusive? Is there a reason this feels particularly significant?

JandamiHash · 18/02/2025 22:10

OP can you tell us what happens when you or your DH go out alone. What’s the door locking situation then if there’s only one set of keys for one external door?

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/02/2025 22:10

Your updates suggest that he is a controlling arse. Time to get well away.

CaptainFuture · 18/02/2025 22:10

Merryoldgoat · 18/02/2025 22:07

Another thread which makes zero sense and the OP is fixated about the wrong thing.

It's going to be another, 'we've been married for 38 years... we got married at 21 from.uni where i have a degree in astrophysics and I've been a sahm for 37 years...'

WhatWasPromised · 18/02/2025 22:09

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Well that escalated quickly…

Catza · 18/02/2025 22:09

SeriouslyStressed · 18/02/2025 21:45

Large/medium dogs can open doors with lever handles. My dog did it accidentally the first time by jumping excitedly at a door and as she landed her paw caught the lever handle and it opened - then she remembered it forever.

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Yes! I was going around accusing everyone of constantly leaving conservatory door open and letting cold air in and then I found out it was actually the dog doing it.

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