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AIBU?

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Being locked in?

257 replies

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 21:20

New house to us, so please bear with me. DH nipping out the back door and conservatory so he can smoke a Marlboro in the back garden. He locks both doors behind him because he doesn't want dogs to follow. Fair enough, garden is not completely secure yet. He leaves keys in doors so I'm locked in with dogs and I feel trapped. I can't get out unless he turns or removes keys. AIBU to ask him to remove the keys so I can leave when I want?

OP posts:
Doodleflips · 19/02/2025 07:59

ValentinesGranny · 19/02/2025 02:06

HRTFT but you're talking about 5 minutes, FFS. What a non-issue. Any problems you can scream out of a window. Unless there's a massive dripfeed that your back garden is three miles long and he's gone to check the boundary fence, or he's been keeping you a prisoner for years, you're creating a problen from thin air.
Even with an insecure fence can't the dog be in the garden if he's there. How else do you let him out to use the bathroom. My dogs are walked twice but let out several times a day.

Then you should RTFFT!

FarmGirl78 · 19/02/2025 07:47

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:09

What should I be fixated about?

The fact that you've bought a house and can't get out of the front door?

Get on to your Solicitor and tell them the vendors didn't leave a key for the front door. If there isn't one they'll need to pay for a locksmith to change it for you.

What the hell would you do if there was a fire and you couldn't get out? Or the Amazon man wants to deliver a parcel? Or you're decorating round the back and don't want to get covered in paint so need another exit? Houses come with 2 doors for a reason!!

I'm really not sure if your husband is being a controlling arse on purpose and you're so squashed down, belittled and eroded you don't know how to fend for yourself but these are issues you should be able to take a stand in sorting out.

If you are in an abusive controlling relationship then THAT'S what you need help and advice on - the fact you are being locked in a house with no way of getting out yourself. If this isn't the case then you need to just have some common sense.

BallerinaRadio · 19/02/2025 07:40

Moonnstars · 19/02/2025 07:04

This is one of those weird threads where something worrying is said and the OP seems to disappear.

Get the locks changed. When did you move in? Surely having only one set of keys was never the long term plan, unless as others have said it if is a form of control and you are effectively locked in permanently and only allowed out when your husband says so.

We moved years ago so maybe this is one of those myths I fell for, but when we moved in we changed all the locks anyway as I thought this was the norm (as I said, one too many urban legend type things where people warn that you don't know who still has a key and you might get some random relative of the former owner let themselves in). We changed the locks ourselves, depending on the job this can be done by buying a kit from a DIY shop if your husband doesn't want to pay a locksmith.

This is one of those threads where the OP posts something seemingly harmless and then does a little drip feed to make it a bit more serious and then has pages and pages of people worrying about them but offers no further updates. And there's been a few of these lately.

Maybe it is genuine, maybe not but there's just been so many recently they're getting harder to believe.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 19/02/2025 07:26

Your survival instincts should kick in!
I was 17 years old and after a huge violent argument the boy locked me alone in the house because I wouldn’t shag him. I was stuck with a known to be aggressive German shepherd.
All doors locked. I distracted the dog with a packet of ham out of the fridge and I got out through the kitchen window.

But after reading more of the thread I can see it’s not actually really about being trapped with the dogs is it. Your husband is a controlling dick, a bit like the boy I refused to shag.
I walked away and never saw him again, life’s much better now.

WhatFreshHellisThese · 19/02/2025 07:22

Get the keys off the previous owner for the front door or get them to paid for the locks to be changed. In your shoes l would speak to the solicitor who handled the sale

The husband might think the house is his but he married you so it's not that clear cut in most places...

SernieBanders · 19/02/2025 07:20

DazedandConfusedbyPolitics · 18/02/2025 22:05

Thanks. Yes one of my dogs is more than able to open a closed door. I don't own the house, DH does, therefore I have no right to change locks.Yes I am depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected.

Well if you’re married. You own half of it. Change the locks. Don’t be a doormat.

BakewellGin1 · 19/02/2025 07:15

So if there is a fire towards back you cannot leave the front exit ?

ItShouldntHappenToMeYet · 19/02/2025 07:12

Why are you with this man, @DazedandConfusedbyPolitics ? You know this is controlling behaviour. You know by the picture of the locks you posted, that an animal could not open one of these locks. Well, maybe a clever octopus could, but not a dog...
Why is this house not in both your names?

LillyPJ · 19/02/2025 07:09

Why can't he just close the doors? There's no need to lock them too.

PinkyFlamingo · 19/02/2025 07:07

So the previous owners could let themselves back into your house?

Moonnstars · 19/02/2025 07:04

This is one of those weird threads where something worrying is said and the OP seems to disappear.

Get the locks changed. When did you move in? Surely having only one set of keys was never the long term plan, unless as others have said it if is a form of control and you are effectively locked in permanently and only allowed out when your husband says so.

We moved years ago so maybe this is one of those myths I fell for, but when we moved in we changed all the locks anyway as I thought this was the norm (as I said, one too many urban legend type things where people warn that you don't know who still has a key and you might get some random relative of the former owner let themselves in). We changed the locks ourselves, depending on the job this can be done by buying a kit from a DIY shop if your husband doesn't want to pay a locksmith.

LovelyLeitrim · 19/02/2025 07:03

letthemeatcakes · 19/02/2025 00:01

Contact the solicitors and have them request (demand) the key from the previous owner

What will this solve? They need a new lock.

Clarinet1 · 19/02/2025 06:43

OP, your marriage does not sound healthy. If DH won’t ensure your safety and comfort he is seriously abusive. Trying to keep you confined is a classic sign of this.
As an aside, it is, to my mind, essential to change all locks when you move into a new home. You just never know to whom the previous owner my have given a key and there could be consequences years later - eg you start off friendly with a neighbour but then fall out, a tradesman’s son with a drug problem thinks he’ll come round and help himself to things to sell……

WearyAuldWumman · 19/02/2025 03:52

BlondiePortz · 19/02/2025 03:40

Why is it left the husband cant a wife organise this?

I'm certain that she could. However, the OP has indicated that she's not allowed to because the house is her husband's. Sounds like coercive control to me.

BlondiePortz · 19/02/2025 03:40

WearyAuldWumman · 19/02/2025 02:17

I'm guessing that the OP's husband is lying.

Why is it left the husband cant a wife organise this?

Garlicworth · 19/02/2025 02:32

Catza · 18/02/2025 22:16

I think we ran out of space before she could. Not that any of her attempts at explanation were successful.

She should've just expanded into the spare thread that nobody was using but was simultaneously full 😉

WearyAuldWumman · 19/02/2025 02:17

letthemeatcakes · 19/02/2025 00:01

Contact the solicitors and have them request (demand) the key from the previous owner

I'm guessing that the OP's husband is lying.

WearyAuldWumman · 19/02/2025 02:16

Grammarnut · 18/02/2025 22:33

Do you not intend using the front door? How will you get into the house? Is DH suffering from some sort of irrational brainstorm?

The OP really believes that the security freak husband is happy with the idea of the previous owners having a key to the front door?

If he were that safety conscious, he'd have had a new lock fitted by now.

ValentinesGranny · 19/02/2025 02:06

HRTFT but you're talking about 5 minutes, FFS. What a non-issue. Any problems you can scream out of a window. Unless there's a massive dripfeed that your back garden is three miles long and he's gone to check the boundary fence, or he's been keeping you a prisoner for years, you're creating a problen from thin air.
Even with an insecure fence can't the dog be in the garden if he's there. How else do you let him out to use the bathroom. My dogs are walked twice but let out several times a day.

IridiumSky · 19/02/2025 01:38

Joke reply deleted. Just realised this thread is not funny. Take care, OP.

Bigcat25 · 19/02/2025 01:10

It's not a non issue at all. She's trapped multiple times a day. This and the other door not opening are fire hazards.

BaMamma · 19/02/2025 01:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Silvers11 · 19/02/2025 00:54

Silvers11 · 19/02/2025 00:38

It will do your head in if you find it! It was the most frustrating post. We never did find out what the problem was!

@JandamiHash - the link is here - but MN headquarters banned the poster - but left the post up. Page 4 | To think my sibling is being totally unreasonable about sleeping arrangements on this trip? | Mumsnet

tachetastic · 19/02/2025 00:47

I'm confused. Are you genuinely writing off your front door as never to be used again just because the previous owners took the key?

If so, you're going to have lots of fun every time Amazon/Evri/DPD need a signature and you need to climb out of an upstairs window.

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/02/2025 00:41

You don't need his permission to call a locksmith.